14 Reasons Women Should Never Lift Weights

The afterburn effect (or, if you're a scientist, "prolonged elevations of postexercise metabolic rate") means increased metabolism after certain kinds of exercise, like resistance workouts. So, obviously, stay away, because WHAT A DRAG.

Extra fat in the ol' belly area means bad things for cardiovascular health. Aaaand some of us are belly-concerned for aesthetic reasons. Either way weight training means a healthier waist circumference. But, again, no one's really worried about all that.

Everyone prefers to struggle through their bummer feelings about themselves, right?

For improved pain and quality of life, back pain sufferers should consider weightlifting. If, for some reason, they want relief from their chronic pain, that is.

Weight training helps stabilize body fat, prevent weight gain, and preserve lean mass over the long term. Ugh, gross.

Not a damn thing, that's what. Lifting weights till the point of failure means you're building muscle, which means you're getting stronger. The horror!

Strength training makes people more physically active in their daily lives, which means less time spent sedentary, which can contribute to a longer life. YAWN.

Why burn fat efficiently and effectively when you can spend hours on the treadmill?

Weight-bearing exercise (think: lifting) prevents osteoporosis, which causes the bones to lose density, weaken, and become super susceptible to breaks and fractures. Then again, they do make pretty cool casts nowadays.

So, don't bother lifting weights, because doing so improves women's self-esteem and overall emotional wellbeing. And who needs that?

Do NOT get involved with strength training; it improves flexibility, which is just an all-around nope.

I mean, if they were, mixing longer cardio workouts and strength training sessions would be a great idea because that results in better aerobic conditioning and endurance. But, again, not priorities for anyone, don't waste your time.

Lifting heavier and heavier weights over time will result in feeling strong, powerful, and ass-kickingly rad. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.