They all talk about the exhaustion and emotions.
But none talks about how fast they grow up.
All of a sudden, they've all grown up. You are no longer their best friend, they suddenly have other friends too. You are no longer their smart mother or sister, they know things and they could do it on their own now. You are no longer needed and that's a bitter pill to swallow.
They all grow up and leave to college. The silence is maddening. Once, your house felt like Christmas every day. You cook and clean every day. You bake on the weekends and wash the tub. Every month you clean the ceiling fan and th
They all talk about the exhaustion and emotions.
But none talks about how fast they grow up.
All of a sudden, they've all grown up. You are no longer their best friend, they suddenly have other friends too. You are no longer their smart mother or sister, they know things and they could do it on their own now. You are no longer needed and that's a bitter pill to swallow.
They all grow up and leave to college. The silence is maddening. Once, your house felt like Christmas every day. You cook and clean every day. You bake on the weekends and wash the tub. Every month you clean the ceiling fan and the attic. But now, you do it once a year. You had kids running around your house. Now, kids run around your house during the festivals marked on calendars as public holidays.
You could never go out without packing a big bag of diapers, extra pieces of toddlers clothing and pacifier, milk bottles and powders. You carry some snack too. Now, you are too free. You've got all the time in the world and you've got no idea what to do with it.
You miss them. You miss their innocent laughter and running around. You'd trade your entire inheritance for those runny noses and supermarket tantrums. You stay awake at nights wishing you had a baby to nurse. You miss their smell of milk and pee. Their soft hand and sloppy kisses.
It takes great strength to raise kids. It takes even greater strength to graciously let them go when the time comes.
Edit : Dear all, thank you so much for the heartfelt comments.
I wrote this from the view points of a big sister. I remember one day, coming back from school, there was a little helpless human being wrapped in a towel in the hall. It looked very cute and they said it's my sister. In the next few years, another 3 arrived in the same manner.
They were all the same. They were once little bundle of joy wrapped in towel. Then suddenly they sprouted hands and legs and started talking. They watched ridiculous cartoons and would bawl on the floor. And did I chose to have them ? Nope, but somehow it was also a part of my responsibility to make sure they stay alive and not crying.
Despite my poor job of caring them, they loved me very much. My sister admired me and thought I have a very good fashion sense. Her dress and way of hair followed mine. My brothers thought I was the smartest in the neighborhood. They'd exaggerate my grades and brag about it to their friends. LOL.
They'd fight to sit next to me in the bus or theater, and would coax, compel and beg my companionship just for the trip to the nearby supermarket. Heck, they'd even sulk if I did not watch tv with them. They'd feel cheated and would complain the next day if I slip unnoticed in the middle of the movie. "You are a liar, you slept halfway through the movie !" . LOL. My presence made so much of difference.
All of sudden, it hit me like a wave crashing on the sea. My sister and a brother have left for college. They have Facebook accounts and use Whatsapp. Yeah, I know. One of them has a girlfriend now. Woah. They all have cool best friends, and if I am lucky, they'd remember to bring a souvenir or two from their trips with their "cool" friends.
Children, they all grow up so fast. I promise myself, when I have a little girl one day, and if she demands I stop vacuuming the carpet to play cards with her, I'll switch off the damn vacuum and play cards with her.
How Scary It Is
It feels like when you’re a parent that your children keep upping the level of danger they’re exposed to as they age. When they’re tiny, you always have them with you, or they’re with trusted caregivers, so you don’t worry as much.
When they’re 13 and want to go shopping with a group of friends, you worry.
When they’re 17 and are attending parties where you suspect, or know, there are alcohol and/or drugs, you worry.
When they’re 22 and flying off to another country on a holiday with a girlfriend/boyfriend, you worry.
When they’re any age, and get into a car — whether driving or not
How Scary It Is
It feels like when you’re a parent that your children keep upping the level of danger they’re exposed to as they age. When they’re tiny, you always have them with you, or they’re with trusted caregivers, so you don’t worry as much.
When they’re 13 and want to go shopping with a group of friends, you worry.
When they’re 17 and are attending parties where you suspect, or know, there are alcohol and/or drugs, you worry.
When they’re 22 and flying off to another country on a holiday with a girlfriend/boyfriend, you worry.
When they’re any age, and get into a car — whether driving or not, you worry.
It has zero to do with trust, and everything to do with risk. The risks are probably low, but the possible outcomes are catastrophic. Surely nothing in life is worse than losing a child, and, as a parent, you face that risk (at least on some level) every time they step out the front door.
How Dull It Can Be
I love my kids, but I suffer a LOT of dull stuff on their behalf.
I’ve sat in countless doctor’s waiting rooms, hospital waiting rooms, clinic waiting rooms, etc, for hours on end.
I’ve sat by bedsides and mopped fevered brows, soothed cranky tempers and tried to entertain sick children.
I’ve coddled babies and small people on long international flights, planning ahead many items and activities to try to ease the boredom of the long journeys. I’ve forgone entertainment for myself to try to focus on them.
I’ve left my dinner cooling on the table in countless restaurants to take cranky children outside in order to minimise the impact they have on other diners, who just want to eat in peace. (Wish everyone did this!) My husband and I diligently did this and swapped off to allow each other to eat.
I’ve stood in (often long) queues at banks, shops, McDonald’s and other assorted places to get things for them, when none of this was for myself.
I’ve listened politely through long discussions of Pokémon, Anime, Bob’s Burgers, Rick & Morty, etc — all things I have minimal, and limited, interest in.
How Painful It Can Be
It hurts unbelievably when your kid says “I hate you!” to your face.
It hurts when they prefer the other parent over you. (for whatever reason, even if it’s only that you’ve been there all day, and Daddy just got home.)
It hurts when your children don’t want to do things with you, like having lunches or dinners, taking a drive or just talking when you’d like to.
It hurts when you can see your kid is upset and you ask them what’s wrong only to be told “NOTHING! Leave me alone!”
It hurts when you find out they’ve been in a relationship you knew nothing about until it was over.
It hurts when anything important happens and they didn’t want to tell you.
It hurts (at least a bit) when they want to move out.
How Difficult It Is
Kids come with no instruction manual. No matter how much you read or learn or think about what to say or do, you will screw it up, at least sometimes. That feels awful.
And you’re constantly having to ‘wing it’, because they throw stuff at you on the fly that isn’t in the books or forums and you have to make a decision NOW.
It’s hard when you feel your kid is making a mistake — not studying enough, choosing the wrong boyfriend or girlfriend (especially someone that you think will hurt them), not saving any of their money, taking unnecessary risks, etc. You can’t always express your opinion because it’s THEIR lives and many decisions are rightfully theirs to make, and these provide opportunities to learn and grow. But you hate to see them hurt just because they couldn’t see it coming.
In Conclusion…
Parenting is a tough gig. It’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, especially if you do it well, but it’s infinitely rewarding. My children are fantastic people! I genuinely love and respect them and enjoy their company.
And I like to think I had some part in that. :-)
Where do I start?
I’m a huge financial nerd, and have spent an embarrassing amount of time talking to people about their money habits.
Here are the biggest mistakes people are making and how to fix them:
Not having a separate high interest savings account
Having a separate account allows you to see the results of all your hard work and keep your money separate so you're less tempted to spend it.
Plus with rates above 5.00%, the interest you can earn compared to most banks really adds up.
Here is a list of the top savings accounts available today. Deposit $5 before moving on because this is one of th
Where do I start?
I’m a huge financial nerd, and have spent an embarrassing amount of time talking to people about their money habits.
Here are the biggest mistakes people are making and how to fix them:
Not having a separate high interest savings account
Having a separate account allows you to see the results of all your hard work and keep your money separate so you're less tempted to spend it.
Plus with rates above 5.00%, the interest you can earn compared to most banks really adds up.
Here is a list of the top savings accounts available today. Deposit $5 before moving on because this is one of the biggest mistakes and easiest ones to fix.
Overpaying on car insurance
You’ve heard it a million times before, but the average American family still overspends by $417/year on car insurance.
If you’ve been with the same insurer for years, chances are you are one of them.
Pull up Coverage.com, a free site that will compare prices for you, answer the questions on the page, and it will show you how much you could be saving.
That’s it. You’ll likely be saving a bunch of money. Here’s a link to give it a try.
Consistently being in debt
If you’ve got $10K+ in debt (credit cards…medical bills…anything really) you could use a debt relief program and potentially reduce by over 20%.
Here’s how to see if you qualify:
Head over to this Debt Relief comparison website here, then simply answer the questions to see if you qualify.
It’s as simple as that. You’ll likely end up paying less than you owed before and you could be debt free in as little as 2 years.
Missing out on free money to invest
It’s no secret that millionaires love investing, but for the rest of us, it can seem out of reach.
Times have changed. There are a number of investing platforms that will give you a bonus to open an account and get started. All you have to do is open the account and invest at least $25, and you could get up to $1000 in bonus.
Pretty sweet deal right? Here is a link to some of the best options.
Having bad credit
A low credit score can come back to bite you in so many ways in the future.
From that next rental application to getting approved for any type of loan or credit card, if you have a bad history with credit, the good news is you can fix it.
