How to Flirt over Text Messages (for Teen Girls)

Co-authored by Cristina Morara

Last Updated: February 15, 2023 References

So you got your crush's number. Nice! Now, what's your next move? If you're not ready to dial those digits, warm up with some flirty texting. Flirting over text gives you time to think about your responses, and can ease you into flirting face-to-face. Keep things light, fun, and interesting, and you and your crush will be exchanging winky-face emojis before you know it!

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Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Opening the Conversation

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Take turns initiating the conversation. Try to keep things balanced between you--you shouldn't always be the one starting the conversation, but neither should your crush. If you realize you're always taking the lead, hold off and let your crush make the effort to reach out to you.^{[1]
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- If your crush never texts you first, then your time might be better spent on someone else. It's not fair for you to keep putting yourself out there when your crush won't do the same.^{[2]
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Open with something creative. Of course "Hey," and "What's up?" are fine greetings, but you're flirting, here! Try to send something that will immediately spark a conversation, or something that's a little cheeky, funny, and flirty to get your crush's attention.^{[3]
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Cristina Morara
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.} Try opening with lines like:
- "This made me think of you!" Send along with a link or funny picture that ties into an interest or joke you and your crush share.
- "That thing you posted on Facebook was hilarious."
- "I had a super weird dream about you last night."
- "I bet you $5 that...." or "I dare you to..."^{[4]
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Take your time responding. You don't have to set a timer to make sure you wait just the right amount of time before responding to a text, but you can amp up the excitement and anticipation if you stretch things out a little. Wait a few minutes before you send something back.
- Keep in mind that on some phones you can see when the other person is typing.
- You should also make sure you don't have "read receipts" enabled on your phone, which will show the other person exactly when you viewed his or her text.
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Set up an opportunity to text your crush by doing something memorable in person. If you don't want to just text the person out of the blue, initiate a quick conversation about a new movie or upcoming game you know your crush is interested in. Then text later, referencing your earlier conversation. Maybe something about how you heard you need to sit through the end credits of the movie to see a secret scene, or that one of the star players has to sit out the upcoming game due to an injury.
- If you tell your crush, "I'll text you tonight," make sure you follow-through! Your crush might write you off or feel hurt if you don't text when you say you will.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Keeping Things Going

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Ask open-ended questions. A response like "k" or even "haha" can stop a conversation in its tracks. You want to keep the conversation flowing, so ask questions that don't have yes or no answers. Ask about a recent event, or how that big math test went, or what he or she got up to over the weekend.^{[5]
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Cristina Morara
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
- Ask your crush for any movie, music, or book recommendations. Try, "I'm tired of all my music. What are you listening to?"
- If your crush plays a sport, ask about the most recent game.
- Talk about the things you have in common. If your crush has a hobby you are curious about, invite him or her to teach you more about it.
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Use emojis and emoticons--if you want to. Some people find emojis annoying, others will carry on entire conversations using only pictures. The benefit of using smiley- or winky-faces is that it can make the tone of your text clear. Sometimes it's hard to tell if someone is serious or joking around over text. A little winking face at the end of a teasing statement can let your crush know you're just messing.
- Use emojis if you like them, just try not to overdo it. A well-placed wink can be very flirtatious!
- Mix things up by sending funny pictures or animated gifs, too. If your crush says he or she is sleepy, send a gif of a cute puppy struggling to stay awake.
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Keep your texts light and not too long. Heavy subjects are usually better discussed in person or at least over the phone. While there's nothing wrong with getting into deep conversations with your crush, you might want to take the opportunity to suggest you continue the conversation over a slice of pizza. Say something like, "It's too much for me to type everything out... Do you want to meet up and get some ice cream and I can tell you the whole story?"
- Try not to send super long texts or respond to a single text with five or six messages. Try to get that balance so neither one of you is working harder at the conversation than the other.^{[6]
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Cher Gopman
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Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

