1. Wink at your crush.
2. Like a picture of a dog on Instagram.
3. Text "Cool!" or "Great!" instead of "k."
4. Pluck that chin hair you always stroke thoughtfully throughout the day (don't worry, a new one will come along).
5. Do a good stretch.
6. Fart surreptitiously.
7. Flip your pillow to the cold side.
8. Take a deep breath (you'll only have time to inhale, exhale on your own time).
9. Look up from your phone.
10. Give yourself a hug.
11. Or a high-five.
12. Or BOTH AT THE SAME TIME.
13. Squeeze an avocado to make sure it's perfectly ripe.
14. Smell a book.
15. Do finger guns.
16. Take a one-second nap (known in some circles as "blinking").
17. Click "unsubscribe."
18. Click "not attending."
19. Click "mute."
20. Cup your boob (the good one).
21. Floss that one tooth.
22. Leave a penny for someone to find (heads up only).
23. Say your favorite word aloud and revel in how great it feels.
24. Put your ring on a different finger than usual.
25. Listen to the first second of a song you know inside and out and can identify from said first second.
26. Picture your very best friend.
27. Picture the best baby you ever saw.
28. Picture a butt.
29. Picture a pizza.
30. Smooth your eyebrows.
31. Masturbate extra.
32. Tear the page off your page-a-day calendar.
33. Look at how much time has passed since you started the calendar. (In a good way! You've come far.)
34. Say someone's name at the end of a sentence when you're talking to them; people like that.
35. Throw that thing away.
36. Sit up straight.
Thanks to Rachel Sanders, Rachel Miller, Julia Reinstein, and Christina Lan for their ridiculous and wonderful contributions.