How to Tell Your Parents You Smoke Marijuana

Co-authored by Jamie Corroon, ND, MPH

Last Updated: February 19, 2024 References

Openness with your family is important. If you want to inform your parents that you smoke marijuana you should consider several things first, like why you want to talk to them, why marijuana is important to you, and how they might respond. With a little thought and research, you can easily show them that weed, when used responsibly, is a safe and worthwhile leisure activity.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Preparing to Discuss

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1
Gauge your parent's acceptance of marijuana in general through leading questions. Whenever the subject comes up, do your parents comment on it, either positively or negatively? If you mention that a friend or acquaintance of yours smokes marijuana, how do they react? See if you can bring up the conversation organically and let your parents talk and think about their relationship with marijuana before you tell them you smoke. Some ideas include:
- "I heard that our state is considering marijuana legalization this year..."
- "It's crazy how accepted marijuana has become in just the past 5-10 years, right?"
- "Growing up, did you ever imagine people would be able to buy weed in a store?"^{[1]
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2
Consider why you smoke marijuana, and what benefits you get from it. The best policy is the truth, even if the truth is simply that you enjoy smoking marijuana. Most people use weed for a combination of two things – medicine and/or recreational inebriate. Know your own reasons for smoking to make communicating with your parents easier than simply saying "I like it." Some of the reasons to smoke include:
- It helps lower or lessen anxiety and stress.
- It stokes your creative side.^{[2]
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- It eases chronic aches, pains, and sores.^{[3]
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3
Look into your state's laws about cannabis usage. Do you live in a state with completely legal weed, medical marijuana only, or a complete ban on the substance? This is an important point to note when talking to your parents, as one of their primary concerns is almost always legality. Currently, 25 states and Washington D.C. have passed some form of legalization. [1] The states where marijuana is completely legal for all adults are:
- Alaska
- Arizona
- California
- Colorado
- Illinois
- Maine
- Massachusetts
- Michigan
- Montana
- Nevada
- New Jersey
- Oregon
- South Dakota
- Vermont
- Washington
- Washington D.C.^{[4]
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4
Understand if your state has decriminalized marijuana. Even if you don't live in a state with legal weed, you should still explain to your parents if the drug has been decriminalized. This means that, while police can stop you and seize your drugs, they can't throw you in jail unless you have a large amount on you, usually 2 ounces or more. All they can do is give you a fine. Many states, unable to completely pass medical or legal weed, turned to this measure to show that punishing marijuana smokers is not a major priority for police.
- A complete list of decriminalized states can be found here.
5
Ask yourself what you'd like to get out of this conversation. Knowing why you want to tell your parents will give you the courage to speak and help guide your words. Do you just want to open up to them, or do you want permission to smoke near them? Do you need help getting a medical card, or do you want to let them know your choices before you get caught awkwardly?
- What is compelling you to tell your parents? Whatever it is, you should let them know. No matter their response, letting them know that you felt it important to talk to them shows your trust and openness.
6
Wait to talk until a calm, quiet moment when everyone is in a decent mood. There is no sense trying to talk to them when tensions are high or people are busy. Be patient, and wait until a calm moment, like after dinner, when everyone is in a good mood and you can be sure of a reasonable, less-stressful conversation.
- Of course, you may not have the luxury of waiting if you get caught smoking. That said, you can also wait and re-introduce the topic several days later, after the anger has passed, if you still have more to say.
Every week, new studies and stances on marijuana are coming out, and almost all of them are positive. Current attitudes on marijuana are based on Schedule I drug classifications, which claim marijuana is just as dangerous as heroin and cocaine, and cannot even be researched. But international studies, as well as calls in the US to end the ridiculous Schedule I designation, are poking through the marijuana myths all the time. Before chatting, go online and see what news is new.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Talking to Your Parents

