You are a sum of your experiences and past relationships are part of that. Sadly, baggage from past relationships can cause relationship issues and hinder you from enjoying your marriage. An innocent comment, look or action from your partner can trigger a painful memory from the past and make you very defensive. However, there are certain things that you can do to begin letting go of the past and reducing your vulnerability to the ghosts of your past.

 Be Aware

Unchecked triggers can do a lot of damage to your marriage unless you recognize them for what they are. If you know what your triggers are, you’ll be able to see them coming and decide how you are going to react.

It is also important to let your partner know what your triggers are.  This way, if something happens, he/she can avoid making the situation worse and instead offer you the support that you need.

Banish the Ghosts

Any time you react negatively to an innocent comment, look or action from your spouse, take time to examine your reaction and figure out what set you off. This way, you’ll know what to watch out for in the future.

In the same breath, you don’t have to wait until something happens to identify your triggers. You know what caused relationship issues in your past relationships and what you didn’t like about your exes, so you know what might set you off. If you are proactive, you can seek help and banish these ghosts before they cause marriage problems

Keep in mind that there are some relationship issues that you and your spouse can’t resolve alone. Don’t hesitate to ask for help from a professional counselor, a support group or your pastor if you need to.