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Bucky stayed. Rooted. As if the Earth decided to keep him. ....Maybe being shot would be a more accurate description.
She didn't move either, waiting for him.
Thank God for his discipline, he said to himself as he tried not to cry. The fire of his heart that now only held embers as fuel for dreams & heartbreak, roared back to life.
But, this is maybe why he stood. Because once, even one word left his mouth; this cycle would start all over again. & even though he would take it, craved & prayed for it... He couldn't.
Not again. ...Not to her. He started to walk away.
"[Don't you dare.]", her voice having that spark.
Everything he held back, pounding. His mouth stayed shut.
"You already made a decision that wasn't yours to make. ...You owe me."
"I did it for a re-"
"[No.]"
He could hear Steve in his head. Stop being an idiot. This is her choice.
But it can't be.
"You don't get to walk out. Not again, James."
Silence. "I did it to keep you safe.", quieter than pin.
"From Nobokov? Because even I know he isn't good enough to get out of SHIELD detainment, that's a crappy-"
"From me." He said. A bold & harsh underlying on that last word. Bucky turned, & it took everything he had not to take her in his arms.
I was a mess without you. Even Daisy agreed. I would've picked Earth in it's ending if I could've been with you.
"Natalia, he targeted me. Besides Steve, you're my only weakness, & he knew it. Hell, he saw it." The past taking it's toll.
I missed you. I just missed you so damn much.
"So just leave & make a decision to keep my memories with you in space?"
"I COULDN'T LET THEM PLAY WITH YOUR MIND!!" & there it was, a feeling of a million years & all it's angst finally coming out, the heat enough to rival a supernova. He leaned against the forgotten wallpaper adorned hallway. Bucky's voice grew quieter, crumpling, with any of the restraint left in him. "I couldn't..... Not to you." He slid down slowly, Natalia helping him.
I missed your touch. Her eyes were still flaming, but the fires had quieted in a substitution for quiet worry, an accompanying calm to help him get grounded. Just like on Brooklyn winter nights. He cussed again, wrong way.
She lowered her voice. "[That wasn't your decision to make, James. They were my memories.]"
His gaze was defeated, like he had just gone through all the Terra Cotta warriors ever melded, with nothing but a wooden putt. He stayed quiet for a while before he spoke. "I couldn't let that happen. Not again."
"Why do you have to be such a damn good man?", she said, straightening his hair. "& me, only me, gets to choose whether I want to be the only person who knows that."
James' eyes went back to hers, looking for other evidence that she really said that.
He began to lean in slowly, every second an eternity in the hopes that it would never leave. His lips touched hers, & it was like he saw the creation of a new universe, every comet before him, all in one instant. Speaking barely doing any justice. "[I missed you so much.]", he said softly.
"[I did too. & what I've learned is that I'm never leaving you with another decision like that again.]" She smirked.
He chuckled through his happiness. "...I promise."
She leaned in to kiss him again. "Good. Because I'm not forgetting it."
& that was that.
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Bucky didn't sleep that night, his hands running through her hair softly.
He watched the sun come up, driving out sleep like an unwanted visitor.
Drinking in her every scent again. The texture of her razor thin hair, her smooth skin. Afraid once he slept, this would all be part of the cruelest fever dream retribution his mind had ever given. & he knew he deserved it, were it true.
Were it true.
He shook sleep off again, slipping into the edge of an abyss he didn't want to test. But it isn't. She's here. Back in your arms. He stated out into the room. ...Still.
Natalia felt him, suddenly saying through the air conditioned silence, "James, go to bed. I'm not going anywhere."
He slid into the bed, wrapping in him, Natalia doing the same. & Thank God, he thought, closing his sleep deprived eyes.
Thank God.