1.
Not everyone likes drinking beer. The rest of humanity finds this weird.
2.
"If it's good enough for Luke Skywalker, why the hell isn't it good enough for you?"
3.
It turns out there are quite a few problems with not being keen on doing this:
4.
You ruin every round. "Ummm, actually, can I get a glass of the house red...?"
5.
Downing drinks is tricky.
6.
You never get to look this cool.
7.
Or as cool as Bob Hawke, the 84-year-old former prime minister of Australia.
8.
He just loves downing beer.
9.
You can't have a nice cold beer on a summer afternoon.
10.
Instead you go for cider, which usually tastes like piss.
11.
Unfortunately, nothing is as refreshing as beer.
12.
Everyone looks at you slightly oddly when you hit the hard stuff early to avoid drinking beer.
13.
And it gets really boring explaining why you don't want a pint.
14.
You get unnecessarily angry at the pub's poor selection of wines.
15.
You also react rather too enthusiastically when you find someone else not drinking beer.
16.
For some reason giving up beer makes you feel very old, very quickly.
17.
Trying to drink wine at the same pace as people drinking beer can get very messy.
18.
You tend to overcompensate.
19.
The simple fact of the matter is a pint is the best measure of any drink.
20.
You really struggle when someone very kindly buys you a drink, but it turns out to be a beer.
21.
Beer is the only beverage worth considering at sports events. In saying no, you feel like this guy:
22.
You can't even enjoy wrestling properly.
23.
You tend to get a bit oversensitive when you go round to someone's house and all they have to drink is beer.
24.
So for you, instead of beer, sophistication is the name of the game.
