I mean, I knew we were all getting Show vs. Strow. I'm sure many of us pre-made bathroom and/or sandwich plans because of it. But for it to close out the show... That goddamn beefslab fest. One week after the show-closing moment was the "undersized" Daniel Bryan retiring from competition because - literally - he performed to such an amazing degree in the ring, at such an athletic and dynamic level, that he irrevocably damaged his brain, just felt like such a weird slap in the face. One that I'm sure the WWE didn't intend, but it sure did display a drastic disconnect.
Basically, WWE had to sell us on this new one-PPV "Titan" stable over the course of a single episode. I had no idea Bray was "running through the TITANS" of the WWE. I mean, they could have mentioned it before this week, but I wasn't paying attention. I was too busy wondering why Brock wasn't seeking revenge on Bray for the Rumble. And then last night I kept wondering why Brock wasn't included in the list of "titans." Then I spent the main event wondering what big name was going to appear to make it all worthwhile. Would Brock make his move? Undertaker? Hell - Goldberg? Something to explain why this was the final segment.
The answer, ultimately, was Kane. Who hasn't been a good answer to anything in years. We all know this. We all kind of accept this. WWE seems resistant to it though. Still insisting that Kane is someone to get excited about.
So I spent a lot of last night wondering when something awesome and important was going to happen. Not the best way to feel this close to 'Mania, I get that. I all makes me question just how much we should ultimately care about Fastlane. Is it a story-builder show or just a rest stop? A detour on the way to April? I have concerns. And thoughts. Ugh. Anyway, that was a downer finish for RAW. I hope people in Anaheim were able to leave early enough to avoid the clog in the Pond parking lot. In fact, the booking sort of felt like it wanted people to start trickling out of there early. Pretty considerate if you think about it.
To that end, RAW actually had a great opening. The whole segment with Dean and the Fatal 5-Way and Kevin Owens recapturing the IC belt? That was really fun. And I liked that Tyler Breeze and Stardust got to be in the match - and got to be competitive in the match. Perhaps Breeze'll be able to rise up a bit. You know, now that his days of quickly jobbing to Titus O'Neil are over. At least for two months.
I won't go too much into O'Neil's weird suspension (which was originally 90 days) since A: It's such a bizarre story, B: I have no other information regarding it other than what's already out there, and C: It's such a bizarre story. I think the consensus, with most everyone, is that it's crazy overkill. Taking a guy out of WrestleMania like that. Not that we all had huge designs for an O'Neil match at 'Mania, but - you know - he could have won the Andre Battle Royale thing. Or just been in it. It's still just a giant thing to be a part of the show in any capacity. Plus, he's a guy who gets put out there. For charity and media and such. He's a forward face.
Quick recap for those who don't know anything about this. Right at the fade-out AFTERSHOW end of Bryan's retirement segment, on the Network, O'Neil "playfully grabbed" Vince while Vince was exiting. O'Neil then got suspended for lacking professionalism.
Lesson here is don't grab Vince. Even if you think you have a relationship where grabbing Vince is okay. Or one where you think it'd be okay. Or one where you constantly grab Vince 24/7 and the time in your life back when you didn't somehow grab Vince every second of the day has become more and more of a memory blur. Like, all you are in in this life now is a guy who grabs Vince. Don't grab Vince.
Back to Stardust for a sec...I was at Dallas Comic Con over the weekend to witness the latest confrontation between Stardust and Arrow's Stephen Amell. Including a few words with them backstage after the panel where they further discussed raffling off Amell's Slammy award in support of young Elijah Mainville and his battle against cancer. You can read the piece here (where they also discuss the possibility of a SummerSlam rematch) and then behold this image of Stardust lifting me up while my pants were falling down...
More from RAW, plus Lucha Underground and more on Page 2...
Anyhow. Owens is IC champ again. Which sort of means he's not getting a huge bump up for 'Mania. Perhaps. We'll see after he (assumedly) gets past Ziggler at Fastlane. Are they gonna have the belt be on the line for the fifteen person ladder match again? It's possible.
