20 Times Sia's "Elastic Heart" Video Made Me Feel (In My Pants)

    I am a horrible person.

    It started about a year ago.

    He wore those pink pants with a slight peen-print and I was like...

    ... "OK then!"

    And through suspect jorts...

    ... and shirts that were literally falling apart like the fuck?...

    ... I tried to tell myself no. "This is not normal." "We are not doing this." "This is highly problematic!!"

    And then it did.

    1. Fuck.

    2. Shit.

    3. Sweet Joan of Arc.

    4. We're doing this.

    5. We are really doing this.

    6. Dad?

    7. Dad!!!!

    8. Like I don't even care that he is one of those people who daintily picks their nose with a pinky.

    9. That doesn't bother me at all.

    10. Because this video made me believe.

    11. Believe in the systematic relationship of giving and receiving.

    12. Believe in the overarching themes of life and death.

    13. And most important, believe in the bottom side of Shia.

    14. Then you saw him with tiny baby legs over his shoulder which was a complete boner killer.

    15. But whatever.

    16. Rub your nipple on that metal birdcage.

    17. Slide on the floor and get dirty and shit. It's totally on brand.

    18. Stay on top of all of our gross sex lists.

    19. Here's to you, Shia Labeouf.

    20. You rock, never change!