Chapter Text
Dealing with heat has never been Loki's forte.
Coming from the origins that he did, it really wasn't such a surprise. However, even though his origins were known by the woman with him today, that did not mean she ever truly took it into consideration, ignoring the fact in her haste to take Loki someplace her own childish amusement: the beach.
Which, in Loki's opinion, was a very asinine thing of her to do.
Upon the arrival, Loki was immediately disgusted. He still is, in fact, as he helps take down a few objects of no importance from the strange metal contraption that is very behind in its time. From where the metal contraption is, he can see dirt and waves of brown and blue shimmering under the burning waves of ultra radiation that the pathetic mortals call sunshine.
"Hey, don't drop anything!"
Loki turns his attention the woman with him now, who is currently taking off her glasses and putting on larger ones that are tinted slightly and look, quite frankly, ridiculous.
"Darcy, why did you bring me here?" he demands.
She ignores his question and instead plucks a single object from his hands: her iPod. Putting strange tubes in her ears and clicking away on her iPod, she then takes out two towels and starts to walk towards the infested-looking waters.
Loki, alarmed by the notion, follows.
"You did not answer my question," he hisses as he catches up, gingerly trying not to let any of the dirt get on his feet, though he finds he is surprised by the way it shifts and sticks so much. Damn those weird shoes Darcy made him wear...
"It's the beach, stupid," says Darcy finally. "You don't need a reason to come."
Loki frowns; he doesn't appreciate the way she calls him such names.
"Well, I despise the place," Loki snarls. "Look at these foolish mortals, all of them half-dressed and lying about on dirt, letting their children run to their polluted deaths. It's really hard to grasp the concept that this place has not been invaded successfully."
"Yeah, well, the last time you tried, you didn't come to the beach," offers Darcy unhelpfully. "Maybe that should be your next try to take over my world, babe! It'd certainly be funny."
Loki's lips curl in indignation. "Do not mock me," he says.
"Hey, I'm not! I'm all for it, really, considering I'd get to be like your evil queen or something. Or I could at least get free stuff out of people who are scared of you. Ooh, and maybe I could finally get back at all the rubbish ex-boyfriends who broke up with me," Darcy says, tucking her arm into Loki's as Loki arranges all objects he carries in one arm.
"I already took care of that one," mutters Loki to himself, but Darcy hears him and grins, squeezing his arm tighter as they continue to walk through the sand.
"Aw, you are such a softie," coos Darcy, and then she pauses. "Well, as much as a softie as a guy who must've scared the shit out of several guys. Hey, did anyone of them pee their pants? I would've paid to see that."
Loki, despite being annoyed at just how asinine Darcy's comments (and thought process) could be, finds that he starts to smile just a little at how strange Darcy Lewis is, and how he finds it most endearing.
"Ooh! Look! Seagulls!" comes Darcy's next asinine comment, for when Loki looks, all he sees are unremarkably stupid white birds who flock about trying to eat anything that seems out of place. "Wow, this place is just so beautiful today."
Loki gives her a look- because can't she she the horrible place around her?- and finds himself being wisked through more of that sticky, suspicious dirt, to a spot just among said dirt, where Darcy throws down an object from Loki's arms: a large blanket. She then proceeds to set up a giant umbrella over it, as well as lay out a few things over it.
"What in the name of Asgard are you doing?" Loki finally asks.
Darcy looks at him as though he's the asinine one, not her. "Setting up our spot," she says. "Duh." She then proceeds to hurriedly start to take her top off, which makes Loki's senses snap to attention.
"Now what are you doing?" he says.
"Um, getting out of these clothes?" Darcy offers. "Aw, shit, I'm stuck. Mind helping me?" She turns and angles her body towards him, gesturing stiffly to the way her blouse has been caught on her chest.
Loki stiffens; the heat is sweltering, but now he feels as though his body is on fire. "Why do you need to disrobe in a place such as this?" he asks, looking once more at the disgusting scene.
"I have my bathing suit under here, genius," deadpans Darcy, complete with an eye roll. Loki frowns, clearly recognizing her use of sarcasm and once again not appreciating it. "Besides," Darcy adds, "you have to do that, too."
Loki now realizes why the mortals are all half-dressed, and he frowns once more at just how asinine these mortals are; perhaps he should try to take over their world once more, seeing how they are obviosuly unfit with the ruler they have now.
"I will do no such thing," he says coldly.
"Yeah, we'll see," Darcy replies. "Just get this shirt off me now, will you?"
Loki grips the shirt as she desires and yanks it off, mumbling of how foolish this is. Darcy removes the long skirt she had been wearing, and Loki is startled to see she's in what appears to just be her underclothes. Once again, against the heat, he's burning and he does not like the sensation.
"What are you wearing?"
"Er, it's a bikini," Darcy says, suddenly looking self-conscious.
"What does that mean?"
"It's just a bathing suit, alright?" Darcy says. "Now come on, take your shirt off! Did you even bring shorts? I don't think you brought shorts. Good thing I brought you a pair..."
Loki has stopped listening after take your shirt off. "I beg your pardon, what?"
Darcy ignores him once more and digs through a bag she's brought, pulling out a horrific red, white, and blue piece of clothing that not only makes Loki horrified, but angry. Darcy seems to pick up on this by the way her cheeks flare.
"Uh, so, they're Steve's," she offers awkwardly.
Loki glares. "I can see that."
"Don't get batshit jealous, okay? He let me take them for you."
"I am not jealous," spits Loki (though he is). "I simply refuse to ever wear such a thing out where mortals are. He is one of my enemies, and I will never surrender to his influence!"
"Loki, it's a freakin' pair of shorts."
"His shorts. I wil not wear them," he says, standing his ground.
