How to Avoid Drama

Co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD

Last Updated: April 18, 2024 Approved

Drama is emotionally draining. The good news is you don't need to let other people's drama infiltrate your life. Whether you have a dramatic parent, friend, coworker, or neighbor, it's possible to set boundaries and steer clear of the drama for good. Check out the tips below to learn how to avoid drama and all of the negativity that comes with it.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Minimizing Your Own Drama in the Heat of the Moment

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1
Think before you act. In the heat of the moment, avoid making a scene over nothing (or losing credibility by overreacting to something that does indeed need to be dealt with). When someone upsets you, take a breath or two before you respond to them. Think of yourself in the third person, as though you are watching yourself from the outside. Examine the reasons why this incident has upset you so you can deal with it in a thoughtful manner instead of acting impulsively.^{[1]
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- “Would I be as upset over this if other parts of my life (school, work, family, etc.) weren’t so stressful at the moment?”
- “Am I really this upset over this one incident, or am I already angry with this person over something else entirely?”
- “Would this person do the same thing to me if they knew how much it would upset me, or would they refrain in the future if I simply explained why I don’t appreciate this?”
2
Rein in your emotions. You’re not a robot, so allow yourself a moment to feel upset and angry. Give that feeling a chance to wash over you and then recede a little before you react. Resist the urge to attack the other person (emotionally, physically, or both), which will only make the situation much more stressful. Avoid the following traps:^{[2]
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- Engaging in a tit-for-tat exchange in an attempt to hurt the other person as much as they hurt you.
- Insisting that you get the last word in.
- Plotting intricate revenge (or even just plain old revenge) in order to get back at them.
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3
Act constructively. Ride your initial emotions out a little. Identify the reason why you felt upset to begin with. Then think of what steps you can take to actually improve the situation, rather than simply extend it.^{[3]
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- Sharing your thoughts and feelings in a calm, straightforward manner will make the other person reconsider their own actions.^{[4]
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- Assuring them that they are safe to communicate honestly with you, too, will reduce the risk of future incidents.
- Walking away from the situation entirely is the only real way to deescalate it.^{[5]
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4
Identify the source early on. When you find yourself time and time again in situations that always seem to escalate into drama, take a step back. Consider each situation on its own. Then compare it with the others. Identify what is similar or constant from one situation to the next so you know exactly when and where to improve your attitude when new situations arise. Ask yourself:
- “Do these situations always occur between me and specific people?”
- “Do they tend to happen at the same time (such as stressful periods like finals at school, unemployment, or the holidays)?”
- “Am I the only common factor in all these instances?”^{[6]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Preempting Further Drama in Your Life

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Whether you are dealing with friends, family, significant others, or coworkers, resist the compulsion to please everyone all the time. Only promise time and devotion to people if and when you know you can deliver. Since drama may build up when people think you are “failing” them, clearly define your availability on a case-by-case basis right from the start. Let each person know exactly how much they can expect of you and when, and no more.
2
Balance the people in your life. The more people you include in your life, the more conflict you will have when it comes to scheduling your time. As you make new commitments to new people, incorporate them into your schedule so that no one else feels slighted by any perceived lack of attention. This may mean that you are less available overall for any given person, so be sure that you still make time for them regularly, if not as frequently as you have in the past.
- Also know when to make exceptions to your usual schedule for special events like birthdays, weddings, graduations, etc.
A lot of drama results from miscommunication or no communication at all. Of course, it is impossible to know everything all the time, so when someone upsets you, feel free to ponder the reasons why they acted as they did. Just be sure to clearly divide what you know for sure versus what you merely speculate. Only act on what you definitely know to be fact. If you’re going to assume anything, always assume that your assumptions may turn out to be flat-out wrong in the end.^{[7]
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Don’t put too much stock in what other people tell you about events that you haven’t witnessed for yourself. People aren’t necessarily going to lie to you, but recognize that the “truth” may mutate from one person’s telling to the next’s. Accept other people’s versions as their own interpretations of what really happened, but resist passing your own judgment based on other people’s accounts.^{[8]
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Although drama is so often the result of poor communication, oversharing the truth can be just as bad. Be honest and forthcoming when you speak with people, but know when to hold the truth back. If you anticipate that someone would be hurt by what you have to say, ask yourself if hearing it would be beneficial to them in the long run. If not, keep it to yourself.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Dealing with Other People’s Drama

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When someone in your life comes to you to unload, lend them an ear. Resist the temptation to immediately write off their need to share everything that is bothering them as simple “drama” (which, obviously, we tend to regard as a “bad” thing).^{[9]
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When the same person comes to you again and again with one drama after another, ask yourself if this is acceptable to you. Share your own troubles with them to see if this is a two-way street or if they really only expect you to be an audience for their own woes. Take a step back and assess whether their negative attitude is infecting your own outlook. Count the number of times when their various dramas have led you into situations that you would have rather avoided.^{[10]
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If you feel like someone else’s drama is impacting your own life negatively, consider your history with that person. Consider whether your involvement in their past dramas did anything to improve matters for them. If it has, weigh how committed you really feel toward this person, and whether or not you feel obligated to continue being a source of support for them. But if your participation in their drama doesn’t do them any good anyway, be assured that you can quit taking part in it without making things worse for them.^{[11]
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4
Draw a line in the sand. Refuse to participate in their dramas.^{[12]
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Research source} If you wish to maintain your relationship, politely but honestly explain how all these dramas are really just polluting that relationship. Assure them that you wish to keep them in your life, but to do so, they need to keep their drama to themselves. Or, if you feel they can’t handle such upfront honesty, just refuse to engage in their dramas at all until they finally get the message and deal with them on their own.
- If the other person doesn’t matter that much to you to begin with, the solution is much easier. Simply nix them from your life altogether to avoid being sucked into yet another drama (or at the most see them very sparingly).^{[13]
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Be honest with the people in your life! if you think badly of someone or their ideas, tell them upfront. It might minimize your friend list, but it will help you identify the friends that accept you for you.

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