Head over to BankRate.com and answer a few questions to see if you qualify. It only takes a few minutes and could save you from a major upset down the line.
How to get started
Hope this helps! Here are the links to get started:
Have a separate savings account
Stop overpaying for car insurance
Finally get out of debt
Start investing with a free bonus
Fix your credit
> "What is it that nobody tells you about having children?"
The Lethality of Sarcasm.
There comes a point in the life of every parent that your child will say something that is the perfect set-up for a sarcastic remark. And I'm here to tell you - don't do it. You might accidentally hurt, harm or even kill your child. Children don't respond well to sarcasm. They either look at you as if you have th
> "What is it that nobody tells you about having children?"
The Lethality of Sarcasm.
There comes a point in the life of every parent that your child will say something that is the perfect set-up for a sarcastic remark. And I'm here to tell you - don't do it. You might accidentally hurt, harm or even kill your child. Children don't respond well to sarcasm. They either look at you as if you have the wrong toys in the attic, or they will take your sarcasm at face value.
For instance, my four-year-old daughter asked me why I wasn't a king. I told her I made some bad career choices when I was younger. She said, 'If you were a king, I'd be a princess.'
'Yes,' I said, 'you'd be a princess, now you're my princess, which is enough.'
She frowned and said, 'You don't get it, do you? I'd rule the world.'
'You'd make a great dictator,' I said.
Little did I know that she'd remember this when one week later the morning conversation at school turned to 'what do you want to be when you grow up'? and my daughter said, 'My father thinks I'd make a great dictator'.
...
As a counselor/therapist of many years, one of the things that I OBSERVED when working with parents is this:
From the time a child is born until s/he leaves the nest, many (if not most) parents tend to OVER-INVEST in the child, as they UNDER-INVEST in the marriage. When the child leaves the nest, the marriage partners often face huge adjustment problems. One problem revolves around missing the child, worrying about them, etc. But a major problem involves returning to the marriage relationship, which by that time, has often all-but-died. The partners often don't even realize that they have put t
As a counselor/therapist of many years, one of the things that I OBSERVED when working with parents is this:
From the time a child is born until s/he leaves the nest, many (if not most) parents tend to OVER-INVEST in the child, as they UNDER-INVEST in the marriage. When the child leaves the nest, the marriage partners often face huge adjustment problems. One problem revolves around missing the child, worrying about them, etc. But a major problem involves returning to the marriage relationship, which by that time, has often all-but-died. The partners often don't even realize that they have put the children first, when it should be the other way around. At the beginning of the marriage, they focused all of their attention upon each other. But the focus changed when children came along. They often lose sight of their original reason for getting married in the first place...to love, protect, and cherish each other. But when the children leave the nest, they either find their way back and re-capture their original intent of loving and caring for each other OR they dissolve the marriage OR they just continue living together because it's convenient.
The wisest partners figure it all out from the beginning, but many just do not. They just live "in the box", never thinking "outside the box".
I once heard a wise remark that went like this....."The best thing a father can do for his children is TO LOVE THEIR MOTHER." I think that says it all.
***PLEASE SEE MY REPLY TO A COMMENT MADE BELOW. IT’S VERY RELEVANT TO THIS TOPIC. THANKS…
Having children is a life-changing experience, and while many aspects are discussed, several things often go unmentioned or are understated. Here are some insights that might surprise you:
- The Emotional Rollercoaster: Parenting is filled with intense emotions—joy, frustration, love, and anxiety. The highs can be incredibly uplifting, while the lows can be unexpectedly challenging.
- Sleep Deprivation is Real: The impact of sleep deprivation is profound and can affect your mental and physical health. Newborns have unpredictable sleep patterns, and it can take time to adjust.
- Your Relationship Will C
Having children is a life-changing experience, and while many aspects are discussed, several things often go unmentioned or are understated. Here are some insights that might surprise you:
- The Emotional Rollercoaster: Parenting is filled with intense emotions—joy, frustration, love, and anxiety. The highs can be incredibly uplifting, while the lows can be unexpectedly challenging.
- Sleep Deprivation is Real: The impact of sleep deprivation is profound and can affect your mental and physical health. Newborns have unpredictable sleep patterns, and it can take time to adjust.
- Your Relationship Will Change: The dynamics of your relationship with your partner may shift. You’ll need to navigate shared responsibilities, which can lead to stress but also deeper bonding.
- The Pressure of Parenting Choices: There are countless opinions on parenting styles, education, and healthcare. It can be overwhelming to sift through advice and determine what feels right for your family.
- Time Disappears: Children grow quickly, and the years can pass in what feels like a blink. Balancing time for yourself, your partner, and your children can be challenging.
- Self-Identity Shift: Many parents experience a shift in their identity. You may find yourself re-evaluating personal goals and aspirations, and it can take time to find a new balance.
- Financial Strain: Raising children can be expensive. Costs can add up quickly, from diapers to education, and budgeting becomes crucial.
- Community and Support: The importance of a support network often becomes clear. Surrounding yourself with other parents can provide emotional support and practical help.
- Unpredictability: No matter how much you plan, children can be unpredictable. Flexibility and adaptability become essential skills.
- The Rewards are Profound: Despite the challenges, many find that the joy and love that come from raising children are deeply fulfilling and worth the effort.
These insights can help set realistic expectations and prepare for the unique journey of parenthood.
1. Overlook how much you can save when shopping online
Many people overpay when shopping online simply because price-checking across sites is time-consuming. Here is a free browser extension that can help you save money by automatically finding the better deals.
- Auto-apply coupon codes – This friendly browser add-on instantly applies any available valid coupon codes at checkout, helping you find better discounts without searching for codes.
- Compare prices across stores – If a better deal is found, it alerts you before you spend more than necessary.
Capital One Shopping users saved over $800 millio
1. Overlook how much you can save when shopping online
Many people overpay when shopping online simply because price-checking across sites is time-consuming. Here is a free browser extension that can help you save money by automatically finding the better deals.
- Auto-apply coupon codes – This friendly browser add-on instantly applies any available valid coupon codes at checkout, helping you find better discounts without searching for codes.
- Compare prices across stores – If a better deal is found, it alerts you before you spend more than necessary.
Capital One Shopping users saved over $800 million in the past year, check out here if you are interested.
Disclosure: Capital One Shopping compensates us when you get the browser extension through our links.
2. Overpaying on Auto Insurance
Most people are overpaying for car insurance—by an average of $400/year .
I thought I had a good rate until I checked and found a much cheaper option in less than a minute.
Just answer a few quick questions, and you’ll instantly see quotes from top providers. Might be worth checking.
3. Not Investing in Real Estate (Starting at Just $20)
With innovative platforms like Ark7, you can invest in rental properties for as little as $20 per share.
- Hassle-free management – Ark7 handles everything from property management to rent collection for you.
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4. Wasting Time on Unproductive Habits
I usually use this site. You basically just get paid to give your opinions on different products/services, etc. Perfect for multitasking while watching TV!
- Earn $100+ monthly – Complete just three surveys a day to reach $100 per month, or four or more to boost your earnings to $130.
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5. Overspending on Mortgages
Overpaying on your mortgage can cost you, but securing the best rate is easy with this Mortgage Comparison Tool.
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6. Missing Out on Smart Investing
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- Compare investments – Explore stocks, ETFs, bonds, and more to build a diversified portfolio.
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7. Ignoring Home Equity
Bankrate’s Best Home Equity Options helps you find the right loan for renovations, debt consolidation, or unexpected expenses.
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When I was pregnant other mothers would say to me "oh wait till you have your baby in your arms you'll know what real love is". Well I had twins naturally.
My son came first and was placed on my belly screaming his head off. My first thought HOLY SHIT! Then the doctor put his hand up me to feel for the 2nd twin. Took a while but my daughter eventually popped out. Silent, so taken straight to nurse for oxygen and a belly rub. She wasn't placed on me. 15mins later I had them both wrapped up in my arms. My second thought. HOLY SHIT! how the hell am I gonna deal with this. No surge of love at al
When I was pregnant other mothers would say to me "oh wait till you have your baby in your arms you'll know what real love is". Well I had twins naturally.
My son came first and was placed on my belly screaming his head off. My first thought HOLY SHIT! Then the doctor put his hand up me to feel for the 2nd twin. Took a while but my daughter eventually popped out. Silent, so taken straight to nurse for oxygen and a belly rub. She wasn't placed on me. 15mins later I had them both wrapped up in my arms. My second thought. HOLY SHIT! how the hell am I gonna deal with this. No surge of love at all. Thought there was something wrong with me. I will admit is was a good few weeks before I started to feel any love for them.
I think some parents won't admit to this, think they have to fall in love with their baby straight away. But. It's overwhelming. My twins are nearly 12 now and I love em to death :)
People tell you but you don't believe it: how much you will love your children. Nobody can convince you that a new person, a complete stranger, one who didn't even exist just a year earlier, will trigger this sort of love. You may have searched years for a person you could marry, but now one is just given to you (well, that's the man's point of view) out of seemingly nowhere.
