At Middletown school, a fight over gender

• Rachel%2C who is transgender%2C is trying to find a school where she will fit in.
• Schools chief said she will not be forced to live life as Brian.
• Middletown has three middle schools. Out-of-district also is possibility.

MIDDLETOWN – The last time Rachel Pepe was in Thorne Middle School, she was known to her teachers and classmates as Brian.

UPDATE: Transgender student may go to other schools

Now, as she transitions her identity and gender with the support of her mother, Pepe may not be able to go back to her school. Pepe must come back to Thorne dressed as Brian and prepared to act like Brian, her mother was told by a school official. No accommodations would be made and no out-of-district educational options would be available.

The decision by the Thorne official is a violation of state and federal anti-discrimination laws, experts argue. Now, Middletown's school superintendent says his district will work with Pepe's family to reach a resolution.

"He was going to school last year as Brian," said Angela Peters, Pepe's mother, adding that her child developed stress-related seizures, depression and panic attacks. "How can I send her back as Rachel? And I am not sending her back as Brian because the depression will start again."

Because Pepe's family calls their child Rachel, the Asbury Park Press will refer to her by that name and gender as well.

Pepe remained deeply isolated from the rest of the student body but still, her mother said, the children would bully her because she was so quiet.

"She would get off the bus and just cry," Peters said. "Then she would go to sleep for 17 or 20 hours and refuse to go back there. Although Pepe wouldn't share her grief, "a mother knows when something was wrong."

Pepe knew, too.

"I sort of felt something was missing, that something was wrong," Rachel said of her gender identity.

"This is just recently I realized I wanted to be a girl," she said. As for her name, Rachel "just came to me. It just fits."

Peters said, however, the school was not willing to bend for Pepe.

A Thorne official told Peters the school was not equipped to handle Pepe, Peters said.

"I said 'what about letting her go to the bathroom in the nurse's office?'" Peters said. That proposal was rejected.

"They definitely can't call her Rachel because on her birth certificate, it is Brian," Peters said she was told. But Peters pointed out the school allows for nicknames to be used. Peters also said she was told her child also would upset the boy-girl ratio in school and standardized tests require the legal name and gender.

According to Garden State Equality, a civil rights group, the transgender issue has come up a number of times in New Jersey schools. But it also has happened elsewhere. A 6-year-old transgender girl in Colorado was able to return to school after winning the right to use the girls' bathroom in a case fought by he New York-based Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund.

"Certainly the family has legal avenues if they wish to pursue them," said Michael Silverman of the Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund. "The family would have a strong case against discrimination."

District officials now say they are willing to work with the family to come up with a solution. Peters hopes there can be an outcome for her child, who rarely leaves the house.

Middletown Schools Superintendent William O. George said he was not aware of the controversy. While he is limited in what he can disclose about the situation because of state and federal confidentiality laws and regulations, George addressed the case in general terms.

"We as a district want to do everything we can as a district," George said. "Every child is different and their education and social and emotional well being is my priority. We will work with them to find the appropriate placement."

George reached out to Peters on Thursday to schedule a meeting, Peters said. The family is hoping to place Pepe in an alternative school out-of-district and is looking for help from Middletown to pay the $50,000 annual tuition.

George said he would not force any student to come to school with a conflicted gender identity although he noted he was speaking in general about transgender students because of the confidentiality limits on student records.

Dr. Ramon Solhkhah, head of psychiatry at Jersey Shore University Medical Center, Neptune, said children as young as 7 or 8 already feel gender identity issues but they often start at the time of puberty when a child's body starts changing.

Solhkhah said Rachel would likely do best in a new school.

"I support this without interviewing this child. It certainly is reasonable. Children with psyco-sexual issues often benefit from a fresh start at a new school," he said.

Pepe's mother admit she struggles sometimes with knowing what is the right thing to do. While Pepe is young, there will be little talk of hormone shots or surgery. But that is her child's future, if she wants it.

"This isn't a phase," Peters said. "She is not going to grow out of this."

Pepe said "There could be other kids scared out there, who live secretly at school and go home and be themselves." That's why she wants her story told. "If this helps one person, I can be happy about that, too."

Carol Gorga Williams: 732-643-4212; CGorgaWilliams@app.com.