How to Start Over in Life

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Whether your life is in need of an overhaul or a few tweaks, we can help

Written by Tracey Rogers, MA | Edited by Dev Murphy, MA

Last Updated: September 22, 2023 Fact Checked

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There are many reasons you might want to start a new life, and many ways you could approach this decision. For example, perhaps you just ended an abusive relationship and have to figure out how to get started with a new, healthy, happy life away from your abuser. Perhaps you just don’t like where you live and want to move to find a new start in a new community. Regardless of your goals or reasons for change, it’s possible to start fresh if you think carefully, plan thoroughly, and check in with yourself to make sure you’re doing okay. Keep reading for an in-depth guide for starting life fresh.

This article is based on an interview with our certified life coach and professional astrologer, Tracey Rogers. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

Before changing your life, consider your reasons for doing so: are you running away from something? or is it time for a new chapter to begin?
Once you’ve decided what you want to change, create specific, achievable goals and set timelines by which to complete them.
No matter what changes you make, be sure to tend to your social, financial, and mental wellbeing to be sure your life is as healthy and fulfilling as possible.

1

Consider your motivation for making a change.

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Before diving into a new life, ask yourself why you want to leave this one. There are many valid reasons to begin a new life, but it can also be tempting to run away and start fresh in order to avoid a problem or escape a situation you don’t want to deal with. In that case, starting anew may or may not be what will ultimately make you happy.
- For example, if you’re a new empty-nester facing life without kids in your house for the first time in decades, you might appropriately think it’s time to start a new stage of your life.
- On the other hand, using a life change to escape unpleasant feelings isn’t a good idea, since this avoidance doesn’t address the real issues you may be having.
- If you have just experienced a major life event (such as a death, losing your job, graduating, becoming pregnant, or moving), your judgment may not be functioning at its best: consider waiting to make any major decisions intended to turn your life around.^{[1]
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- If you have just experienced a major loss, allow yourself time to mourn. You don’t have to feel rushed into changes or pressured to “get over it” right away.^{[2]
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2

Use your values as the foundation for your new life.

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Your personal values are your roadmap for living. They’re the very core of what you believe: about yourself, about others, about life in general. It’s important to examine what your values are before making a major decision such as starting a new life. Once you know what is most important to you, you can ensure that you make the right decisions to prioritize those values. Accepting who you are is the first step to making big changes.^{[3]
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- To get a clearer understanding of what you value, consider two people whom you admire. What do you most respect about them? Why? How could this play into your own life?
- What issues make you feel most invested or inspired? For instance, does it make you feel fired up hearing about community service projects? Examining what ignites your passion could help you figure out what you value most.
- As you embrace your values, also consider what habits you want to abandon, if any. If you’re starting over because of a mistake you made in the past, ask yourself how you can try to avoid the same mistake(s) in the future.

3

Decide how big of a change you need to make.

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It’s possible you don’t need to start over completely. For some people, starting a “new life” might mean starting everything over: relocating, building new social networks, getting a new job, etc. For others, it might mean smaller but substantive changes, such as ditching old habits or perspectives and focusing on developing new, value-congruent ways of living. Whatever your desire, make sure you are clear about how big the changes are that you want to make.
- Figuring out what about your life needs to change can be very helpful here. Do you need to change every single thing about your life, or would it be more effective to focus on one or two areas? Making change is hard, so you might find better success if you start small and work your way up.
- To help you figure out what changes you need to make, envision your ideal future self.^{[4]
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  Research source} What do you do? What does it feel like? Now, think about what you need to do to get there. What assets do you already have? What areas need further development?

4

Set specific goals.

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Defining specific goals is the first step to starting a new life. Setting clear personal goals will help guide you as you embark on your new life. Consider where you see yourself in 6 months, a year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years, and 20+ years, and set goals to align with that vision of yourself. Make sure that you are as concrete and specific as possible; it may help to write your goals down so you have them clearly laid out in front of you.
- Make sure your goals are SMART: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
- Start by defining your big goal, and then break it up into smaller objectives. Break those down even further into tasks.
  - If your ultimate goal is to improve your appearance, your plan may involve starting a new diet, implementing a new workout routine, or buying a new wardrobe and leveling up your sense of style.
  - If your plan is to move somewhere else, look up places you might want to live and jobs you could get there, and set a realistic timeline for when you’d like to move.
  - If you want to change careers, consider what you’ll need to do to achieve the job you want. What stepping stones do you need to cross? What experience or degree do you need? Where do you need to move and who do you need to meet?^{[5]
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5

Tend to your mental health.