I fell in love with my first daughter as I was holding her at the hospital. My wife had some minor complications, and the nurse handed the baby to me. I looked down at her. Suddenly she became slightly agitated. She was
People tell you but you don't believe it: how much you will love your children. Nobody can convince you that a new person, a complete stranger, one who didn't even exist just a year earlier, will trigger this sort of love. You may have searched years for a person you could marry, but now one is just given to you (well, that's the man's point of view) out of seemingly nowhere.
I fell in love with my first daughter as I was holding her at the hospital. My wife had some minor complications, and the nurse handed the baby to me. I looked down at her. Suddenly she became slightly agitated. She was moving her head. Then it hit, almost without warning: a sneeze! It seemed to me that it almost knocked off her head, and clearly she was equally distressed. Then we both sensed another one coming on. She tensed up; so did I. What could I do? She lowered her head closer to her chest and held it tightly; I'd swear she clenched her fists. The sneeze came, and in her new defensive position, it was nothing. She had learned how to sneeze, and I had watched her learn!
Some fathers say watching their child be born was one of the greatest experiences of their lives. For me, it was watching my little girl learn how to sneeze.
The nurse asked me to hand the baby back to her. I was a little bit uneasy at doing this. I understood this child better than she did. She was my baby. How did I know the nurse would be sufficiently gentle? This was my love, not hers. But then the nurse put the baby down on my wife and my wife held the baby and I could see the same love between the two of them.
Children bond to parents, but the bonding of parents to a child is just as strong, maybe stronger.
I know parents who deny that love, and I feel deeply sorry for them. If you let your instincts loose, you discover that you have doubled your life, or (if you were deeply in love with your spouse) then at least increased it from 2 to 3 ... or more, for subsequent children. Children are the greatest joy in life (even better than physics!), and all you really have to do is let loose and go for it.
You will never feel completely relaxed again because you develop super senses.
Elizabeth Stone wrote, "To have a child is to accept that a piece of your heart will forever walk about outside your body."
I have an internal alarm clock set for, "what was that?"
I don't sleep without some magical part of my subconscious staying completely alert, listening for the tiniest whimper from a bad dream or footsteps on their way to the kitchen, sneaking cookies in the night.
I have supersonic hearing
I can hear my child cry three houses away. I can also hear one daughter whispering to the other, "Let's cut
You will never feel completely relaxed again because you develop super senses.
Elizabeth Stone wrote, "To have a child is to accept that a piece of your heart will forever walk about outside your body."
I have an internal alarm clock set for, "what was that?"
I don't sleep without some magical part of my subconscious staying completely alert, listening for the tiniest whimper from a bad dream or footsteps on their way to the kitchen, sneaking cookies in the night.
I have supersonic hearing
I can hear my child cry three houses away. I can also hear one daughter whispering to the other, "Let's cut your hair into bangs," through two closed doors and a sound machine.
I have future-vision
I can spot "an accident waiting to happen" three steps before my child grabs the scissors from her sister. I see potential road hazards most people wouldn't notice when my girls are riding scooters. Like "dangerous" twigs that will catch the scooter wheels and make my babies fall.
I have a sense of life-balance which will forever tip in my daughters' favor
Since becoming a mother, I consider everything I do, every decision I make though the filter of "how will this affect my daughters?" It's a different type of stress I took on, like an unofficial contract I signed with my girls that reads, "I will put your needs and wants ahead of my own." It is this intuition I cherish most because it ensures I am being the best mother I can be.
People are wildly inarticulate about what raising a kid is like / about. So here's a dude's perspective. When my daughter was on the way, all I heard was how everything was going to change, nothing would be the same, etc. Yeah, no kidding -- I could do that math. I would have liked a few more specifics. Here are some of the things I would have been more interested in hearing that no one told me, and what I often tell other [receptive] dudes when I find out they have a baby on the way:
- You're going to watch a creature achieve sentience! You know all those scifi movies and books where com
People are wildly inarticulate about what raising a kid is like / about. So here's a dude's perspective. When my daughter was on the way, all I heard was how everything was going to change, nothing would be the same, etc. Yeah, no kidding -- I could do that math. I would have liked a few more specifics. Here are some of the things I would have been more interested in hearing that no one told me, and what I often tell other [receptive] dudes when I find out they have a baby on the way:
- You're going to watch a creature achieve sentience! You know all those scifi movies and books where computers wake up and become self-aware? You get to see it! It happens more quickly than you'd expect, and it's an amazing privilege to bear witness to such a uniquely human phenomenon. So pay attention. Which leads me to......
- Babies change really quickly in the first year. Duh. But still. No one really emphasized that enough. Seriously, baby, slow down, I was just getting used to you rolling around and now you're all sitting up and stuff. I was shocked at how quickly babies change during the first 10 or so months. This may have been a result of me proactively avoiding handling/interacting with infants for 37 years, thinking that they were essentially factories of poop and misery. So your experience may vary. Either way I'd go on work trips for a week and come back to a bunch of new features. Which leads me to......
- Previous versions of your precious behbeh are gone. Forever. And you will be sad. The 2, 3, 5, 7, 9, and 11 (etc) month-old versions of my daughter were very unique and fun in their own way, each containing distinct elements. I discovered that I felt a certain twinge of unexpected grief when I looked back on old pictures, realizing that my little 3/5/7 month-old BFF simply didn't exist in that form anymore. You'll understand it when you see other parents look at your child with the "awwww" face and see that there's something else there that you didn't see before -- a dash of sadness and longing. Which leads me to......
- You will [hopefully?] be much less tolerant of friends whose poor life choices have negatively impacted their children. I'm not talking about divorce or custody issues, or even friends who are struggling (keyword: struggling -- making an effort) with substance abuse. I'm talking about buddies of mine who have cut a wide swath of misery and daddy issues for the last decade or two. Deadbeats. I didn't give a shit in my 20s/most of my 30s because I had no frame of reference and self-destructive behavior was fun and normal. You might find yourself wanting to tell (or flat-out telling) your pals that you're not convinced that they're doing enough and that their excuses are horseshit. Or just disengaging a bit. It's like a little switch gets flipped in the relationship, similar to when that girl you were dating said something really stupid about your favorite TV show or made an incorrect and judgmental statement about your favorite animal. You know what I mean. Which leads me to......
- You will experience unconditional love for the first time. This is one that I tell women when they ask me what it's like to have a kid, because (a) they probably don't care about biological sentience and (b) I chauvinistically assume that they incorrectly think that they've experienced unconditional love, for which they must be corrected. I'm talking about giving unconditional love here -- I do feel that childrens' love towards their parents is quite conditional, and just can't wait for my daughter to tell me she hates me or that she wishes she was never born. You will understand why your parent/aunt/uncle continued/continues to let your sibling/cousin shit on them for decades. You will realize why your "logical" and reason-based solutions regarding said problems were ignored and unwelcome. Which leads me to......
- The range of stupid/unwanted comments you will hear will increase. I place childless people who are talking about kids in the same category as religious high school kids who talk about how much better it is being tea-totaling virgins. I feel embarrassed to have had an opinion of parenting pre-parenthood. You will be walking around, thinking about what you see mentioned in this and other answers, and someone will tell that while they don't have children, they do have a dog. A dog, which will expire and be quickly replaced sometime within the next decade or so. Which leads me to......
- You will regard unfamiliar children as you regard an unfamiliar dog with a neglectful owner. One of the more surprising aspects I've learned is that many other children are creepy little sociopaths with inattentive/unaware parents. When my daughter was toddling, the amount of weird stuff that kids would do or attempt to do to her (pushing, throwing large objects at, screaming at, etc) was unsettling. Who knew how much fun it was to make public scenes and yell at strange 3 year olds? Which leads me to......
- You will have to proactively resist not freaking out about everything that could potentially happen to your kid. The possibilities are quite endless. and limited only by your own morbid creativity. I don't have a solution for this one though.
Hopefully these provide some unique points among the hundreds of answers already contributed.
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The second they are born, your life changes forever!!!! Watching your child being born is the greatest feeling ever!
Now, that said, I’m not much of a “baby” person. I like it when they can play catch (even if they’re crappy at it), talk, walk, use the toilet, etc., so I found those “formative” years (0–2.4) a little dull for the most part. My wife absolutely LOVES babies and doesn’t agree with that statement. Says babies are adorable and I’m an idiot. That may be accurate, but this is my answer to the question.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve certainly changed my share of diapers and spent many a late
The second they are born, your life changes forever!!!! Watching your child being born is the greatest feeling ever!
Now, that said, I’m not much of a “baby” person. I like it when they can play catch (even if they’re crappy at it), talk, walk, use the toilet, etc., so I found those “formative” years (0–2.4) a little dull for the most part. My wife absolutely LOVES babies and doesn’t agree with that statement. Says babies are adorable and I’m an idiot. That may be accurate, but this is my answer to the question.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve certainly changed my share of diapers and spent many a late night rocking, feeding, singing, and making stupid ass noises to get the baby back to sleep so my wife could rest, so I was certainly a “hands on” Dad during those early years with each of my four kids. I even drove one of the kids around in the car for about an hour every night so he would go to sleep. He was “colicky” or some such rubbish. I loved them like crazy and did my part, but it’s just that those early (baby) years didn’t rock my world.
