I Tried Doing Disneyland For 24 Hours And This Is What Happened

First order of business was to get a Fastpass to Fantasmic, located near Big Thunder Mountain Railroad (this is what you're always supposed to do). Since we were already there, it was only logical that we make it the first ride on the list and get it out of the way.

Nothing like a high-speed roller coaster through an exploding cave to get your adrenaline going in the morning.

So, even though it was a cold, overcast morning, I looked over at Splash Mountain and noticed the wait time was FIVE MINUTES. So I hopped on what I consider a fabulous LSD-inspired re-creation of the South with lots of water and singing animals.

I will say, a couple of zip-a-dee-doo-dahs and a river plunge are indeed better than a cup of coffee.

Speaking of food...

Not gonna lie, a turkey leg at 7:13 a.m. was a bit too greasy for my taste.

I don't like Winnie the Pooh. In fact, I HATE WINNIE THE POOH (I can't explain it — he's always irritated me, even as a kid). But when you're at Disneyland, you love everyone. EVERYONE. It's like, a magic spell or something. This ride made me really happy.

While waiting in the portrait gallery (the "stretching room"), everybody knew the script by heart, as they were talking along with the narrator:

"Is this haunted room actually stretching? Or is it your imagination, hmm?"

As our Doom Buggy rode along the dining hall of the mansion, I spotted something interesting on the dining table...

Made out of a large plate and two little teacup plates.

By around 8:30 a.m., I was impressed that I'd gotten through five rides (four of which were extremely popular). So far, everything was going according to plan.

The universe was on my side and all was well... too well...

After getting Fastpasses for Star Tours, I came across my first big hurdle: Space Mountain, with a 55-minute wait. It had to happen at some point so this was no surprise. Aly and I tag-teamed it. I waited in line while Aly went to get us some coffee. After all, it was a 55-minute wait.

Apparently, the line for coffee was way longer than the one for Space Mountain. While Space Mountain was 55 minutes, the coffee line had a wait time of a little over an hour. That's right... coffee beat Space Mountain in terms of popularity.

And to top it off, Space Mountain broke down just as I was about to board the rocket ship.

Whatever. Space Mountain was still awesome.

While waiting in line for Star Tours, we found our SECOND HIDDEN MICKEY. It was shadow cast on a wall.

At this point, the balls of my feet were a little achy. But it was nothing I couldn't handle.

The wait time for Autopia was way longer than it had to be. At 11:35 a.m., this was the point when my optimism started waning. The car in front of us broke down, so we were sitting ducks out on the road for a bit.

I was getting hungry.

The coffee that Aly waited an hour to get was starting to wear off. I found myself daydreaming about a nice power nap while intergalactic mayhem was happening all around me.

No time for daydreaming. Had to keep moving. I was on a mission.

I kinda wanted a corn dog...

I've always hated corn dogs. I had a bad experience with them once in elementary school (long story). But these corn dogs were just...perfect. They were delicious and just what I needed.

I caught my second wind.

After stepping on two people's toes, I realized that Disneyland was just too crowded.

So, here was the new plan: Go to California Adventure, complete as many rides as possible, and return to Disneyland just in time for Fantasmic at 9 p.m. (we had Fastpasses to the show, so we practically had reservations). I thought after the fireworks display, around 10 p.m., the crowds would die down a little and wait times would go down as well.

This is a strategic decision that I would regret. More on that later.

It was sweet and crunch on the outside, and soft and warm on the inside. As an added bonus, there was no line for the churros.

Someone gave me a judgmental look, saying, "Are you really going on this ride? IT'S FOR KIDS, YOU FATASS!"

Whatever. I was a man on a mission.

I'm going on the record: Spinning rides are awesome. If it spins, it wins.

This was a slow ride, clearly for babies. That is until you get to the candy part, and you get a HUGE whiff of cotton candy. It was pleasant.

I kept hearing horror stories about the wait time on this ride. I kept hearing 75, 80, 90, even 100 minutes one time. People apparently go early to California Adventure just to get the Fastpass to this ride. As I approached the Radiator Springs, I noticed the Single Rider line. Wait time: 10 minutes. I looked over at Aly.

Aly: It's OK. We don't need to ride together.

Radiator Springs Racers was in the bag and I felt a huge weight fall off my shoulders.

This ride was terribly uncomfortable. Also, my feet were starting to hurt real bad.

Now I understand why Mr. Rogers switches shoes at the beginning of every episode. I got a much-needed boost of energy.

The new-shoes tactic wore off pretty quickly because my feet were really killing me. I sat whenever possible, even if was on the floor. The wait times were starting to take their toll on my body.

Must keep positive... must keep positive...

This ride broke down just as I was about to get on it. It turns out that one of the seat belts came loose, so that particular seat was decommissioned, but the ride was good to go. Props to that kid in blue for using the decommissioned seat in his photo op.

Also, I found TWO Hidden Mickeys.

Here, the little girl is holding a Mickey Mouse doll. AND THAT TOTALLY COUNTS.

This bell can be seen only in the video, NOT on the ride itself.

This ride takes you up and down. It's a kid's ride but it did provide a lovely view of the park.

Did you know that Neil Patrick Harris is the voice of California Screamin'? Once I knew that valuable piece of information, it eased my fear of roller coasters. NPH makes everything better.