Darcy sighs. "Fine, then, how are you going to get in the water? Wearing all of your clothes? Because while I've done that once, I promise you won't enjoy yourself very much that way."
"Get in what water? All I see is filth!" exclaims Loki. That has to be the most asinine thing she's said all day; that, and the fact she insists he won't enjoy himself very much, seeing how he might as well be in Hel right now and enjoying himself was never going to be an option.
"Dude, you've seriously killed people. I think that water is the least of your troubles."
Loki frowns. "I will not succumb to your asinine ideas," he informs her matter-of-factly. "And, for that matter, I will be removing no articles of my clothing. It is bad enough you have made me come as I am." He gestures, then, to the T-shirt and jeans he is wearing, along with the devilish sandals.
Darcy crosses her arms. "Loki. I told you we were going to have fun today, remember? And how are you going to do that when you're just standing here, pouting like a big baby?"
"I am not-"
"Loki," she cuts him off now. "Shirt off. Now."
"I will not-"
"Loki." Darcy gives him her most annoyed face (though Loki cannot take her seriously in those oversized glasses), and keeps her arms crossed. "You asked me to be your girlfriend, remember?"
"I believe I blackmailed you, but yes, I suppose I did."
"Whatever. And you promised me you'd do couple-y stuff with me, just like Jane and Thor do, remember?" Darcy prompts, making Loki frown at the mention of his brother and the mortal scientist.
"Perhaps."
"Then take off your shirt, because I have my taser with me and I will not hesitate to bring you down and take it off myself," Darcy says seriously, though Loki sees a twinkle in her eye that he suspects she has picked up from spending so much time with him.
The idea brings a ghost of a smile to Loki's lips. "You're threatening me?" he says, laughing just the slightest as he saunters closer to his mortal girlfriend, delight twinkling in his green eyes. "Well, darling, I'm certainly surprised."
"Whatever. Are you going to or not?" Darcy asks.
"Alright, if it means so much to you, I will shed my shirt," Loki says begrudgingly, and then he adds, "But I will never wear that abomination." This he says while gesturing to Steve's patriotic shorts, which admittedly makes Darcy grin.
"Well, Steve's hot," Darcy says- and Loki gives her a horrified look- but then she adds, "But I think you wearing his shorts are a little to much for me; I like my men tall, pale, and with a hatred for America, not buff and blond with a little too much patriotic spirit."
Once again, Loki finds she's made another asinine comment- I might have to start keeping count, he thinks to himself- but he doesn't tell her so, and instead he settles to removing his shirt as she had requested, though inwardly cursing mortal customs.
"Are you satisfied?" he grumbles once he's done.
"Oh, very," says a grinning Darcy, and he frowns (and also flushes) as she removes her giant glasses and lets her eyes rake his body; she's always been too fond of admiring the form of men, and it's another thing he finds asinine.
"Now, what else?" asks Loki, directing her eyes away from his chest, and not daring to sneak a glance at her chest, because he doesn't want her to feel as though she is in control of him and can easily bewitch him in such manner (though the latter is probably true).
"We go swim," Darcy says like it's obvious. "Come on, let's go."
"In the filth?"
Darcy sighs. "Yes, Loki, in the filth. And also, are you going to keep your jeans on? It'd probably be better if, y'know, you went in your underwear or something..."
Loki frowns, because he knows the game she's playing, and she is not going to get him to succumb any further. "No," he says. "I will wear these into the filth."
"Damn, I was totally hoping you would," says Darcy, and her grin is so wide Loki finds it hard to resist her (and her revealing outfit). "But, whatever, let's just get in. Race you!"
She then takes off in a run, leaving a confused Loki in her wake.
"Raise me where?" he calls after her, and he can hear her laugh echo from where he stands. Carefully, he gingerly removes the strange shoes from his feet and starts to go after her, finding the shifting dirt just as hard to maneuver with bare feet, and a lot more painful; the heat has warmed the sand to the point that it feels as though his skin is burning.
Darcy waves him over to where she is. Unfortunately, the place is currently ankle-deep in the filth that she says is water. She appears quite happy for a reason Loki does not share- he suspects it another asinine one- but he does not dwell on that, either, and rather muddles through the filth to join her against his better judgment.
She expresses contempt at seeing him there, and she happily takes his hand and intertwines her fingers with his, looking out over the filth she still must call water and the way it comes as giant waves of brown-and-blue muck towards them.
"Thank you for coming," she says softly.
Loki doesn't answer; rather, he looks down at her face, and she looks up at him, smiling in a gentle way that he's only known Darcy to be in special moments. He refrains from smiling back, but he does smirk and say, "I did promise we would have our moments, did I not?"
"Okay, so you did," says Darcy slowly. "But, I'm afraid that while this is a moment for us, there's one thing we need to do." Her eyes gleam with the one thing Loki has always known to see: mischief.
"And that would be?" he prompts.
"A water fight!"
And that is how Loki is then sprayed with a handful of water Darcy has scooped with her hands, the cold water trickling down his face and down his chest. Surprisingly, Loki finds the cold welcoming, despite the fact he is now dirtied with the filth of these mortals.
"It appears you've said the word fight," he says calmly. "Well, Darcy, you know I can never resist a challenge." Darcy grins at his words and begins to run, causing him to rush after her, all while resisting the urge to use magic before the eyes of prying mortals.
Loki still doesn't like heat.
But dragging Darcy down despite her shrieks of how "freakin' cold" the water is, he doesn't feel the heat at all; instead, all he feels is cold and his own inner heat, which is a fire that burns for the asinine woman who has made him question himself as he willingly complies with her asinine ideas.
Loki still does not appreciate how asinine Darcy may be.
But as her lips meet his, hers more wet and his more dry, his more cold despite her being more wet, he finds that spending a day with Darcy Lewis, no matter now asinine, is one he will always enjoy.