Does this mason jar contain a treasure map? Or maybe a million dollars? Or maybe even the ghost of a pirate that spent decades stalking the coast of Florida? No one knows for sure. All we do know is that a Florida woman recently found this old mason jar in a decaying tree trunk and now she’s selling it on eBay.
Donna Handforth of Oceanway, Florida discovered the mason jar after her dogs started digging around an old tree stump. And to be clear, she’s not claiming that it contains some magical treasure. In fact she says that she hasn’t even opened it, which leaves dozens of possibilities for what could be inside.
But why wouldn’t she open it? Somehow, the local news in Florida never gets around to asking this question.
“Now I’ll be honest, when you shake it, it doesn’t rattle. So I don’t think there’s any coins in there,” Handforth told First Coast News. Yeah, but what about the ghost pirate? Or the $1 trillion billion in bank notes! She doesn’t even mention the possibility!
The safest bet for what this time capsule holds? Literally nothing, of course. There’s pretty much a 99.9 percent chance that the mason jar is just an old mason jar. It might not even be that old, despite the fact that Handforth seems convinced that it’s an ancient time capsule.
But who’s to say that it’s not a ghost jar haunted by the spirits of an alien race? Or even a portal to another dimension where up is down and cats are dogs and time capsules move backward in time instead of forward? Well, most people could say it’s not that and they’d probably be right. But we don’t know for sure! WHY WON’T SHE OPEN IT!
The bidding starts at $9.99 and Handforth says that 50 percent of the proceeds from the auction will go to a local bird rescue foundation, which is admirable even if it’s completely unverifiable.
As Handforth notes in the eBay listing, this time capsule could be another “Al Capone’s vault,” referring to that time Geraldo Rivera first became a national punchline. But she’s going to let the person who buys it find out.
Could this all be a weird hoax? Sure. But is “Women Finds Old Mason Jar In Tree Trunk”? one of the best local news headlines in months? You bet your ass it is.
It could not be confirmed at press time whether the eBay purchase includes insurance to cover the (unlikely? likely?!?!?) event of a ghost haunting you until you’re dead for disturbing its eternal slumber. Ladies and gentleman, start your bidding.
Update July 1, 2015, 2:24pm: The bidding is up to $212.50 with seven days to go.
Images taken via screenshot from First Coast News