EDM: four rubbish things (and one good one) about its rise in 2012

It set American fashion back 20 years

New splinters of dance music have always sparked alternative fashions. EDM has done nothing but legitimise adults wearing crop-tops, belly rings and miniskirts, so that everyone looks like Julia Stiles at a full moon party.

Skrillex sounds like a lovely guy

Everything you read about Skrillex makes him sound like a charming human being. He's humble, understands why some people might not like his cochlea-shattering racket and just wants to make his fans happy. So not only do you have to listen to his woeful womp, you now feel guilty about hating it. Prick.

It ruined perfectly good pop stars

This time two years ago, Nicki Minaj seemed like the most exciting pop star on the planet. She'd out-performed Kanye West on his own song, Monster, and seemed like she was going to take Lady Gaga's art-pop crown and take a dump on it. Then EDM came along and turned her into a vocal puppet for factory-settings production.

It insists on being taken seriously

McFly aren't offended that they're not in Kerrang!, nor do Rizzle Kicks insist their videos are premiered on Grime Daily. Yet EDM producers maintain a tiresome insistence that they're just another branch of the electronic music family rather than glorified Bar mitzvah DJs.

But there's one good thing about it: Florence is better now

Since Calvin Harris replaced her "Machine" with a computer, Florence suddenly makes sense. Throw that harp in the bin, babe.