Also, I think most will agree that the teenage years are a pain in the ass (wife actually agrees with that one-who knew?!).
Ok, so let’s summarize. 0–2.4 years old are ok years. 2.5 to 12.9 years old are the best years. 13–18 are the worst years.
Now, if you survive the teenage years, they will (hopefully) leave home, go to school or get a job, and there will be a gap in the relationship for about 4 years.
Following the gap, they will return (hopefully contrite for the nightmare of the teenage years) and you will form a new relationship with them as “adults.”
Having your kid tell you how they couldn’t stand you for having the gall to enforce rules, curfews, hold them accountable and responsible for their actions, and expressing your opinion (about priorities, friends, etc.) during their teenage years, and then THANKING you for being a “strict” but fair, honest, and loving parent (while you share a frosty cold beer) is the second greatest feeling ever!
The actual age varies from kid to kid, but the sequence of events is pretty much the same.
- That once the baby pops out, you cannot put it back….and boy, will you wish you could! Because your life will no longer be your own.
- That after all the years you spent thinking that your parents were not very smart, you would suddenly realise how brilliant they are.
- That you, an adult, educated and all, would find yourself using the very irrational reasoning that you swore never to use: “Why do you have to do it? Because I say so.”
- That a drum set is not a good gift for your child….well, not if they reside with you.
- That you can be the best of parent, and still lose the child, suddenly. Because th
- That once the baby pops out, you cannot put it back….and boy, will you wish you could! Because your life will no longer be your own.
- That after all the years you spent thinking that your parents were not very smart, you would suddenly realise how brilliant they are.
- That you, an adult, educated and all, would find yourself using the very irrational reasoning that you swore never to use: “Why do you have to do it? Because I say so.”
- That a drum set is not a good gift for your child….well, not if they reside with you.
- That you can be the best of parent, and still lose the child, suddenly. Because there is no guarantee that after the child is born, it will live.
- That losing a child will rip you apart in ways and places that you never knew existed.
- That caring for your children, and watching them grow into adults and navigate their own world, would be both (and often times concurrently) the most rewarding and mind-numbing experiences of your life.
- That in becoming a parent, you will strangely enough become endowed, intuitively with a plethora of knowledge in all areas, albeit no expert: medicine, law, social work, mediation, academics, gymnastics, super-hero / stuntman (woman), Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy,
- That parenting is a life-long commitment, it does not just end after they become of majority age.
- That children are innately the best manipulators in the world. Yes, I know they are your spawns, and you feel that you do not possess such genes……but, they still are!
- That your parents, in dealing with your children, will have a 180 degree reorganization of their values. They call it payback.
- That you will find religion whereas before you never had one.
- That if everyone survives the journey with all digits and limbs still attached, no-one is pregnant, inclined to alcoholism (including you), or on drugs, and they all graduated high school (or at east completed), then you deserve a halo, because it is not only an extraordinary accomplishment in this day and age, but it is also an attestation to your saint-hood, thus eligibility for entrance into the pantheon.
And on that note, I will say, “Happy parenting!”
You learn to tune them out sometimes. Children are precious and you’re supposed to hang on every word they say because they’re growing so fast and one day you’ll wish they were this age again, right? That’s true, but damn… they talk a lot. You can’t hang on every word they say and hang on to your sanity. You develop “dog ears,” where you only hear certain key words and tune out the rest.
But they do the same to you, which leads me to:
Sometimes, children only respond to yelling. I wanted to be that parent who was always calm and collected around my kids. I’d raise them so well that I wouldn’t ha
You learn to tune them out sometimes. Children are precious and you’re supposed to hang on every word they say because they’re growing so fast and one day you’ll wish they were this age again, right? That’s true, but damn… they talk a lot. You can’t hang on every word they say and hang on to your sanity. You develop “dog ears,” where you only hear certain key words and tune out the rest.
But they do the same to you, which leads me to:
Sometimes, children only respond to yelling. I wanted to be that parent who was always calm and collected around my kids. I’d raise them so well that I wouldn’t have to yell at them… they’d just listen to me and do what I asked. I was wrong. So wrong. At least twice each week I have to yell at my children to let them know I’m serious. This just happened to me today, actually. My youngest took something out of the trash and started playing with it. I told her three times to put it back, and all three times she ignored me. Finally, I yelled at her. Only then did she even acknowledge that I was in the room.
We had no idea how much our lives would change.
Life became less about us, and more about her.
Meet Sophie.
We would sign up for things like picking strawberries, not because we wanted to do it, but because we wanted her to experience something new.
Life became a lot more interesting!
We didn't realize how staid we've become until we could see the world from her eyes. You don't know the meaning of joy until you see your child's eyes light up from trying ice cream for the first time.
Simple things give you immense pleasure.
Yesterday, I sat and watched as Sophie wandered around the garden. I jus
We had no idea how much our lives would change.
Life became less about us, and more about her.
Meet Sophie.
We would sign up for things like picking strawberries, not because we wanted to do it, but because we wanted her to experience something new.
Life became a lot more interesting!
We didn't realize how staid we've become until we could see the world from her eyes. You don't know the meaning of joy until you see your child's eyes light up from trying ice cream for the first time.
Simple things give you immense pleasure.
Yesterday, I sat and watched as Sophie wandered around the garden. I just sat there for hours as she bumbled about the serious business of picking flowers, throwing grass into the fish pond, and just generally having a whale of a time. Hours. Was it time well spent? Yes it is.
Life became a lot more random.
We left her alone for a minute, and found her slathering antiseptic nappy cream on her face. Why? No one knows. But she seems to think it's helping her skin.
You will never be lonely.
Everything you do is fascinating. Simple everyday things you normally do in private like brushing teeth or taking a shower (or brushing teeth while taking a shower) takes on a new dimension when you have a rapt audience.
Little things move you to manly tears.
I was crying like a b**** when I took this photo.
My wife just gave birth to our second daughter last month. We were apprehensive, not least because of all the horror stories of sibling rivalry and regressive behaviour among first borns. Our fears proved unfounded. When she saw Kaylie for the first time, she insisted on hugging and kissing her. The fact that she could be so loving and mature at the age of 1.5 moved me to tears.
So there you have it. That was my journey so far as a parent!
In a culture such as ours (I live in the Philippines, where family is everything), children are supposed to owe everything to their parents. Nobody stops to think about how these children did not ask their parents for life to be foisted upon them, and that they are not investment.
A lot of my friends, especially at my age, all want to have children now, and when they hear that I do not want children yet, the common response is: "Sino mag-aalaga sayo pag tanda mo?" (Who will take care of you when you're old?).
Here's a few things that not a lot of people say with regards to parenthood:
- That ch
In a culture such as ours (I live in the Philippines, where family is everything), children are supposed to owe everything to their parents. Nobody stops to think about how these children did not ask their parents for life to be foisted upon them, and that they are not investment.
A lot of my friends, especially at my age, all want to have children now, and when they hear that I do not want children yet, the common response is: "Sino mag-aalaga sayo pag tanda mo?" (Who will take care of you when you're old?).
Here's a few things that not a lot of people say with regards to parenthood:
- That children do not owe us our happiness.
- They own themselves, and they need guidance, not impositions
- That they should be free to be whoever they decide to be
Kahlil Gibran said it much more profoundly than I ever can:
Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For thir souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness.
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.
My top 5.
Remembered through the fog of exhaustion.
- Sleep deprivation. You will have it from the moment they’re born until they move out. Late nights, early mornings, constant chaos. And even then you’ll be awake worrying if they got home safely.
- Money. A lot. Starts with cases of diapers. Accelerates with school supplies and clothes. Then cars, phones and insurance. And who can forget college? You won’t. Not for a long time.
- Intelligence. Your kids are smarter than you. Really. About high school they’ll remind you. By college you’re hopeless. When they start their first job suddenly you’ll grow e
My top 5.
Remembered through the fog of exhaustion.
- Sleep deprivation. You will have it from the moment they’re born until they move out. Late nights, early mornings, constant chaos. And even then you’ll be awake worrying if they got home safely.
- Money. A lot. Starts with cases of diapers. Accelerates with school supplies and clothes. Then cars, phones and insurance. And who can forget college? You won’t. Not for a long time.
- Intelligence. Your kids are smarter than you. Really. About high school they’ll remind you. By college you’re hopeless. When they start their first job suddenly you’ll grow exponentially smarter.
- Reward. Your reward for raising kids is grand kids. Now that is fun. And such great payback when you spoil them. Oh, and chuckling as you watch your kids sleep deprived, broke and feeling stupid.
- Blessing. There’s no greater joy than playing with your children. No greater satisfaction than seeing them grow into successful adults. No greater love than holding them in your arms.
Kids are demanding and exhausting.
And so worth it.
And grand kids, exponentially more fun.
Ah, so many great answers here, brilliant answers, really.
No one told me that the toddler and preschool years would be like living with a messy, stoner roommate who is also really, really funny and really introspective, and maybe a little sociopathic.