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It's okay to use emojis here and there when texting. Try not to overuse them, as that'll come off as too eager. But a little bit of emoji use will show them that you're lighthearted and fun. You should also always try to move the conversation forward as you're texting. You don't want to stick to one topic for too long, as this can become boring for the other person. Finally, don't be afraid to send a photo of somewhere that you're located that reminds you of the person for whatever reason, or say a song just came on and reminded you of the person. If you show that interest and common ground and it'll make the other person excited as well.
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Tease your crush to set a fun, playful vibe. Gentle teasing is a classic flirting move. It's important he know you're not serious, so make sure you send a little smile or winky-face emoji to show that it's all in good fun.
- You can poke fun at his dirty, lucky hat he always wears, or how she never puts down her guitar.
- Or try, “Some friends are going bowling tomorrow night. Don’t come if you’re afraid of losing. To me.”
- Don't let the teasing turn mean, and don't let the fun, light tone keep you from steering things toward romance. Think about your ultimate goal – is it to hang out? Or just start a dialogue? If you want to eventually hang out with your crush, start steering the conversation in that direction.^{[7]
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- When your crush teases you back, try something like "Ooo, that hurt. You're going to have to buy me ice cream to make me feel better."^{[8]
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Don't send sexy pictures. It may be tempting, and your crush may beg and plead and make lots of promises about privacy (which might be completely true), but this is a risk you don't want to take right now.^{[9]
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- Think about if you and your crush have a falling out and you know that picture is still saved to his or her phone? What if the phone is stolen or the picture gets posted online or sent out? Is it really worth all the worry?^{[11]
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- Don't ever feel like you have to send a naked picture of yourself, just because your crush asked. If your crush cares about you and is worth your time, he or she won't pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable doing (or is a crime if you're under 18).

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Wrapping Things Up

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1
End the conversation on a strong note. You don't need to wait for the conversation to fizzle before saying goodbye. If you end the conversation on a high note, when things are still pretty lively, your crush will be anticipating your next interaction. Leave him or her with something to think about.
- Don't end things too abruptly if you can help it. Instead of "Gtg! Bye," let your crush know what you're up to. Something like, "I gotta run! Going to a concert with Elizabeth!"
- Tell your crush you're looking forward to picking up the conversation later.
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Don't keep texting if your crush stops responding. Maybe the conversation just died out naturally, or maybe you've sent your crush a few texts over the last week and gotten nothing back; whatever the reason, your crush has stopped responding to your texts. The last thing you want to do is send a million texts asking "Hello? Did you get my text?!"
- If it's something that is really bothering you, ask your crush what's going on when you see him or her in person.
- If you invite your crush to do something and there's no response, don't wait around. Make other plans, keep living your life, and maybe post a bunch of pictures on Facebook so your crush knows what he or she is missing!
3
Flirt with your crush in person, too. Flirting over text is a great way to get over your nervousness and start to get to know your crush better, but don't use it to try and build a meaningful relationship. Don't be super playful and flirty with your crush over text, then ignore him or her in person. It's confusing, and your crush might think you're just messing with him or her.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Cristina Morara
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
- If your crush is engaging you over text (giving you more than one word answers, initiating conversations), he or she is probably interested. Push your nervousness aside, be bold, and bring your flirtation into the physical world!
- If you don't see your crush in person (maybe you live in different cites or even countries), try to transition into a phone conversation. You can tackle more personal subjects and really start to get to know each other.

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Ways to Flirt with a Guy over Text

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Tips

Don't always talk about yourself because they probably want to talk about them for a bit! But, don't make it all about them, either.

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When a topic has run it's course try switching to a new one.

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Try to find things you have in common or make up an inside joke.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

If they don't reciprocate interest, don't take it personally. You'll find the right match. Stay positive, and keep putting yourself out there!
Give them an opening to talk too — don't dominate the conversation. Let them share likes and dislikes to find common ground.
Bring up topics you know they're interested in, like sports teams or hobbies. Showing you listen builds connection.
Have a funny story or observation ready as an icebreaker if you're nervous to approach them. This eases tension.
Show interest in getting to know them, but casually. Being aloof could push them away. Find a happy medium.
Drop subtle hints you're interested, like saying they were in a dream. But don't come on too strong.

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