More Evidence Ted Cruz Might Be the Zodiac Killer

If you've spent much time on the Internet during this insane election season, you've probably seen somebody make a shocking claim about a certain senator from Texas. It turns out that many online believe that Ted Cruz might actually be the infamous Zodiac Killer that terrorized Northern California in the late '60s and early '70s. On one hand, this seems unlikely as Ted Cruz was born in 1970 and the first Zodiac murder was in 1968. But on the other hand, nobody knows who the Zodiac is. So...

Let's take this from the beginning. The meme began back in 2013, with a Twitter joke from @RedPillAmerica.

But it really took on a life of its own during Cruz's run for the presidency.

So why do people like to say that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac. I think there are a few key reasons.

1. He's a bigoted zealot, who by all reports is one of the most repulsive, awful human beings you could ever meet. I mean, even his fellow Senate Republicans feel that way. Lindsay Graham joked last month that "if you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you." You know what kind of person ordinary people are most okay with killing? Murderers.

2. He does kinda looks like the Zodiac. Especially if you squint.

3. He says things that really make him sound like a serial killer. This is something he told US Weekly in an effort to seem cool and relatable:

"When I’m away from the family, in Washington, D.C., my dinner is a can of soup. I have dozens in the pantry."

What a weird thing to do, and a weirder thing to admit in a fluffy "25 Things You Might Not Know About Me!" piece. The phrase "I have dozens in the pantry" sounds like a serial killer describing where he keeps his collection of dismembered limbs. You're just bringing this Zodiac talk upon yourself, Ted.

It's worth reiterating that since Ted Cruz was not born for some of the murders, and was in fact a baby for most of the others, he probably isn't the Zodiac. But that doesn't mean that this isn't a great and perfect tweet.

Then there this: A recent PPP poll actually showed that 38% of Florida voters thought that it was possible that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac. And if I've learned anything in life, it's that if 38% of Floridians think something, it's probably worth considering.