One minute you'll be enjoying each other's company--playing cards, watching funny cats on Youtube, just hanging out. Then you'll go to the bathroom and see toothpaste smears all over the hand towel and sink. You'll stand in the doorway and yell "Dude, you've got toothpaste everywhere, clean up after you brush your teeth." Your new roommate will
Ah, so many great answers here, brilliant answers, really.
No one told me that the toddler and preschool years would be like living with a messy, stoner roommate who is also really, really funny and really introspective, and maybe a little sociopathic.
One minute you'll be enjoying each other's company--playing cards, watching funny cats on Youtube, just hanging out. Then you'll go to the bathroom and see toothpaste smears all over the hand towel and sink. You'll stand in the doorway and yell "Dude, you've got toothpaste everywhere, clean up after you brush your teeth." Your new roommate will come chuckling down the hall "Sorry, dude, I dropped my toothbrush after I put toothpaste on it, and I just forgot." And you'll both laugh because that's a good reason. Then the next day the same thing will happen. And the next. And the next.
And some days your roomie tries to weasel his way out of responsibilities, and those days just suck because there you are standing over your roommate like "Jeez, dude, just get a job, you can't freeload forever and by the way, I'm not picking up all the stuff you leave in the living room anymore and dude, you should probably stop eating on the couch because it's kinda getting gross" and you both just scowl at each other. And that makes you feel like someone's MOM which is the last thing you wanted to be doing. But seriously, you just don't want your roommate to take advantage of you and you really don't want to live in a grungy house. And also it would be great if the dude figured out how to do it himself so you didn't have to nag all the time.
You'll also have conversations that start with "Dude, how did you fall when you were just standing there?" or "Dude, what were you thinking when you drew on the wall with crayon?" or "Dude, how many times are you going to listen to that Beatles album?" or "Dude, did you seriously just touch the cat THERE?! that's so gross!"
But it's all good.
I don't know if my observation is true for women, but I'm pretty sure that it is for most men.
We men like dramatic situations that allows us to be heroes. We want to prove our love for our children in a single dramatic incident, which in turn also gives us the opportunity for a great story.
"Remember that time where that drunk driver almost hit our daughter and I hauled his ass out of the car and held him down while you called the police? That was awesome!"
Or perhaps it could be a conflict with another parent who has a child that bullies my child or pretty much whichever circumstances that allo
I don't know if my observation is true for women, but I'm pretty sure that it is for most men.
We men like dramatic situations that allows us to be heroes. We want to prove our love for our children in a single dramatic incident, which in turn also gives us the opportunity for a great story.
"Remember that time where that drunk driver almost hit our daughter and I hauled his ass out of the car and held him down while you called the police? That was awesome!"
Or perhaps it could be a conflict with another parent who has a child that bullies my child or pretty much whichever circumstances that allows me to be the hero in a single dramatic incident and expose myself to danger to show how much I am willing to sacrifice for my child and how massively huge my love for my child is.
But that is not how it really is.
You show your love by being there for the long haul without getting anything in return, except a happy child who perhaps would have been just as happy regardless of your efforts...you'll never know.
You show your love by standing there at 2am, covered in vomit while holding and trying to comfort your baby girl who is screaming into your ear, and you'll be frustrated as hell because vomit makes the baby slippery and you don't want to drop her, so you'll basically use the baby to rub vomit all over yourself in your efforts to keep her in your arms.
You show your love by enduring the boring stuff that they find fascinating...like watching Curious George on Netflix for the 13435th time or reading the same book over and over and over and over...and over...and over...you get the picture, right?
You show your love by waiting patiently for them to finish their temper tantrum so you'll be able to change the poop-diaper without getting shit everywhere, knowing that each second you wait makes it more uncomfortable for the child.
You show your love by being there when it's hard, or even next to impossible.
Everyone can be there when it's easy.
I can be a silly guy and it's easy for me to make my two year old daughter laugh. With a single look at her I'll have her giggling. Daddy's funny. She knows, I know. I'm funny and she laughs. We're a great team that way.
I play the guitar and she'll dance around, either alone or with her mom.
We'll play with legos, read books, look at cars through the window, go to the playground. All that stuff can sometimes be a bit boring or tough if you're sleep deprived.
But you'll see what you are really made of when you have only had 3 hours of sleep every night for a week, standing there covered in vomit in the middle of the night and you know that it will be at least an hour before you're back in bed, and even though you have an important meeting in the morning, your wife also has an important thing the next day so you're on your own.
You will deal with it and you will do it gently even though some deep, dark part of your mind tells you that you could have avoided this situation by just not having that damned kid. Or perhaps something even darker...
And when the child finally falls asleep, there is no "thank you" or anything that indicates gratitude. There are no witnesses for your great sacrifice.
However you handled that situation is between you and your own conscience, and still you will find that you always handle it gently and in the best possible way for the child.
You will sacrifice so much dignity, sleep and many other things. Your body will ache from sitting in an uncomfortable position beside the bed, holding the childs hand to show that you are there. And there is nothing in it for you. No reward. No nothing.
That's how you show your love. Not by doing something big and drastic, but by being the best parent you can be without expecting any kind of recognition for it.
No one told me that part.
But then again, it wouldn't have changed a thing. :)
That your child could be..... exactly like your partner!
After conceiving, carrying, and delivering our baby, when she finally arrived, I expected her to be...well, like me!
When I first laid eyes on her, my thought process went: Thank goodness we are all alive, I need sleep, and then, wow, she looks a lot like Jay.
That first night she slept "skin to fur" with dad. They frequently snoozed together. Nobody told me how often I'd find her out of her crib and in his arms, nor how cute I'd find this.
I did not expect my recovery to be as difficult as it was. Nobody told me that the first few days and
That your child could be..... exactly like your partner!
After conceiving, carrying, and delivering our baby, when she finally arrived, I expected her to be...well, like me!
When I first laid eyes on her, my thought process went: Thank goodness we are all alive, I need sleep, and then, wow, she looks a lot like Jay.
That first night she slept "skin to fur" with dad. They frequently snoozed together. Nobody told me how often I'd find her out of her crib and in his arms, nor how cute I'd find this.
I did not expect my recovery to be as difficult as it was. Nobody told me that the first few days and weeks would be worse than the last few and labor.
My daughter is her own person. Already I see that. But certainly, I also do see her father. Like him, she enjoys traveling, sleeps with one foot peeking out of the blanket, and has strong hands.
At the park, the grocery store, or at home, the first thing people usually tell us when they see her is: "Oh wow, just like her father."
She's the only person in the world who likes my singing and dancing. Nobody told me having kids would make me a frequent & public singer and dancer.
Other things that people told me, but I didn't really comprehend:
- the first 6 weeks suck, very bad.
- when your baby smiles at you, nothing else in the world matters.
- there is no such thing as sleeping in.
- every day, you love that little baby more.
It hurts. Physically, emotionally and psychologically.
My daughter was born nearly 17 years ago via emergency C-section. Tick for physical.
The emotional and psychological bits are just part of being a parent.
I would not change any of the above for all the tea in China. Whatever may come, I am so proud of her. Whatever troubles we have had along the way, I am still her mum, she is still my daughter. I always have, do now, and always will love her unconditionally. I may not particularly like or approve of everything that she does, but that doesn’t matter. I love her.
I feel completely privileged t
It hurts. Physically, emotionally and psychologically.
My daughter was born nearly 17 years ago via emergency C-section. Tick for physical.
The emotional and psychological bits are just part of being a parent.
I would not change any of the above for all the tea in China. Whatever may come, I am so proud of her. Whatever troubles we have had along the way, I am still her mum, she is still my daughter. I always have, do now, and always will love her unconditionally. I may not particularly like or approve of everything that she does, but that doesn’t matter. I love her.
I feel completely privileged to share her world.
What you cannot possibly realise before you have children, is that there is a whole new dimension to LOVE that you never knew existed, and never thought you could understand! There is one person in the entire world whom I love as my child. No one else comes close. And when you become a parent, you will understand this, but not before.
Right now, I don’t want to think about her ever moving out … that might change in 5 years or so. ;-)
You will worry about them until the day you close your eyes for the last time.
I remember having lunch with my grandmother about 20 years ago. We were sitting there in her sun-filled kitchen eating her amazing grilled cheese sandwiches and talking about family members and who was doing what
“ Is your father OK?”
She asked me out of the blue.
I was a bit taken aback. He had recently started a new job and was a little stressed out as you would expect but otherwise fine
“ Gran, dad will be 50 next year, he's a grown man with adult children, you don't need to worry about him any more"
She gave me an alm
You will worry about them until the day you close your eyes for the last time.
I remember having lunch with my grandmother about 20 years ago. We were sitting there in her sun-filled kitchen eating her amazing grilled cheese sandwiches and talking about family members and who was doing what
“ Is your father OK?”
She asked me out of the blue.
I was a bit taken aback. He had recently started a new job and was a little stressed out as you would expect but otherwise fine
“ Gran, dad will be 50 next year, he's a grown man with adult children, you don't need to worry about him any more"
She gave me an almost pitying smile
“ Darling, your father is my son. Some days I look at him and see the little boy who used to come crying to me when he would fall off his bike and scrape his knee, I will worry about him until the day I die”
I apologised to my grandmother and had a bit of a patronising chuckle to myself.
