Star Wars: Stephen Colbert guesses Force Awakens plot

Stephen Colbert is just as excited for Star Wars: The Force Awakens as everyone else, so much so that the Late Show host is pretty sure he already knows how it ends.

Colbert was off last week, so he didn’t get to participate in the mania surrounding the final trailer for J.J. Abrams’ take on a galaxy far, far away. “It was pretty good,” Colbert downplayed about the teaser. “This was not a 10-second, slow fade teaser. None of that B.S. This was a real trailer.”

Colbert, who said he was moved by seeing Chewbacca and the Millennium Falcon, is friends with Abrams, but the director has told him nothing about Star Wars or anything else. “Including what J.J. stands for or what his phone number is,” Colbert joked.

But despite the intense secrecy around The Force Awakens, Colbert thinks he has the plot all figured out.

“It has been three decades since the events of the original trilogy. The dark and mysterious First Order has stepped into the power vacuum once held by the Empire. And the newly named Resistance fights in place of the Rebel Alliance, which has begun a tragic shift to the dark side,” Colbert speculated on Wednesday. “But John Boyega’s character is in a Stormtrooper, so it follows that now the new New Hope comes from the very enemy we’ve been trained to hate.

“Remember, the Dark Side was never explicitly tied to the Empire; the Force itself exists outside of mere temporal authority structures,” Colbert added. “So I predict that dark becomes light, light becomes dark, and the very fabric of the Force is stretched to its limit as a new generation emerges to tear down the false distinctions of the past and unite all of us: old and new, moisture farmers and nerf herders, star and wars, once and for all, bringing peace to the galaxy.”

Audiences will be able to see if Colbert’s speculation is right soon enough. Starring Boyega as Finn, Daisy Ridley as Rey, Oscar Isaac as Poe Dameron, Adam Driver as Kylo Ren, Lupita Nyong’o as Maz Katana, Gwendoline Christie as Captain Phasma, and Harrison Ford as Han Solo, Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia, and Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker, Star Wars: The Force Awakens arrives in theaters on Dec. 18.

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