More importantly, perhaps, is the fact that Dean is no longer IC champ. Which now gives us broken shards of hope that he - just maybe - wins at Fastlane. And heads out to face Triple H. Because now that potential matchup won't be further burdened with being a Champion vs. Champion affair. He's still the least likely to win. Actually, scratch that. I think Brock is least likely, truthfully, but Dean winning would be a giant swing that I don't think WWE is going to risk taking right now.
But, again, him possibly winning now is the biggest story in the company. More than Roman even. Roman had a decent segment with Paul halfway through RAW, but the biggest moment came after the Dudley attack when Dean did that brief, friendly "Dirty Deeds" fake out on Roman. I liked that a lot. And again, it doesn't have to signal a heel turn. Though I think we might want to reconsider our want for an Ambrose heel swerve. As awesome as it COULD be (if done right). I think any money in a Roman/Dean feud is with Roman as heel. Dean's the most over face in the company right now.
I also really like what they're doing with AJ Styles. I like his mid-card competitive matches with Jericho and Miz. And last week's Smackdown was all about Jericho vs. Styles. It wasn't just the main event, it was the entire show story. Starting with a tag match/team up during the opening and then a Jericho Codebreaker win at the end. Styles is not being buried, everyone. He's in a fun, action-filled storyline. And he's - essentially - carrying Smackdown as an attraction star.
I won't force myself to fully re-experience Bryan's retirement, though it should be said that Brie is also retiring soon. Either after her match with Charlotte at Fastlane or after 'Mania. Or, sometime in the next few months. A baby needs to be put inside her and she needs to be home and not wrestling for that to happen (so I've read from "the sex" manuals). Now that I've seen her segment with Charlotte last night, which was sublimely icky (from a heel Charlotte standpoint - DON'T MAKE ME WORRY ABOUT DANIELSON FAMILY MONEY PROBLEMS!), I do wonder if Brie now has a chance of winning. She was super-over doing those Bryan kicks. And she could, essentially, get a rub from all the good will toward her and Bryan right now. Or, like we all probably suspect, she'll be used to get Charlotte even more heat before she heads into 'Mania as Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak Champ (god, I still hate that belt).
Do we know what happened to Mark Henry last night? He was going to take the Big Ending. Then he seemed to slip out of it, like a reversal, but then he just fell. It wasn't supposed to happen, but nothing's come down the wire about it. Also, do we know WHAT THE F*** THIS WAS?
I don't know what the idea was or who was to blame or what in the f*** went down, but that situation was just SO RYBACK. I'm not sure how to explain it. He's just always a few steps off from being the ultimate hero he wants to be. I'm not saying it's Ryback's fault, just that he's usually at the weird, nougat-y center of oddball occurrences. Both dangerous and strange.
There's actually not that much news this week. Brie and Bryan were on Good Morning America. Big Show was on Austin's podcast. I didn't watch either yet - though - is Show's chat worth watching? I only ask because I've listened to him as a guest on a few podcasts and there's a chance I'll just hear the same stories over again. Did he address how much he's flip-flopped from heel to face and back again? Because he's talked about that before. With Jericho, I think.
Anyhow, Brie retiring (soon-ish) and Titus getting that bats*** suspension were the biggest headlines. Total Divas was boring, even from a trash show standpoint. Nikki got inspired by Maria Shriver and Alicia found out that her 60-year-old looking boyfriend was actually 50. And not 45 like she'd thought.
Lucha Underground introduced Kobra Moon, gave us Jack Evans (who's a freakin' treasure) vs. Drago, and then let Fenix and King Cuerno got nuts again with a Last Luchador Standing match. I like that the beginning of this season is so (almost singularly) invested in the Fenix/Cuerno feud. It's amazing that the storytelling is there even though we're not getting traditional "promos" from these guys. It's a testament to the idea that you can present wrestling in a different way - outside of the blueprint - and still have it strike an emotional cord.
Of course, people tumbling down on ladders through tables also helps with the "telling of stories."
Quick Wrap this week. Shout out to Filmore for bringing the first "GDYC" sign of 2016 to Anaheim RAW last night (plus a Kneelift with a hashtag and everything!)...
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