Wanted him to be my lover, not my lodger: Our agony aunt answers your questions

OUR agony aunt gets to the heart of your sex and relationship problems.

Boyfriend on laptop ignoring frustrated girlfriendGETTY

'He's on his laptop for hours on end and isn't interested in having sex with me'

When my colleague asked to move in with me, I assumed he was interested in a proper relationship. I thought we’d build a future together; go on romantic dates and fall in love. But I think he’s only staying with me so he can hide from his ex. He’s on his laptop in my study for hours on end and isn’t interested in having sex with me. In the three months he’s been here, I’ve tried everything from home-cooked meals to full-on sexual propositions and I’m tired of being rejected. I’m embarrassed, humiliated and confused. When I ask him what’s going on, he tells me that he’s simply waiting for his ex to return to her home country so that he can breathe again, but how much more time am I expected to give him?

End this farce now by showing this user of a man the door. Accept that the wires were crossed at the very beginning. You thought he was interested in a romantic liaison with you, while he simply needed somewhere to hide out. Don’t allow him to overstay his welcome a minute longer or bring any sort of trouble to your door. If you’re looking for love, then see if friends or family can recommend someone to you. Ultimately, make sure that you always do your homework in advance and don’t leap feet first into any future relationships, unless you know exactly what you’re letting yourself in for.

She won’t give back what she borrowed

Months ago I lent a friend a smart outfit and hat. She was going to a wedding and was short of cash. Now I cannot get my clothes back. Every time I ask to pick them up, she makes an excuse. The other day I turned up and she refused to open the door, saying she was busy cooking supper. I don’t want to get nasty, but what should I do now?

I suggest you contact this friend again and make it clear that you want your things back – no matter what kind of state they’re in. Give her a deadline and leave her in no doubt that you’re not going to let this lie. If she’s embarrassed because the clothes have been damaged, lost or she’s made the mistake of lending them on to someone else, then she has to tell you where you stand. Make it clear that this matter is now in danger of coming between you and a resolution/compensation arrangement needs to be found.

How can I get him to forgive my cheating?

I cheated on my partner a few months ago. I’ve promised him it will never happen again, but he doesn’t want to know me. It breaks my heart that he no longer cares about me. I can do or say anything and he doesn’t even bother looking up. When we first met we were passionate; we fought, made love and our relationship was edgy and alive. Now I could writhe naked on the floor and he’d simply walk over me. Where can we go from here?

Insist on a sit-down chat and beg your man to level with you. Do you and he actually have a future or are you both guilty of wasting each other’s time? If he admits he feels your relationship has run out of steam, then can it be revived? Tell him you’re prepared to work as hard as it takes to make things good again, but you can’t turn back the clock or undo the stupid things you did – and now deeply regret. Also, ask yourself why you felt tempted to cheat in the first place.

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