How to Make Friends With People After Attempting Suicide

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: October 11, 2022 References

After attempting suicide, many people try to get back on track with their life and reconnect with their relationships. Feeling disconnected or alone during this time can lead to increases in suicidal thinking.^{[1]
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Research source} So, it is extra important to have social support and friends after a suicide attempt. However, making new friends or starting relationships may be difficult if you have attempted suicide, and even more so if people know that you have. Luckily, you can successfully increase your social support after a suicide attempt by: connecting with others, creating new friendships, increasing your social awareness and changing your outlook.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Connecting With Others

1
Start fresh. Social support is crucial to coping with suicidal thoughts.^{[2]
X
Research source
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3066301/} This is because not having social support can result in depression and increased thoughts of suicide.^{[3]
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Research source} However, after a suicide attempt you may need to regain some of the trust you had with your friends and family. These relationships may need some time to heal. Try your best to increase closeness and support with these individuals before you try to make new friends.
- Look at your life as a fresh start. You have been blessed with surviving your suicide attempt.
- Avoid thinking that you necessarily have to switch schools or jobs in order to avoid feeling different or judged (unless you are being bullied).
- If you are in an abusive relationship, seek help. Staying in an abusive relationship will only take a greater physical and emotional toll on you.^{[4]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  
  Mayo Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  
  Go to source}
2
Express your feelings with others. Individuals who have attempted suicide often face difficult feelings (sadness, anger, fear). Expressing these feelings can help make them less severe over time.
- Talk to people who you feel can listen to you without judgment and see the good in you.^{[5]
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  Research source}
- Let your emotions out. You can do this by crying when sad or boxing (in a safe environment) when angry. Crying with others, if you feel comfortable, can also be a healing experience.
- Writing your feelings down is a good way to process them. Then you can read your thoughts and feelings to someone you trust if you feel comfortable.
3
Get extra support. Go see a therapist or a counselor, especially if you have continued depression or thoughts of harming yourself. They can help you get your life back in order, and may even offer you extra tips on how to make friends.
- Pinpoint the reason why you attempted suicide. Work with a psychiatrist/counselor to accept what happened and change your perspective on that item as opposed to trying to work on it by yourself. Attempting suicide indicates some very serious underlying issues that don't resolve themselves or go away. The most productive thing you can do for yourself is to go to therapy sessions until you feel you're able to cope and move past your suicidal thoughts and feelings.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Creating Friendships with New People

1
Pick people that you like and want to befriend. Be specific and strategic about your friend choices. You want to pick people who are friendly, loyal, understanding, and caring. It is important that you seek positive company during this time instead of people who may bring you down, as toxic friends are detrimental to health and could definitely worsen the suicidal thoughts. ^{[6]
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Research source}
- Remember that the quality of friends is much more important than quantity. It's better to have one to three good friends that you can talk to and trust, rather than 20 acquaintances that you don't know too well or even 30 toxic friends.
2
Start a conversation. If you have found someone you’d like to be friends with, simply start talking to that person.
- Approach the person when she is alone, not in a large group, if you can. This ensures that you can have a one-on-one conversation.
- If you have never met this person before, you can introduce yourself with a smile. Say, “Hi there! I’m ____. What’s your name?”
- You can try using an icebreaker by asking questions about current events, movies, television shows, or books. You could say, “Have you seen that new movie?”
- Try to find something in common that you can talk about. Some example are classes or duties you share,
- If you feel nervous, take deep breaths. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Think positive thoughts like, “I can do this. It may seem scary but it’s just talking to another person.”
3
Deal with a missed connection. Sometimes when we try to be friends with others it doesn’t quite turn out how we wanted it to. Know that this is a normal occurrence. Everyone deals with rejection often in their lives. The person you initiated a conversation with might not be a good match for you, so it's best just to move onto the next person until you do find a person that will be a good match for you.
- Remember that you're not going to get along with everyone you meet. For reasons out of your control, people that you try to befriend may not reciprocate, and that’s okay! Try to learn from the experience and move on. Know that it is probably better this way and that it wasn’t meant to be. You want friends that are going to be friendly and accepting of you.
4
Cultivate a connection. Now that you have introduced yourself and established a conversation with the person you want to be friends with you will need to continue these interactions. Start to build a relationship with your new friend.
- Be nice to your new friend, talk to him or her, and keep the secrets that he or she shares with you. If he or she is having problems, listen to him or her without judgment.
- Invite your new friend to hang out. Some ideas are playing video games, going to the mall, or going to a sports game.
5
Be as open as you feel comfortable when talking about the attempt. If the person knows that you've attempted suicide, you can be honest about the situation if you feel comfortable.^{[7]
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Research source} Make sure first that you have developed enough trust with this person.
- If anyone asks you, "Why did you do it?" you can tell them that you were depressed (or however you were feeling), and you felt that there was no other way out, but you're okay now. You could say something like, "I tried it because I was very sad and hopeless at the time. But, I am better now and I'm learning how to cope with those feelings. I learned a lesson and I do not want to try to harm myself again." This will let them know you are trying to live positively again, and are not currently thinking about harming yourself.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Changing Your Outlook

