How to Get Your Child to Sleep in Their Own Bed

Co-authored by Corey Fish, MD

Last Updated: April 12, 2023

When you are a parent, sometimes you feel like it is such an accomplishment to get your child to sleep through the night that you almost don't care where they do it! While this might be fine when your child is very young, you are certainly going to want your own bed back at some point, so your child will have to learn how to sleep in their own bed. When the time comes, if your child constantly wants to sleep in your bed with you, you'll want to take some time to consider some of the things you can do to help them make the change to sleeping on their own.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Determining Why Your Child Wants to Sleep in Your Bed

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Be aware of how vulnerable your child is feeling when they are left alone in bed. Children from 6 to 15 months of age often cry and refuse to go to anyone other than a parent - referred to as "stranger anxiety”. So when a young child wakes in the middle of the night, they will automatically search the room for a parent as they are feeling vulnerable and alone.
- This creates a cycle where the child cries if they are alone in their room and cannot locate a parent. If you then go and check on your child, you now have to deal with an awake and crying child.
- Keep in mind there is nothing wrong with parents who cannot get their child to sleep through the night in their own bed. Sleep is a flexible behavior, and it is very normal for children to look for their parents if they wake up at night.^{[1]
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Understand why it's important for your child to sleep in their own bed. There are many benefits to weaning your child from your bed, as it teaches your child about boundaries, it allow them to gain their own space, and it nurtures their self-confidence and independence.^{[2]
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- Young children are not born with self control, it is something they have to learn from their parents. Remember that it is okay and normal for children to cry. In fact, it is often unavoidable if they are going to learn to control their behavior.
- As a parent, it's important for you to be firm and persistent about self control in your child, especially when it comes to sleeping arrangements. If you constantly soften and give in to your child's crying and protests, your child learns that if they cry long enough they will get want they want.^{[3]
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3
Think about any fears or anxieties around bedtime your child might have. There are many different reasons why your child is not comfortable in their own bed and it can be hard, when confronted with an upset child, to figure out what's going on instead of just letting them sleep in with you. It's worth exploring a few of the more common issues:^{[4]
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- Are they afraid of things that go bump in the night or monsters under the bed or in the closet?
- Are they jealous of a younger sibling and feel that this is the only way to get the attention that they want?
- Are there sounds they can hear that disturb them?
- Is their room too dark and in need of a night light?
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Have your child use action figures or dolls to act out their fears and anxieties around bedtime. You can also have your child draw or paint their anxieties around bedtime on a piece of paper.^{[5]
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- Give your child lots of time to open up and don't react negatively if they say something you don't want to hear. It's best to determine what exactly is causing them to react badly to sleeping in their own bed.
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Creating an Ideal Sleep Setting

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Give them some “protectors” to help them get through the night. Their favorite toy or a fluffy stuffed animal can be comforts and protectors against any "monsters" or shadows in your child's room.^{[6]
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- Another great way to help your child feel safe and protected is to let different stuffed animals represent different members of their family, so sleeping with a certain bear or toy can be just like sleeping with Mom or Dad.
- You can also record a tape of you reading child's favorite songs and stories so they can turn it on when they feel alone or need comfort.^{[7]
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Get night lights for your child's room. These can also go a long way toward banishing night terrors. For some children, the dark can turn a familiar room into a place that is very scary, and having a light that comes on in the dark can be instrumental to making the room seem friendly again.
- You can also give them a flashlight that they can keep by their bed or play with before bed so they feel like they are in control and can't get scared by things they cannot see in the dark.^{[8]
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- Make sure that all screens are out of the room.
- A white noise machine may also be helpful. It is better not to use a white noise app, however, because you want to avoid having any screens around.
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Give your child a spray bottle filled with "monster spray". This will allow them to shoot monsters with the spray if they come out of the closet or under the bed.^{[9]
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- You can also move the furniture around in your child's room to eliminate any large shadows or spooky corners in their room.
You can then put duct tape over the minutes and ask your child to tell you the number they see in the dark. Indicate to them the numbers that correspond with sleepy time, such as no one is awake in your home after 8 pm and no one should be awake before 5 am.^{[10]
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Use a tent to transition your child into their own room. As a compromise, you could allow your child to sleep in your room, but rather than in your bed, have them sleep in a tent or "camp" out in your room.
- Set up a kid's tent at the foot of your bed and let your child "camp" every night. Then, slowly move the tent out of your room and into your child's room.
- Allow your child to sleep in the tent in their room every night, but move your child's bedding and stuffed animals into their bed. Eventually, your child should avoid the hassle of moving all their sleep stuff back into the tent and just stay in their bed.
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Adjusting Your Child’s Sleep Habits