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Good mental health can change your life all on its own. Even if you don’t overhaul your life, better mental health can make you feel like you’ve got an entirely new life—and if you do overhaul your life, tending to your mental health can make the process a whole lot less stressful. Find healthy ways to deal with depression and anxiety and store them in your back pocket for when you need them.
- Seeing a therapist can help you address and overcome poor mental health as well as adjust to your new life.
- Practicing deep breathing can calm you down in anxious moments. Try the 478 breathing exercise: breathe in through your nose for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and breathe out through your mouth for 8 seconds.^{[6]
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- Practicing gratitude makes you feel happier and more satisfied with life, helps you learn flexibility and adaptability to change, and increases your physical and mental health. Take 5 minutes every day to journal about something you’re grateful for.^{[7]
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- Acknowledge your own needs. People are all too often taught to deny themselves proper self-care, but caring for yourself will not only help you feel better, it will help you interact more positively with others.^{[8]
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  National Institute of Mental Health
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6

Get out of your comfort zone.

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No worthwhile change ever happened without a little discomfort. Pushing past your comfort zone has been proven to increase your happiness and your likelihood of finding success. This is because you are more likely to work harder and pay more attention when you are in a new, slightly uncomfortable situation.^{[9]
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- Getting out of your comfort zone means being brave and taking chances. That chance might be something as big as quitting your job and pursuing a new career, or just experimenting with new hobbies. Is there something you've always wanted to do but been too intimidated to?
- You could travel, make a new friend, join a club, learn a new instrument. The options are endless!

7

Assess your social life.

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It’s hard to start a new life if you have toxic people dragging you down. Research shows that we are highly influenced by the people we interact with. In starting your new life, choose the people to include who matter most to you and will give you the love and respect you deserve.^{[10]
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- Signs that you may need to cut off or distance yourself from someone include:
  - You feel exhausted or stressed out by spending time with them, or you dread interacting with them.
  - They are hyper-critical or judgmental of you or they say vicious things to you or behind your back. You feel like you can’t do anything right when you’re around them.
  - You don’t feel safe sharing your hopes, thoughts, needs, or feelings with them.
- After leaving an abusive environment, finding sources of social support is essential. If you don’t have anyone you can trust in your immediate circle, consider reaching out to organizations for domestic abuse survivors for support.^{[12]
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8

Get your finances in order.

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It’s never too early or late to start your financial life afresh. Whether you’ve just graduated from college or have been working for 30 years, your life may benefit from some financial adjustments. Perhaps you want to start saving for a major life goal, such as buying a house or retiring. Or perhaps you want to revamp your spending habits so that you don’t waste as much money. Take a look at your goals and decide how you need to manage your money to get you there.^{[13]
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- You may find consulting with a financial planner helpful, especially if your goals are significant or complex, like starting a small business.
- Determine your net worth to give you a snapshot of what you owe and what your assets are. This will help you make sound financial decisions.
- If you have just gotten married, taking a good look at your finances will help you form a budget, add each other as beneficiaries on any retirement and insurance plans, and consider a new insurance policy.
- If you have more debts than you can possibly manage to pay, you may consider filing for bankruptcy. However, this is a very serious decision that has long-lasting effects on your credit and overall well-being, so speak with a bankruptcy attorney to determine whether this is a suitable option for you.^{[14]
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9

Turn to others for support.

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Cultivating a supportive social network will help you adapt to your new life. Starting a new life can be a daunting prospect. Surround yourself with people who love and respect you and can help you on your journey, as can turning to people who are living the type of life you want. Knowing that you have sources of support will help you feel strong and capable as you face your new life.
- If you’re changing careers, for instance, try to meet people who are already in that field: professors, colleagues, friends. Attend lectures and conferences and strike up conversations with strangers you meet there. They can offer insight as well as support.
- And don’t discount the importance of emotional support from friends and loved ones, even if they don’t have direct experience or insight to offer. Nobody gets through life alone, and having cheerleaders by your side as you transition into a new chapter will make all the difference.

Expert Q&A

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How do I kickstart my life again?

Nicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment Expert
Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Expert based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She holds a decade of experience creating change in various non-profits then went on to operate her own wellness business for 10 years. Most recently, she worked as a Therapy Associate to a chiropractic neurologist for 15 months working hands-on with patients, helping them heal from neurological disorders like concussions, long covid, migraines, and more. Nicolette guides groups and individuals on transformative meditation journeys and game-changing mindset management workshops and retreats on empowering everyone to keep expanding beyond past conditioning and self-limiting beliefs. Nicolette is a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher with a Psychology & Mindfulness Major, a NASM certified Corrective Exercise Specialist, and an expert in psychophysiology with experience in nervous system regulation and breath work. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University

Nicolette Tura, MA

Empowerment Expert

Expert Answer

Be honest with yourself about where you are. Think about what your highest vision for yourself is, as well as what challenges you're facing. What do you want your everyday morning wellness routine to look like? How do you think you should take time to unplug? Look at anything in your life that feels unbalanced, like your work or your relationship. That can help you decide what you need to change for the next chapter of your life.

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Warnings

If you are a victim of domestic abuse and want to start a new life, contact trusted friends and family to help you. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for advice. It can be dangerous to leave an abuser and you will need people you can rely on. Make plans and keep yourself safe.

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