The plan was for Aly and I to take a quick power nap at Mickey's Fun Wheel. But that was not meant to be. We talked to the people sitting across from us, who gave us some interesting news.

New Friends: Yeah, we heard they're no longer letting people into Disneyland.

Aly and I: WHAT?!

New Friends: I'm sorry. They're not letting in new people. Re-entries are OK.

Aly and I: PHEW!

When it comes to Disneyland, there aren't too many rides I dislike. Even the ones I dislike are still fun. Goofy's Sky School is by far THE WORST ride in the entire resort. It's a terrible ride, mainly due to the sharp and jerky turns that make you feel like your car is going to flip over and fall off the rails. It's the equivalent of someone scaring the bejesus out of you while you cautiously look over a cliff. It's not fun. Just...uncomfortably worrisome.

Also, my butt was pretty sore after this ride, since the car was VERY tight (especially for a dude my size).

Onward and upward...

I'm gonna say it: The Little Mermaid is overrated. But I could not deny the astonishing beauty of this ride. It's slow, but the handsome "underwater" presentation makes this ride well worth the wait.

My right calf cramped up real bad at the end of the ride and I jumped out before the cast member ordered me to. She gave me a dirty look.

The picture's angle is a little off, but TRUST ME: THIS IS A MICKEY.

The sun was setting on an overcast day, and temperatures were dropping. As Aly and I walked by Grizzly River Run, we stopped and looked at the wait time: FIVE MINUTES. We hesitated though, since it was getting REALLY cold. But we had no choice: It was now or never. I knew I would pay for this later on. But I had a mission to complete. So, I took one for the team.

I made it through the entire ride with only a couple drops of water here and there. Nothing too bad. That is until a giant geyser blew up directly behind me at the last second, completely soaking me. Somehow, this was a sign of things to come.

Next stop: Disneyland.

The line was too long, so Aly took this photo of me with Mickey CLEARLY photobombing my picture. So, this counts.

Disneyland was closed for the time being, due to overcapacity. I talked to a security guard and we had the following interaction:

Me: So when do you think it'll be open?

Security guard: You should try coming back around midnight, after the fireworks.

I was heartbroken. I would be missing out on Fantasmic, WHICH I HAD A FASTPASS TO. I would be missing the fireworks display, which I heard was special given it was Disneyland's 60th anniversary. I would also be losing valuable time that I needed to get through all the rides.

Aly: Well, we still have two rides to do in California Adventure, so why don't we just get them out of the way and come back at midnight?

So, we went back to California Adventure.

This ride is really cool and makes you appreciate the beauty of California. It also gave me a renewed sense of optimism. After going on this ride, I was motivated all over again.

Maybe this wasn't so bad after all.

Having missed Fantasmic, we had no choice but to settle on World of Color... and it was awesome. You can't help but feel like a kid all over again, watching with awe as the fountains shoot up in the air. At one point, a huge tower of fire shot up for the Star Wars portion of the show. It was beautiful.

This show alone is worth the visit to California Adventure.

...Sigh.

The trick to win every time is to NEVER STOP SHOOTING. Shoot fast, and shoot until your wrist hurts. It works.

Aly: If they're not going to open, then why don't we just leave?

Me: I can't quit.

Aly: But you're getting sick—

Me: I...just...can't...quit.

Yes, leaving would've been the best option. But... come on... after making it this far, I couldn't just drop everything and leave. I need to wait for a pig to fly.

Pinocchio was scary and a much-needed adrenaline boost. I had three and a half hours to get through the rest of the rides at Disneyland.

Holy crap! This ride is horrifying. Apparently, they had to tone down this ride at Disney World back in the early '90s because it was TOO scary (it's no longer there).

Everything was hurting but the adrenaline rush pushed me forward. GO! GO! GO!

This ride is really charming, but I was tempted to place my forehead on the window and fall asleep to the sounds of bubbles and talking fish.

My butt was too fat to fit in the seat, but I soldiered through the pain.

That's right. I ate a Dole Whip at 3:41 a.m. Even though I had a full-blown cold and a bit of a fever, I ate it AND I ATE IT ALL because I would risk my health for a Dole Whip.

Yes, it's that good.

So I took a picture with them and completed the "character photo" portion of the challenge.

Literally, zero wait time for this ride. That's a magical experience right there.

In this ride, you can control how much you spin around in the car. But my arms were too weary to do anything. So I just sat there...

Parts of the park were beginning to shut down. While most people find It's a Small World to be freakishly annoying, I found it rather soothing. It was just the hint of positivity that I needed to keep marching through.

As we exited the ride, Aly saw a Mickey Mouse-shaped lollipop.

Aly: You should get the lollipop and count that as your fifth food item!

Me: We'll get it later! WE NEED TO FINISH THE RIDES!

I should've listened to Aly...

You get to see tiny models on a river. That's about it.

I had less than an hour to complete the remaining rides. I quickly ran from ride to ride at this point, trying to get everything in.

As you can see in the background, the sun was starting to rise. And I was getting as mad as a hatter.

While this photo looks blurry, it actually describes my emotional state at the time. A combination of happy/hurt/sad/dark/sick/angry/amused/tired.

I almost fell asleep on the horse.

I was a big dude squished in a small cage, riding on a small train. It was a bit painful.

This ride is rather dark, even for adults. I love it.

While Aly and I were impressed that we managed to squeeze SEVEN rides in the last hour, we knew this would be the final ride.

...sigh.