1
Build your self-esteem. If you have high self-esteem this may help people see you as a more positive person, which may make it easier for you to make friends and meet new people. Having low self-esteem may result in people thinking of you as somewhat hostile. This can result in social avoidance.
- Make a list of things you like about yourself. Review this list every day to up your self-esteem.
- Love yourself and remind yourself you have people who care about you.
- Think of yourself as a survivor rather than a victim. You survived a suicide attempt and are looking to better your life.
Individuals who have survived suicide attempts sometimes feel trapped in their lives.^{[8]
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Research source} They may feel controlled by family, teachers, or therapists. Regaining a sense of control can help instill hope and optimism, which can make it easier to connect with others and make new friends.^{[9]
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Research source}
3
Cope positively with emotions. Many people who attempt suicide are left with many different and difficult emotions such as: nervousness, anger, loneliness, shame, sadness, and despair. Sometimes these emotions can lead you to want to avoid other people or limit your social contact. On the other hand, if you are able to cope healthfully with these negative emotions you can increase your ability to positively connect with others.
- Engage in positive coping strategies such as: writing in a journal, meditating, practicing mindfulness, playing music, painting, drawing, reading, talking to a family member, or getting therapy. Explore new activities that you may not have thought of yet. Research new activities online or ask your new friend for ideas.
- Exercise is a powerful coping technique. Try fun ways to get you moving such as: biking, hiking, rollerblading, skateboarding, swimming, running, dancing, yoga, or aerobics.
- Avoid engaging in risky behaviors to cope. Using alcohol or other drugs can increase your risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors.^{[10]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  
  PubMed Central
  Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
  
  Go to source}
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Increasing Your Social Awareness

1
Understand your effect on others. People, especially close individuals, may feel frustrated, sad, or helpless after your suicide attempt. Understand that these are normal feelings and reactions when people attempt suicide. In terms of making friends it is important that you understand this because in order to keep friends you want to be aware of how your actions may affect the other person.
- Remember that your family and friends care about you and want you to live and be happy. Consider how your suicide will affect them, and trust them to help you when you need a hand.
- You can minimize the negative impact by listening and understanding their position.
- Avoid the negative thought that you are a burden on others. Tell yourself, “I am worthy of love and help. My life matters. Others are trying to help.”
2
Acknowledge the positive responses from others. After a suicide attempt, some individuals find an increased understanding of the love and support that they already have from their family and friends.^{[11]
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Research source} Some common reactions to a suicide attempt include: sympathy, concern, compassion, and attention.
- Instead of immediately jumping into making a bunch of new friends, try cultivating the friendships and relationships with family members that you already have. It is very important that you have a strong support network at this time.
3
Recognize the stigma of suicide. Part of why it may be difficult to make new friends after a suicide attempt is the stigma, or negative stereotypes, associated with suicide.^{[12]
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Research source} For example, people may think that individual who attempt suicide are fragile, moody, or dangerous.
- One way you can cope with being stigmatized is to educate others when they ask you about it. Many times when people attempt suicide they do not really want to die, but are going through a very difficult emotional time where they feel hopeless and that there is no other option.
- Some people (especially with teenagers) may discriminate or bully you. Ignore these people; they may be troubled themselves and pick on people to feel better. Describing your situation to a trusted teacher, a principal, or a parent may help you with ending the bullying.
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Warnings

If you are currently having thoughts of suicide, please call a suicide support line such as 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255), your local emergency number (911), text-based support lines like Crisis Chat, or go to your local emergency room.

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