Then I became a parent myself
HOLY CRAP WAS GRAN RIGHT!!
My son is still in primary school so I have reason to worry but he has big dreams. He wants to travel extensively as he is fascinated by history and geography and at some point I will have to let him go
But let me tell you, I won't stop worrying about him till he gets home.
****looks heavenward****
Sorry gran, for REAL this time.
Social prejudices take a different dimension altogether. You need to protect your kid, as well as educate her. But no one tells you how.
Some examples:
When my daughter was not yet three
“Papa, don’t you use a pack?”, Sia asked out of the blue one day.
“Um…pack? What pack?”
“The one that you apply on your face”
“Oh. No sweetheart. Papa doesn't use any pack”
“Only girls use packs na?”
“Yes. Mostly”.
“I should apply a pack daily”
“Really? Why?” I wasn't sure I liked the direction this conversation was headed.
“I’ll become gori” (fair)
“Hmmm. And then?” I din’t like this at all.
“And then I’ll become pretty
Social prejudices take a different dimension altogether. You need to protect your kid, as well as educate her. But no one tells you how.
Some examples:
When my daughter was not yet three
“Papa, don’t you use a pack?”, Sia asked out of the blue one day.
“Um…pack? What pack?”
“The one that you apply on your face”
“Oh. No sweetheart. Papa doesn't use any pack”
“Only girls use packs na?”
“Yes. Mostly”.
“I should apply a pack daily”
“Really? Why?” I wasn't sure I liked the direction this conversation was headed.
“I’ll become gori” (fair)
“Hmmm. And then?” I din’t like this at all.
“And then I’ll become pretty”
“Who told you that?” I controlled my fury while I considered the best response to this.
“____”
“____ is stupid. Doesn't know anything”, I continued to grope for words, “Sia is already very pretty”.
“Sia wants to become prettier”
What do you tell a 3 year old? The whole history of slavery and racism. Or casteism closer home. About the millions of matrimonial ads looking for slim, fair and beautiful brides. About dowry that increases with the quantum of melanin in skin. Too harsh for a kid.
Maybe skip skin color and tell her that physical appearance itself is overrated. Maybe I should explain to her that there is no such thing as too light or too dark; too tall or too short; too thin or too fat. There’s only healthy, smart and nice. Too philosophical.
Maybe I should focus on self esteem. What if her self esteem slips because of dumb things people tell her? There was really no danger of that back then, though. It bordered on narcissism in Sia’s case.
“Becoming prettier is easy, sweetheart. All it takes is a big smile”, I finally managed. I was rewarded with a dazzling smile
When she was six
"Papa, you know, the math geniuses in my class, who are all of course boys...", Sia began one day
"Hold it. Hold it. Who told you that only boys are math geniuses?"
"I know it on my own"
"Yes, but how did you know on your own?"
"It is obvious. All the kids in my class who are good at math are boys"
"How do you know that they are good?" [Hint for the reader: Who is the person in the class who judges which kids are good at what?]
"____ can do addition faster than anyone else"
"That's just one boy. And addition is just one small part of math. Does anyone understand shapes as well as you do?"
"No. But only boys are good at math. See, you are good at math and mama isn't".
"That's just two of us. That's no reason why you can't be a math genius. It is all about studying hard and practicing"
"But I hate math"
"Maybe. But don't you want to prove to the boys that girls can be math geniuses too"
"Yesss!", she said pumping her fist.
That's how we got get to prepare for the math kiddy Olympiad. We later confronted her teacher. She first acted shocked, and then proceeded to describe how good the boys in her class were at math. *Sigh*
There was a happy outcome, though. Of the three kids who topped her class in the Olympiad, two, including Sia, were girls. "Who's the math genius now?", I asked her. She just grinned.
A few weeks ago (she is nearly seven)
"Papa, who is that?", Sia asked, pointing at the TV screen. There was a news item about the Nido Taniam Death Incident.
"That's a bhaiyya [elder brother] who was killed by some bad people in Delhi".
"Is he Indian?"
"Of course he is"
"He looks like Chinese", she observed
"No. He doesn't. He looks very much Indian"
"But his eyes are like this", she said, pulling her eyes back
"So?", I challenged
She thought about it for a while. "Do some Indians look like Chinese?", she asked, a little uncertainly.
"Well, the Chinese look like some Indians. The Pakistanis look like some other Indians. The Sri Lankans look like some other Indians. There are so many different kinds of Indians. That's cool, isn't it?"
"Do Americans look like some Indians too?"
"Hmmm... not really", I wasn't keen on confusing her with too much information. We opened her map of India game and started discussing about each region and state. Hopefully, she drew the right lessons.
I sometimes tell my son that what I’m eating is spicy so he won’t want any.
Like today, I pointed at the picture on my non spicy chips and said, “See! It has spicy salsa flavor…” to my son who can’t yet read.
In all fairness, I rarely get snacks just for me and he always wants what I’m eating in addition to his snacks. If I give him one chip, he’ll take them all.
Another parent gave me this idea and it works ;)
I sometimes tell my son that what I’m eating is spicy so he won’t want any.
Like today, I pointed at the picture on my non spicy chips and said, “See! It has spicy salsa flavor…” to my son who can’t yet read.
In all fairness, I rarely get snacks just for me and he always wants what I’m eating in addition to his snacks. If I give him one chip, he’ll take them all.
Another parent gave me this idea and it works ;)
My son is about to start Preschool in a few weeks.
Letting your little ones experience the world (the good and bad parts) for the first time without you…it’s hard.
These days I find myself worrying if he’ll make friends. What new habits (good and bad) he will pick up. Will his teacher be a good one? Will the other kids like him? What if they don’t? Will he love school or hate it? Will he be safe?
I’m a worrier by nature, yes.
However, this is on a whole new level and playing field for me. It’s scary sending your little person out into this great big world where you won’t be there. I know in the en
My son is about to start Preschool in a few weeks.
Letting your little ones experience the world (the good and bad parts) for the first time without you…it’s hard.
These days I find myself worrying if he’ll make friends. What new habits (good and bad) he will pick up. Will his teacher be a good one? Will the other kids like him? What if they don’t? Will he love school or hate it? Will he be safe?
I’m a worrier by nature, yes.
However, this is on a whole new level and playing field for me. It’s scary sending your little person out into this great big world where you won’t be there. I know in the end he will do great!
I know he will try. I know he will be safe and everyone steps out into the world without their parents at some point. It’s healthy and necessary.
But, I gotta say, it’s also completely scary as a parent. I just never knew how scary until this month.
I have faith in my little guy, though. Through the anxiety of it all, I’m still excited for him to experience a new chapter in his life!
Children can be boring.
Mommy mommy mommy mommy!!!
What?
Mommy come come see come watch this!!!
I’m busy, little monkey. I’m working.
Mommyyyy come on! Come on, watch.
OK (Sighs)
Watch, I made a racing course from the pillows, paper towels, and slippers. You have to watch the race now!
That’s nice…
45 minutes later…
Wait wait, you have to watch more! There are 5 more cars!
On the other hand, children are amazing in pretty much every way. Right now I have a bit of a sore throat. And my little monkey is running around making me hot tea, bringing the warm neck wrap, and looking inside my mouth to see if I “
Children can be boring.
Mommy mommy mommy mommy!!!
What?
Mommy come come see come watch this!!!
I’m busy, little monkey. I’m working.
Mommyyyy come on! Come on, watch.
OK (Sighs)
Watch, I made a racing course from the pillows, paper towels, and slippers. You have to watch the race now!
That’s nice…
45 minutes later…
Wait wait, you have to watch more! There are 5 more cars!
On the other hand, children are amazing in pretty much every way. Right now I have a bit of a sore throat. And my little monkey is running around making me hot tea, bringing the warm neck wrap, and looking inside my mouth to see if I “swallowed something weird.”
It can be horrible. It can trash your marriage and other relationships, and potentially bankrupt you. Your child may decide she hates you, and work actively to separate you from your spouse- to the extent of trying to get your spouse to hook up with others, literally. And intentionally destroy things you found precious, to the point that you have to intentionally hide anything you want to keep intact, and lie about it if the kid finds it rather than sharing it. And truly hate you because the kid aspired to life as Paris Hilton, and your family does not have NEARLY that amount of money- and the
It can be horrible. It can trash your marriage and other relationships, and potentially bankrupt you. Your child may decide she hates you, and work actively to separate you from your spouse- to the extent of trying to get your spouse to hook up with others, literally. And intentionally destroy things you found precious, to the point that you have to intentionally hide anything you want to keep intact, and lie about it if the kid finds it rather than sharing it. And truly hate you because the kid aspired to life as Paris Hilton, and your family does not have NEARLY that amount of money- and the kid then calls CPS on you because she is not getting her every whim immediately indulged, PLUS you have the chutzpah to actually try to enforce some basic boundaries and rules of behavior.
I was not prepared for any of this, as even a remote possibility.
My daughter is now grown, and making her way. I am proud of her in general, and we are in communication- but distant.
One thing that being a parent taught me, though- MY parents, who were very abusive in pretty much every possible way- did NOT do their best when raising me. I certainly made mistakes, and my kid would tell you I was a rotten mother to her- but I NEVER abused her in any way even close to what my own parents did- and I tried, very hard, in the face of utter failure, to do right by her (even when she hated it).
