A Definitive Ranking Of How Dead The Parents Of Disney Princesses Are

Status: Both parents alive.

Merida's parents are arguably the least dead of any Disney princess of all time, and yet she still pretty much spends 80% of the movie ragging on them, not to mention gets her mom turned into a freaking BEAR and almost kills her. Disney doesn't have any trouble killing parents, girlfriend! They don't need your help!

Status: Both parents alive.

And for good reason, because Mulan hacked off all her hair, ran away from home and crane-kicked a bunch of Huns for the sole purpose of keeping her old timer dad alive. If that man had not been breathing when she returned we all would have gone ape shit.

Status: Both parents alive.

In her defense, though, she was basically raised by a bunch of highly distractible fairies in the woods while her 'rents chilled out on their swag-tastic thrones in a castle. Apparently when your kid gets cursed you get a free parenting pass for sixteen years. #LIFEHACK.

Status: Both parents alive.

But she didn't actually KNOW this until her eighteenth birthday, when they pretty much had no legal claim of guardianship over her. Also she was raised by a crazy witch lady who pretended to be her mom so could exploit her magic hair for free Botox. She is the most parent-less of all the Disney princesses who have both parents alive.

Status: Living father.

We don't actually learn in the movie how Pocahontas's mother died, but historians theorize that she may have died in childbirth, although there are no existing English records of her death. Still, even without a mother she had one kick-ass dad and the ever sassy Grandmother Willow, AKA the reason most nineties kids had one-sided conversations with trees.

Status: Living mother.

Tiana's father died in World War I, but not before instilling the fatherly wisdom that inspired her to follow her dreams. Luckily her supportive mother was still alive to watch her success, although she did seem curiously chill about her daughter disappearing for a few days while she was trying to break a curse that turned her into an amphibian.

Status: Living fathers.

When you think about it, Jasmine and Belle have very similar situations: their somewhat derpy, misguided, older fathers stumble into some sort of mess that puts them in mortal peril, and also their mothers are both inexplicably dead (assuming that their mothers would have knocked some common sense into their paternal units before either of these movies had PLOTS).

Seriously, though, are these two Disney dads actually the same guy reincarnated to mess up yet another abnormally wide-eyed, beautiful-haired girl's life?

Status: Living father.

Anyone who had the misfortune of watching Little Mermaid 3: Ariel's Beginnings knows that as far as Disney parental deaths go, Queen Athena's was pretty freaking grim. Ariel basically watched on the sideline as her mom got gutted by pirates. Makes you a little more sympathetic about the whole "teenage rebellion" thing, huh?

Status: Orphan.

Before 2013 nobody ever predicted that the words "Do you want to build a snowman?" would make grown men cry, but then Disney killed the king and queen of Arendelle. Still, Anna did get a solid fifteen years with them, which makes her the least orphaned of the orphan princesses.

(And no, Elsa's not on this list. She ain't no princess. She's a QUEEN.)

Status: Orphan.

Ugh, early era Disney dads and their ill-fated second marriages. Combine that with their terrible habit of dying right after they tie the knot, and you've pretty much got a recipe for disaster. Cinderella's mom is dead before the movie even starts, and Papa Cindy is pretty much useless after the first ninety seconds.

Status: Orphan.

Nobody's parents are as dead as Snow White's are dead, cuz when they croak, Snow has diddly squat -- no fairy godmother, no wise grandmother tree, and a stepmother who hired a mercenary to chop her head off. Typical drama for a FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD GIRL.

She is clearly the winner in the deadest Disney princess parent ranking. I rest my case.