Things Your Neopet Did That You Wish Your Real Pet Did

    Spoiler: basically everything, tbh.

    Andrea Hickey
    by Andrea Hickey

    BuzzFeed Staff

    1. Collected paintbrushes.

    Neopets

    This would be super helpful, because art supplies are kind of expensive.

    2. Found random objects all the time.

    Neopets

    I know what you may be thinking: depending on what kind of pet you have, they may already do this. However, if you have a dog, for example, I'm assuming the kind of items he's picking up are most likely worthless and also disgusting. If your dog found the kind of things your Neopet found, however, you'd likely be able to PROFIT from just being a pet owner. I mean, when you adopt a Neopet, you get money AND an inventory, for crying out loud. Need I say more? SMDH.

    3. Had its own tinier pet.

    Neopets

    For once, don't you just wish your pet could feel the same stress and sense of responsibility that YOU feel taking care of it?

    4. Went on quests.

    Basically another (albeit risky) way that your pet could potentially be earning you money, but isn't, which is a shame.

    5. Gambled.

    Neopets

    OK, I actually am glad my pet doesn't do this, but I'm honestly kind of conflicted because I just won 2,000 Neopoints after having an account again for like 10 minutes.

    No...NO. You know what? I'm glad my pet never lured me into literal hours of playing Dice-A-Roo. Real pets get this point. Although I'm actually not using any kind of point system for this post.

    6. Ran a shop.

    Neopets

    JUST ONE MORE WAY YOUR NEOPET ACTUALLY CONTRIBUTED TO THEIR ECONOMY...*gives the side eye to real pets.* Also, maybe this is just me, but when I played Neopets as a teen (or tween? Can't remember), I learned HTML for the first time because I wanted to have cool text effects in my shop's header. AS WELL AS including a MIDI version of the Cheers theme song. WHICH ISN'T RELEVANT but if there ever was a time or a place to mention that, this is it.

    Was your pet ever the reason you learned basic HTML? Didn't think so.

    7. Battled other pets.

    Uhh, alright, maybe not this one either.

    8. Shamelessly begged for money and food.

    Neopets

    Not only did your Neopet earn money in other ways, but there were also like a thousand places where they could find free things, from the Soup Kitchen, to the Giant Omelette, to the Tombola, to the Money Tree, to collecting interest on their BANK ACCOUNT (????). I don't see your deadbeat IRL pet going out and signing up for a bank account.

    9. Got you involved in pyramid schemes that were explicitly against the terms and conditions of owning said pet.

    Ugh, don't you wish your pet encouraged you to accept offers from other pet owners to buy items for way over their value in exchange for cheat codes and rare items, which you are totally willing to do because you're DESPERATE? So you do it, but you end up getting your account frozen? Wait, this is actually a hyper-specific situation and I'm not sure how to relate it to the real world at all. Forget this one.

    10. Had exact levels of hunger.

    Neopets

    Life would be so much easier if your pet would just TELL you when they were Very Bloated, Bloated, Full Up, Satiated, Fine, Not Hungry, Hungry, Very Hungry, Famished, Starving, and Dying. Don't you think?!

    11. Encouraged you to stay online for hours on end, which was OK, because by doing so, you were still spending time with your pet.

    Neopets

    I know my pet wants me to be happy, and for me, being happy means being online 24/7, but I just want my pet to explicitly tell me it's okay, you know? That's why Neopets is so great. You can still be online all the time, without showering or communicating with anyone, but still be with your pet. I think it's safe to say we all wish this were true for our real pets.

    So basically, maybe your IRL pet should take some cues from your Neopet and stop loafing around! Work for it, you moochers! JEESH.

    Neopets