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1
Begin by letting them know you smoke, and then telling them why it is important to you. A good way to approach this is to not let it be a big, terrifying ordeal. Remember that, even if your parents don't agree yet, marijuana is completely legal in some states, has never caused an overdose, and is non-addictive. It doesn't have to be a big deal. So keep the conversation light from the opening lines onward to prevent them from thinking they should be worried:
- "I wanted to talk to you guys about something before you find out, and I know that I can trust you to listen."
- "This isn't a big deal, but I wanted to let you guys know that I smoke marijuana occasionally."
- "I know you guys trust me to make good decisions, and I just wanted to talk to you a bit about my decision to smoke marijuana.
2
Point out the demonstrably positive effects of marijuana as medicine. Did you know that the National Cancer Society promotes the fact that marijuana kills cancer cells?^{[5]
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Research source} Marijuana has been used to successfully treat insomnia, glaucoma, chronic pain, slow Alzheimer's, reduce and control seizures, and increase creativity.^{[6]
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Research source} Like most plants in the world, marijuana has surprising medical benefits we are only now discovering.
- Because marijuana research is relatively new, new studies are coming out all of the time. Google "marijuana studies" every now and then to get more concrete evidence for your discussion if needed.
3
Enlighten them about the surprising lack of long-term consequences. Marijuana has been maligned for years not because it is dangerous, but because it is misunderstood. However, new studies are showing that marijuana has very few negative side-effects, and no long-term health issues arise from chronic usage other than a slight disposition towards gum disease.^{[7]
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Research source} Be ready with these facts, and the articles to back them up to head off any worries of "health effects."
- There are almost no known cases of marijuana attributed deaths in the world and has no known effect on mortality rates.
4
Remind them that alcohol and tobacco are far more dangerous and dependent. If you take marijuana purely for recreational enjoyment, then it may seem more difficult to convince your parents that weed is okay. But, when compared to other "acceptable" leisure-time substances, like alcohol and tobacco, marijuana is far safer.^{[8]
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Research source} It is also non-addictive.
- There is no evidence that being high causes criminal behavior. But alcohol is a factor in 40% of all violent crimes in the United States.^{[9]
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- Whereas tobacco use significantly decreases lung capacity, marijuana has been shown to actually increase user's lung capacity.^{[10]
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5
Point to ways in which marijuana does not impede your life or success. Many parents worry that weed will make their child lazy, dependent, and dull. But studies and anecdotal evidence from Steve Jobs to Willy Nelson shows this to be blatantly untrue. If you're doing okay in school, can hold down a job, and feel happy and healthy, point out that marijuana has never stopped you from being successful. Remind them that, like a drink after work, marijuana is simply a recreational activity that you enjoy.
- A common misconception is that using marijuana leads to intoxication and impairment. In reality, the effects of THC (the principal psychoactive ingredient in marijuana) depend on the dose. A therapeutic effect can be achieved using a dose low enough to avoid intoxication.
According to Scientific American, only 9% of users exhibit signs of cannabis dependency, and very, very few of them are "addicted."^{[11]
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Research source} Remind your parents that you like to smoke because it helps you relax or feel better, not because you're hooked. This is an important distinction, and one that shows that you've thought about the potential risks and issues thoughtfully.
7
Illustrate the marijuana isn't just about smoking joints anymore. Many parents are clueless of the new, scientific, and exciting ways in which marijuana is grown and enjoyed. From candy bars to pocket-sized vaporizers, the red-eyed, coughing stoner is slowly fading into the background. Furthermore, advances in marijuana technology have led to demonstrable good, making the scene much less dangerous and intimidating:
- Greater control over strains leads to specific, medical uses of weed and more precise highs which can target specific maladies, such as the famous Charlotte's Web strain that fights childhood seizures.^{[12]
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- Most people who use medical marijuana enjoy products that are taken orally, like gummies, tablets, and tinctures.
- Increase revenue from marijuana acceptance brings in billions of tax dollars that previously only benefited drug traffickers.^{[13]
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8
Let them ask questions, speak, and get their opinions out. Don't try to talk over your parents, or feel like you need a perfectly written speech in order to succeed. Instead, try to have a pleasant conversation, taking the time to quietly, politely listen to their side of things. Don't cut them off, even if you have a good point to make. This conversation is as much about building trust and honesty with your parents as saying the "right" things.
- Ask them if they ever smoked marijuana. If so, why did they smoke? Why did they stop?
- If they want to know what, why, or how you smoke, be honest. If they feel like you're hiding something, they feel like there is some dark secret that they don't know.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Dealing with the Aftermath

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1
Understand that total acceptance will take some time. At the very least, you need to give your parents some time to see you in a new light. Now that they know you smoke marijuana, they may spend a few days looking at you differently, trying to determine if you're high at the moment. Just keep being your normal, kind self and this will pass when they realize that, in reality, nothing has changed except their knowledge of the situation.
- Most parents think marijuana is still a big deal, and dangerous. It will take some time to realize that this isn't the case.
2
Don't let marijuana take over your life, no matter what their response. Since marijuana is rarely habit-forming, this shouldn't be difficult. That said, marijuana is an easy scapegoat if you aren't showing up at work, neglecting to do your homework, or spending all of your money on good bud. Your parents love and care about you, and want to see you succeed. If they believe (whether rightly or wrongly) that marijuana is hurting your future, then you'll face much stiffer resistance in the future.
- Even if you parents are okay with smoking, you don't need to flaunt it or do it first thing every day. They will appreciate if you don't always smell like weed.
- Show them that you can be productive while high, either by doing chores, cooking, working on a hobby, or exercising. Don't be a couch potato and they have no reason to get mad.^{[14]
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If you parents aren't taking the conversation well, resist the urge to go into attack mode. This will only make it more likely for them to escalate as well, leading to unforeseen consequences and high tensions around the dinner table. If they don't seem receptive, remind them that this is not a choice you've made lightly, and you've done your research. By turning things repeatedly back to facts and data you can prevent an unwinnable argument over opinions.

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Tips

If you're really worried, start with a "soft ask." Instead of saying "I smoke marijuana," ask if your parents ever did first, or just ask what they think of the drug. You can then go from there based on their response.

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Warnings

Not all parents will take this news well, and some stricter parents may become angry. You need to balance your desire to tell them against the risk of a bad response when deciding to talk about marijuana.

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