Start talking to your child about what they should expect at bedtime (in their own bed, in their own room, with a nice long sleep throughout the night) in the afternoon, so your child will know what to expect by lights-out.
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Create a bedtime ritual for your child. Some children need to be wound down slowly and putting them to bed before they are completely calmed down can lead to a sleepless night for them, and for you. Having a consistent bedtime ritual will indicate it is time for them to go to sleep and they will be in the right frame of mind for bed. You can customize the contents of this ritual; it is consistency that really matters.
- Your ritual could be giving them a bath and then reading them a story or singing them a song before bed.^{[11]
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- You could also make your child a "sleepytime book", nothing fancy, just a few pages stapled together that your child can color or look at before bed. It could tell a story about sleeping well in a new bed or new home, and encourage your child to recognize the value of sleeping in their own bed.
3
Sit on your child's bed until they fall asleep. If your child has a hard time falling asleep without your presence, withdraw yourself gradually. Sit on their bed and after a few days, switch to sitting in a chair a few feet from their bed. Then, over time, move the chair closer to the doorway of your child's room and/or into the hallway.
- Avoid talking to your child as you sit with them until they fall asleep. The idea is to bore them into slumber, not stimulate them.
4
Create a sleep rewards chart. Reward each night your child spends in their own bed with a sticker, and after a full week of sleeping in their own room, tell them they win a prize like a special outing or a new set of pyjamas.
- You could also create a toy-ticket program to stop your child from sneaking into your bed. If your child sleeps for several consecutive nights in their own bed, they can win tickets to trade in for new toys or a playdate.^{[12]
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Instruct your child to close their eyes and think about what they want for their birthday or what their day at school is going to be like tomorrow. Giving your child something to think about is a great tool to help them fall back asleep.^{[13]
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Put your child back in their bed if they sneak out into yours. Most sleep consultants and parents who've been there say that once you decide to start training your child to sleep in their own bed, bed sharing needs to end entirely. Each time your child gets out of bed, carry them back and calmly place them in their bed.
- Avoid yelling or nagging them as you do this. Your child will realize that they are not getting your attention, even negative attention, and this can cut down on their night-time wanderings from bed.
While it doesn't need to be locked, closing the door to your child's room will ensure they are not woken up by any noise in the hallway or other rooms in the house, and they will be less distracted as they try to fall asleep.
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Be patient and make small adjustments to their sleeping habits until they get used to their new bed. It may not be reasonable to demand that a child who's accustomed to sleeping in their parent's bed suddenly has to stay in their own room all night. So try making the separation more gradual.^{[14]
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- If your child began by sleeping in a crib in a separate room, you may have an easier time with gradually moving out of their room as they sleep.^{[15]
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- But if they began by sleeping in your bed with you, every night, you may need to put a comforter or air mattress on the floor and sleep in their room with them for a few nights until they get used to sleeping in their own bed.
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Is it weird to sleep talk and walk?

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It's not that weird, many people do one or the other or both. Sleepwalking can be dangerous though, so this is something you might want to bring up to your doctor.

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What if the child wakes up in the middle of the night and starts to wake you up on purpose?

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Take the child back to bed and either sing a song that will put the child to sleep, or read him/her a short story

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How do I sleep better in a creaky house?

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Ask your family members to keep the nighttime strolls to a minimum. Consider earplugs to minimize the noise further.

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