How to Hold Your Girlfriend Romantically

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: October 9, 2023

If want to show your girlfriend that you're thinking of her and make her loved, all without saying a single word, then you need to learn how to hold her romantically. By initiating a welcome, romantic touch, you can deepen your bond with your girlfriend and make her feel special.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Before Making Your Move

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1
Be confident and relaxed. Your touch can communicate many things to her, but what you may not know is it can also communicate your state of mind. If you are feeling nervous, tense, or fearful, your girlfriend will very likely be able to sense it through your touch. If you are feeling nervous about holding your girlfriend, remind yourself she's your girlfriend for a reason (she likes you!), and that she's probably hoping you'll take her hand or put your arm around her.
- Be confident, but not cocky. While it's likely your girlfriend is looking forward to your touch, don't assume you have free access to her body at any time. Be respectful of her space.
- Calm yourself by breathing in for four seconds, then breathing out for four seconds.^{[1]
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  Research source} Repeat this at least four times and you should begin to feel more at ease.
- If you're still nervous, pinch yourself in the fleshy part between your thumb and index finger. Applying pressure to this area can quickly calm your nervous system.^{[2]
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  Research source}
2
Make sure she's okay with contact. The easiest way to do this is by simply asking her. Saying "Can I hold you?" is not only sweet, it's also a way to know 100% for sure she's comfortable with being touched. You can also try touching her in non-threatening areas, like her upper back or between her elbow and her hand, and watch her reaction.
- Pay close attention to her body language. People can very accurately read each others emotions via touch--if they're paying attention. If she seems uncomfortable in any way--if her muscles tense, she avoids eye contact, or you just get a vibe that she doesn't like it, stop what you're doing.
- Don't be upset or offended if your girlfriend isn't in the mood to be touched. It probably has little to do with you--some people simply don't like to be touched. It doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't like you.
- Think about how long you've been dating or any statements she's made in the past about her limits. It's not a good idea to grab her butt after you've been dating for a week, especially if she's expressed that she wants things to go slow.
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3
Consider your environment. If you're in the middle of the lunchroom or at a family gathering, you probably won't want to hold her the same way you do when it's just the two of you sitting on the couch. It can make things awkward for her and the people around you. If you're around her parents, it might even get her in trouble!
- When you're in public, keep things PG--just hold hands, or put your arms around each other, or maybe put your hand in her back pocket. Save the cuddling and really intimate stuff for when you're alone.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Holding Your Girlfriend While You're Walking or Standing

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Hold her hand. Holding hands will not only make you feel connected, it will declare to the world: "We are a couple!" Get close to her so that you are shoulder-to-shoulder. You can notice how she reacts to this first touch, and your hands will be close enough so you can hold hers easily.
- If you're nervous and your palms are sweating (which is normal and ok, but not always the best feeling sensation), quickly wipe them on your pants before reaching for her hand.
- Try hooking your pinkie finger with hers. This is a good move if you haven't held hands yet or you're nervous--it's very flirtatious and makes it easy for her to drop your hand if she isn't feeling the hand-holding yet.
- Slide your hand under hers so that they are palm-to-palm.
- Lace your fingers through hers so your hands are clasped together. Or try hooking your thumb over hers and wrapping your fingers around the back of her hand--the way you would hold your hands if you were making a "begging" gesture.
- You may want to change positions every few minutes so your palms don't get too sweaty.
2
Put your arm around her waist. This is a romantic way to hold your girlfriend if you are walking next to each other or standing and watching something. It is especially good if there is a height difference between you, since you can slide your hand down to her hip or up near her ribs.
- While walking side-by-side, reach your arm across her back and place your hand on her waist.
- Gently pull her toward you so she is snuggled against your body, under your arm.
- Be sensitive to the fact that she might not want to be touched near her stomach. Some girls are a little self-conscious about their waist and may not be comfortable being touched there--especially if you squeeze her.
- If she seems uncomfortable with your hand at her waist, try sliding it up to the bottom of her ribs, or simply putting your arm around her shoulders instead.
EXPERT TIP

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach

Our Expert Agrees: Holding someone's hips is a very romantic gesture. If you are comfortable with doing so, you can lightly grab your girlfriend's hips and turn her towards you while you're walking or sitting.
3
Hug her romantically. This should be done when you are facing each other. This is something probably best done in private, as it's rather intimate and may lead to some kissing, since you'll be face-to-face.
- Slide your hands under your girlfriend's arms and wrap them around her back. Slowly pull her toward you so that your bodies are pressed together, but not too tight!
- Rest your chin gently on the top of her head, look down into her eyes, or nuzzle your head against her neck.
- If she is comfortable with this, let your arms slide down so that you are embracing her around her waist.
4
Approach her from behind and wrap your arms around her. This is a cute way to surprise her, but you should be sure you are already familiar with her boundaries and that she's okay with being touched.
- Walk up to your girlfriend from behind and slide your hands under her arms.
- Wrap your arms around her waist in a backwards hug. Kiss the top of her head, her cheek, or her neck for a little added romance.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Holding Your Girlfriend While You're Sitting or Lying Down

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1
Put your arm around her shoulder. This move is classic for a reason--it allows you to hold your girlfriend against you and invites her to rest her head on your shoulder.
- When sitting side by side, drape your arm across her upper back. You can hold her arm or shoulder with your hand or run your hand up and down her arm.
- After a few minutes, try gently running your fingers through her hair.
- If you are very comfortable with each other, take your free arm and slide it under her knees, encouraging her to lift her legs and drape them across your lap.
- If she's resting her head on your shoulder, you can rest your head on the top of her head.
2
Try spooning your girlfriend if you are lying together on the couch. Lie down on your side behind your girlfriend. She should also be on her side. Wrap your arm around her and pull her back against you, so her back is pressed against your chest.
- You may have to move around a bit to figure out what to do with the arm that is beneath you. It can quickly become uncomfortable if your arm gets pinned underneath your body weight or your girlfriend.
- Make it even more intimate by intertwining your legs together while you're spooning.
3
Put your arm around her shoulders when you are lying down. If you two are having a lovely day in the park and decide to stretch out on your backs and gaze at the sky, now is a perfect time to bring her close to you. If you are not already side by side, scoot over so you are close to her.
- Slide your arm under her neck or have her lift her head so you can get your arm around her.
- Place your hand on her shoulder and gently pull her toward you.
- This position will allow her to rest her head on your chest or arm. She may remain laying on her back or roll onto her side so she is facing you.
- Use your free hand to run your fingers through her hair or caress her face.

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How do I say no to my boyfriend?

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Be direct and be confident. Tell him exactly what you do not want to do/want him to do. If he doesn't respond appropriately when you tell him no, break up with him. You shouldn't be with someone who does not respect your boundaries.

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Should I hold her waist and her hand, or is that too much?

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As long as the position isn't awkward for either of you and she's OK with it, then sure, that's not too much.

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What if I try to hug my girlfriend from behind, but it turns out to be a totally random person?

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That's a very awkward situation. Apologize to the stranger and explain the circumstance; most people will be understanding. Hopefully you'll have gained the wisdom from the experience to ensure that it is in fact your girlfriend before you attempt a hug from behind.

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Warnings

Never push or pressure your girlfriend into something she doesn't want to do, but don't worry, she will do it when she's ready.

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