To the TFC 2014-16 cohort,
We're 5 days away from THE day. You know the one. The date that was seared into all of our minds from the moment it was spoken at Baoshan PDC: May 22. Decision Doomsday.
By now, you all know that I’m taking the early exit and leaving TFC at the end of this semester. At least half of you have seen me tear up, trying to process why making the right decision has to be so difficult. The rest of you have no doubt heard through the grapevine, after all, there are no secrets in TFC. I know that you've gone through the list of who’s going and who’s staying thirty-five times with your co-fellows on lonely bus rides and over skewers of qiezi at shaokao. I know, too, that each time I've shown up on the ‘gone’ side.
Most of you know my future lies in some blend of teaching and journalism, a future that is entirely intertwined with a clean record on my passport. This means that the current visa situation is a risk that is just too great to take. Generally, risk-taking is one of my favorite parts of traveling—from mianbaoches that race down the most dangerous roads in the world to eating raw pork without hesitation at a shazhufan, nothing stands between me and an adventure. Well…almost nothing.
We all know where the visa situation stands. It’s not worth putting in writing or re-hashing every detail for the millionth time. Just know that it was not without thoughtful consideration, many nights staying up researching until after the crickets stopped chirping, and many tearful mornings reading over the policies, that my decision came to be. At the end of it all, exhausted and overwhelmed, I found that my hands were tied and my bags called to me, ready to be packed. The only solace I have is knowing that I will be continuing on TFC’s mission—I may be 6,000 miles away, but at least I’ll still be helping kids in dire circumstances learn English, and I suppose that’s something.
The decision to leave, though, wouldn't have been nearly so difficult if it wasn't for each and every one of you. I’ll miss my kids more than words can say, and they've taught me more than I could have ever imagined. Yet, such is the life of a teacher; after one year of class, they move up, move on, move out, and you’re left with the next group of kiddos to pop up on your roster. I’ll miss the local teachers, the Monday morning flag raising ceremony, hearing little kids yell “Hello Meees Cassie” all over town. I’ll miss the Yi dancing circles, my friends at the bubble tea stand, and my view of a beautiful pagoda atop a mountain. But, most of all, I’ll miss the fellows that made up the 2014-2016 cohort. (This is sounding a bit like the end of The Wizard of Oz, isn’t it?)
Words cannot even begin to express how much all of your friendship, love, and support have meant throughout the past year. Never in my life have I met such a wonderful group of people who are so caring, friendly, inspiring, hilarious, adventurous, compassionate, intelligent and passionate, let alone a group of people who embodied all of these from the first moment we met. Every time I’m feeling ok about leaving, I see your faces in my mind, and immediately lose it all over again.
I’ve tried rewriting this section six times over, and though the tears fall each time, no words seem to do my feelings justice. So instead, I’ve decided, all I can say is “thank you.”
Thank you for always be there, during the difficult times and the wonderful times.
Thank you for that one time during S.I., when you stopped the KTV party to make sure I had a taxi, was able to navigate the hospital, and spent 3 hours making sure I didn’t pass out from the sight of the needles. (In case you’re wondering, it scarred nicely)
Thank you for the wonderful teaching ideas, from new ways to make grammar interesting to the best movies to show for each holiday.
Thank you for pretending that you hadn’t heard the story about the poisonous spider the size of my hand/ rat/ other dangerous or icky animal in my room one thousand times already.
Thank you for finding crazy ways to celebrate the holidays rural China-style.
Thank you for listening to my stories of the illnesses of those stateside and frightening situations involving students, and telling me everything was going to be ok.
Thank you for promising to make excessive effort to see me one last time before I leave. (You know who you guys are, and you should know that that has made these weeks so much easier)
Thank you for listening to me talk about football incessantly, and for pretending to be interested.
Thank you for your wechats—awkward gifs and days-long conversations about Taylor Swift videos included.
Thank you for being everything I could have ever asked for in a cohort and more.
Thank you for dealing with the fact that I’m super sappy.
Thank you for everything else—I can’t make this blog post long enough to fit in all the thank you’s I want to say.
And most of all--thank you for being my TFC family.
So, Friday, whatever decision you choose to make, know that I respect and support you 100%. By this point, if you’re still here, leaving was never a decision you intended to face. This decision is not an easy one; it’s so highly personal and difficult that deciding one way or another can be alienating and lonely. If you choose to stay, know that I want to support you however I can. Care packages, donations to projects, moral support—whatever you need, I’m your girl. (Within a school teacher’s budget, of course :D) If, on the other hand, you choose to leave, again, know that I want to support you however I can. It’s going to be a year of stateside getaways, calls during the nights when we regret everything and celebrations when we feel confident that we made the best decision for our lives. As my wonderful P.M. (and my mom...thanks mom!) put it, “Don’t let a difficult decision and painful goodbyes take away from the wonderful year you've had.” I’m hoping to remind us all of this when the going gets tough—maybe we should start a support group. (only half kidding).
So with that, once again, thank you a million times over. I don’t know where I’d be without all of you, and I can’t wait to see where we’re all going.
Peace, Love, and TFC,
Cassie B.