(Maybe a second kid would have been more compatible with me- but I was scared to try.)
There are lots of things no one tells you about having kids. And it’s infuriating because you would think your older brothers and sisters, your own parents, older cousins, etc. would tell you these things but no one does. In no particular order:
- Sleep when the baby sleeps. For the first several weeks to few months, your baby will sleep a few hours, be up a few hours, sleep a few hours, be up a few hours. Your baby will NOT, despite your sincerest efforts, sleep all night. It’s not going to happen. So sleep when your baby sleeps or simply don’t sleep. Zombie land awaits.
- Once you find a diaper th
There are lots of things no one tells you about having kids. And it’s infuriating because you would think your older brothers and sisters, your own parents, older cousins, etc. would tell you these things but no one does. In no particular order:
- Sleep when the baby sleeps. For the first several weeks to few months, your baby will sleep a few hours, be up a few hours, sleep a few hours, be up a few hours. Your baby will NOT, despite your sincerest efforts, sleep all night. It’s not going to happen. So sleep when your baby sleeps or simply don’t sleep. Zombie land awaits.
- Once you find a diaper that works for your baby, stick to it. I don’t care if Wal-Mart has a sale on some no-name-brand, don’t buy them. Most other diapers will most likely break your baby out in an awful, bright red blistering crotch rash. You know what that means? It means your penny pinching ass will be up at 2am with a SCREAMING baby. Hope you enjoy that $5 you saved.
- Keep your hands clean. Your baby will stick every thing in its mouth including your fingers. If your hands are dirty, guess what? Your nasty ass will be up at 2am with a SCREAMING baby with an upset tummy.
- Fleece your house. Once your baby can crawl, anything it can grab will go in its mouth. So any small objects, jewelry, cleaning agents, anything that can be a threat to your child as a chemical or choking hazard needs to be moved to higher ground. And don’t forget to put those blank things in your electrical outlets. If there are rooms your child should NOT go in, get a baby gate.
- GET YOUR BABY’S IMMUNIZATIONS DONE. These anti-immunization freaks are just that: freaks. You are putting your child in real danger of deadly diseases that have been brought under control long ago by not getting your baby his or her shots. The CDC has said these shots produce no danger. So no excuses.
James
Everyone knows that kids are expensive, messy, keep you up at night, etc… Here’s something that I didn’t anticipate until I became a parent:
Getting your kid in and out of a car seat is a hassle.
Installing a car seat is a hassle, too, but you only have to do that a few times. Infant carriers make the process of getting your child in and out of a car easy enough when they’re newborns.
But those in-between years, from ages 1–5ish, when they have to be in a carseat or a booster seat, but they can’t buckle themselves in… it’s a huge pain to do it for them.
As such, you adjust your habits to minimize
Everyone knows that kids are expensive, messy, keep you up at night, etc… Here’s something that I didn’t anticipate until I became a parent:
Getting your kid in and out of a car seat is a hassle.
Installing a car seat is a hassle, too, but you only have to do that a few times. Infant carriers make the process of getting your child in and out of a car easy enough when they’re newborns.
But those in-between years, from ages 1–5ish, when they have to be in a carseat or a booster seat, but they can’t buckle themselves in… it’s a huge pain to do it for them.
As such, you adjust your habits to minimize the times you have to get them in and out of the car. I’ve gone through drive-thrus, not because I wanted to, but because I didn’t want to get my kids in and out of the car. I’ve learned how to do curbside pickups for a lot of things. And I’ve just avoided stopping for something I wanted or needed when I had kids in the car. I’d rather drop them off at home with my wife and then go shopping by myself, just to avoid the hassle of car seats.
Also, something else you might not realize: Car seats have expiration dates.
Disclaimer: I don't have kids.
The following is a repost from here: Marcus's Guide to Family Planning [ https://thegloveislosingitstouch.quora.com/Marcuss-Guide-to-Family-Planning ].
Before deciding to have or keep a child, think about a subject that really bores you. For me it would be sports; for you it might be something different: math or sewing or whatever. Now, assume that subject will be you
Disclaimer: I don't have kids.
The following is a repost from here: Marcus's Guide to Family Planning [ https://thegloveislosingitstouch.quora.com/Marcuss-Guide-to-Family-Planning ].
Before deciding to have or keep a child, think about a subject that really bores you. For me it would be sports; for you it might be something different: math or sewing or whatever. Now, assume that subject will be your child's passion. Don't think, "Well, it might be.” Just assume it will be.
"My son is going to be passionate about lacrosse, want to talk about it all the time, and I'll have to go to his games and support him. For a career, he will either become a professional lacrosse player or a sports writer whose specialty is lacrosse."
Next, come up with a sexual practice that embarrasses or disgusts you. If you're cool with homosexuality, assume you daughter will be a furry, a sadomasochist, a swinger, or whatever. Assume she will make this public and that all your friends will know. Assume it will definitely happen. (Visualize your response and imagine what people will say.)
Next, if you're a Liberal, assume your son will be a Conservative. Assume he will vote Republican in every election, contribute funds to the Republican party, and urge others to vote as he does. If you're a Conservative, assume he'll be a Liberal.
If you love Art and Literature, assume he'll be uninterested in reading and culture. Assume he'll spend his time playing Xbox, picking up girls, and hunting. If you think the Arts are elitist, assume he'll become a college professor in the Classics Department.
Whatever your religion is, assume she'll be the opposite. If you're an atheist, she'll be a Fundamentalist. If you're a Christian, she'll worship Richard Dawkins. Again, she will do this proudly and publicly.
If education is important to you, assume she'll drop out of school.
If you want grandkids, assume ...
That having children amplifies your emotional experience -- new higher highs and new lower lows.
Chart credit: PHD Comics
That having children amplifies your emotional experience -- new higher highs and new lower lows.
Chart credit: PHD Comics
When I was in my early twenties, a friend of mine was the first person within my circle of friends to have a baby. I asked her what it was like.
"Dan, I'm going to tell you something, and you're going to say you understand. Hell, you may mean it, but you won't understand."
"Huh! What?"
"Once you have a baby, nothing in your life will -- ever -- be -- the -same."
"Yeah, I know what . . . "
"NO! You THINK you understand, but . . . trust me, you don't."
That, truth be told, sometimes you want a break from trying to set a good example all the time!
That’s not to say that any parent sets a good example all the time.
Parents are human, after all.
“Parents are people, too!” my mother used to say fairly frequently. I understood more what she meant after I became a parent, and understood both the joys and challenges of parenting.
But despite their individual foibles and failings, most parents are well-intended (in my experience), and try to be the best parents they can be. Most do a really good job…even if not a perfect one.
Our children are now adults,
That, truth be told, sometimes you want a break from trying to set a good example all the time!
That’s not to say that any parent sets a good example all the time.
Parents are human, after all.
“Parents are people, too!” my mother used to say fairly frequently. I understood more what she meant after I became a parent, and understood both the joys and challenges of parenting.
But despite their individual foibles and failings, most parents are well-intended (in my experience), and try to be the best parents they can be. Most do a really good job…even if not a perfect one.
Our children are now adults, and our daughter recently became a parent herself.
If someday she admits that she gets tired of having to try to set a good example all the time, I’ll laugh and agree!
That the opportunity to rediscover the wonder of the world in even the most simple things is one of the greatest gifts in the world. My 2 year old daughter loses her mind over buses, butterflies and bubbles and the way her entire being lights up is priceless.
My 3 month old recently discovered trees on a windy day and stared at the leaves blowing for a good 20 minutes. At first I had no idea what she was staring at, so I followed her gaze and too found myself transfixed.
Trees.
Leaves.
Blowing in the breeze.
Something I've seen and heard a thousand times before, but now something entirely different
That the opportunity to rediscover the wonder of the world in even the most simple things is one of the greatest gifts in the world. My 2 year old daughter loses her mind over buses, butterflies and bubbles and the way her entire being lights up is priceless.
My 3 month old recently discovered trees on a windy day and stared at the leaves blowing for a good 20 minutes. At first I had no idea what she was staring at, so I followed her gaze and too found myself transfixed.
Trees.
Leaves.
Blowing in the breeze.
Something I've seen and heard a thousand times before, but now something entirely different.
Hello, wonder.
That it will bring you the greatest joy and also the greatest aggravation.
Your child will at some point: pee, poop, throw up on you , and wipe their snot on you and you will not freak out because it’s your child.
Mama Bear feelings are real. If someone hurts your child you will want to come after them and take them down with an intensity you didn’t know you possessed.
You get to experience everything new for the first time as you witness it through their eyes.
Just when you think you have your parenting strategy figured out they grow and change and you need to change your formula.
Oh- and what wor
That it will bring you the greatest joy and also the greatest aggravation.
Your child will at some point: pee, poop, throw up on you , and wipe their snot on you and you will not freak out because it’s your child.
Mama Bear feelings are real. If someone hurts your child you will want to come after them and take them down with an intensity you didn’t know you possessed.
You get to experience everything new for the first time as you witness it through their eyes.
Just when you think you have your parenting strategy figured out they grow and change and you need to change your formula.
Oh- and what works with one child doesn’t necessarily work for the others because they are all different and require different strategies.
Nobody told me how much my emotional range would expand. That in just the first year, I would have feelings I'd never even imagined myself capable of, good and bad. That your little baby can make you feel lower than low, exhausted, upset, inept and angry, and the next minute you can feel like everything on earth was smiling on you; you hurt from laughing and your heart feels like it's literally going to explode.
Also, as David mentioned, I didn't know that commercials I once found cute or even saccharine would leave me sobbing and looking for tissues.
And, really, maybe people did tell me, but
Nobody told me how much my emotional range would expand. That in just the first year, I would have feelings I'd never even imagined myself capable of, good and bad. That your little baby can make you feel lower than low, exhausted, upset, inept and angry, and the next minute you can feel like everything on earth was smiling on you; you hurt from laughing and your heart feels like it's literally going to explode.
Also, as David mentioned, I didn't know that commercials I once found cute or even saccharine would leave me sobbing and looking for tissues.
And, really, maybe people did tell me, but I wasn't ready to hear it or equipped to understand.
Edit: right after I wrote this, my husband showed me this ad. Yup, that's it. And yes, I am sobbing.
- That your dog (or pet) will become a dog (an animal) and will no longer be your child substitute. It goes from "Don't forget Barkley, it's family picture time" to "Barkley you little bastard, if you as much as growl at this little kid while he sticks his finger up your butt and then in your face, you're getting a one way visit to Dr. Ron's for a purple juice injection"
- They cost a lot of money. I understand school, sports, clothes, electronics (phones/laptops), but nobody told me that they would break everything in their path. The older they get, the more expensive things they break. On dro
- That your dog (or pet) will become a dog (an animal) and will no longer be your child substitute. It goes from "Don't forget Barkley, it's family picture time" to "Barkley you little bastard, if you as much as growl at this little kid while he sticks his finger up your butt and then in your face, you're getting a one way visit to Dr. Ron's for a purple juice injection"
- They cost a lot of money. I understand school, sports, clothes, electronics (phones/laptops), but nobody told me that they would break everything in their path. The older they get, the more expensive things they break. On drove over a curb and blew two tires. He was picking up a pizza and cost us an additional $2K in repairs. They let water overflow and cause damage to the ceilings and walls in the floor below. They break microwave doors by slamming them shut. They throw away dishes instead of washing them, they search for the most expensive things and then think of ways that they can break them in the most expensive manner. This leads to...
- They're stupid...all of them...even yours and just because you let them listen to baby Mozart doesn't make them or yourself any better. Actually it makes you more stupid for wasting your money. Mine are entering their late teens and they still impress me with the levels of stupidity they can achieve.
- Nobody understands them, but they read a few "expecting books" and then all claim to have the answer and don't hesitate to tell you what you could do better. Shut up about my kid and take your stupid kid's foot out of the toaster.
- They become entitled and the more you give them, the more they expect. Johnny had a $5,000 petting zoo at his birthday party, I want that at my party too, except with a Jumpee and Cirque du Soleil performing in the background...and a mime, so I can wake up with nightmares and pee the bed until I'm 17.
- They will each be blessed with at least one amazing gift, but don't fully learn to appreciate it until it's almost too late. My daughter is an amazing artist, but will only draw anime and refuses to take lessons from professionals. My son could have had a chance at a very high level of hockey. My other son is great with money - there is still hope for him...
Boyfriend, my niece, my nephew and I are standing in line for ice cream. We've had a full day so everyone is subdued. I lean over and give Boyfriend a smooch.
A woman walks up to me.
"I admire you so much," she says, "You have the most beautiful family. Your kids are so well behaved. You and your husband look blissful. Please tell me your secret."
"Well," I say, "This man here is not my husband. And these are not my kids. We just borrowed them."
"OH, THANK GOD," she says and walks away.
The perfect family. It doesn't exist.
That, your child will constantly remind you of what you were as a child yourself.
That, how being a parent will make you a better son or daughter yourself.
That, how you will develop a growing respect for your own parents.
That, each sacrifice your parents made for you will make so much more sense now.
That, you will finally understand what your parents meant when they said: “You will understand, only when you have kids of your own!”
That you are always on the job. That you don't have a break even when you're taking a break. That you always are worrying about your children no matter where they are, no matter where you are. Sleeping in isn't what used to be. Eating out isn't the same thing either. You’ll always be a parent for the rest of your life.
Post-partum depression.
It does not happen to everyone, thank goodness, but it can happen to any mother.
Mine was severe. It is absolutely terrifying. It rips out your soul and stomps on it. I was not aware that that was what was wrong with me while I was suffering through it. It was two months of my own mind torturing me. What kicked me out of it was my niece being stillborn at full term. The shock and grief were so great that it jumpstarted the momma bear inside of me, kicking my hormones back into behaving themselves. That’s not a medical explanation, obviously, but it’s certainly what i
Post-partum depression.
It does not happen to everyone, thank goodness, but it can happen to any mother.
Mine was severe. It is absolutely terrifying. It rips out your soul and stomps on it. I was not aware that that was what was wrong with me while I was suffering through it. It was two months of my own mind torturing me. What kicked me out of it was my niece being stillborn at full term. The shock and grief were so great that it jumpstarted the momma bear inside of me, kicking my hormones back into behaving themselves. That’s not a medical explanation, obviously, but it’s certainly what it felt like.
It was only many years later I realized what was wrong with me.
The worst were the horrible thoughts and ‘what ifs’.
I would strongly recommend that any mother who thinks horrible thoughts frequently about their baby and/or themselves or others to seek medical treatment for post-partum depression. There are treatments for it now.
I only wish I knew then what I know now, because I could have never lost those two months of what should have been overwhelming joy.
I don’t always understand what they intend to say.
My son speaks, OK, attempts to communicate in 3.5 different languages: Hindi, English, Odia and bits of Telugu that he seems to have picked up from the household help. I confess my absolute helplessness to decipher the gibberish that he keeps throwing at me. Especially when he mixes up things.
Irrespective, I pick him up in my arms and coochy coo till he starts giggling and stops asking me questions in his alien dialect. Alternatively, I look for my saviour, my wife to help me out with the translation.
The constant fear that we live in.
The other
I don’t always understand what they intend to say.
My son speaks, OK, attempts to communicate in 3.5 different languages: Hindi, English, Odia and bits of Telugu that he seems to have picked up from the household help. I confess my absolute helplessness to decipher the gibberish that he keeps throwing at me. Especially when he mixes up things.
Irrespective, I pick him up in my arms and coochy coo till he starts giggling and stops asking me questions in his alien dialect. Alternatively, I look for my saviour, my wife to help me out with the translation.
The constant fear that we live in.
The other day he was in his moods—hyperactive, monkey mode. He tripped and fell face-first on the carpet. I was lounging on the sofa a few feet away watching the cricket match with a chilled beer in my hand. My heart skipped a beat or two, I rushed towards him as he screamed at the top of his voice. I checked him, he seemed fine. Next second, he was on his toes right in pursuit of his elder sister brandishing a toy-gun in his hand.
I was aghast: nearly spilt the half-empty beer mug.
I was worried, was he hurt?
Do we need to take him to the doctor?
They smell bad.
My kids have this thing, to surprise me with a peck on my face, first thing in the morning. I love it. However, it’s not always a great feeling to have them right on your face, more so, when they are stinking of whatever the odour-causing-bacteria did to the leftover food in their mouth!
They can hurt you bad.
Here, I am not just alluding to occasions that I face at times when my daughter refuses to acknowledge me as her Dad. She even complains about it to her Mom.
Aap mere Papa nahin ho.
Mumma ko boldungi ki aap mujhe rulaye.
Reason?
I didn't allow her to skate without the safety gear.
The worst part is when my son jumps right on my crotch.
It only gets worse when he follows it up with that devilish laugh.
I have taken hits on my beaky-nose, knuckles, chin and every other conceivable place. Even my beard has been ripped off on occasions.
It never seemed funny to me.
Of all the things that I just shared, as a parent of two beautiful children, one in particular cannot be missed: they changed our lives in more ways than we could ever imagine—they transformed us…to diaper wielding, sleep deprived, smelly maniacs!
Image source: Funny quotes about parenting teenagers
PS: I love my kids :)
When I was in my 20’s, I wondered if I would ever miss it if I didn’t have children. I married, went to school, worked, was young and happy and in love with my husband and life. In my 30’s my marriage dissolved amicably without having children, and it was an opportunity to get some more schooling and training, start a new career, and launch myself into a new and exciting phase of life. I traveled a lot, dated a lot, worked hard, and was in love with life. There was so much going on that I didn’t miss having children at all.
In my late 30’s I married again to a wonderful man and and a new advent
When I was in my 20’s, I wondered if I would ever miss it if I didn’t have children. I married, went to school, worked, was young and happy and in love with my husband and life. In my 30’s my marriage dissolved amicably without having children, and it was an opportunity to get some more schooling and training, start a new career, and launch myself into a new and exciting phase of life. I traveled a lot, dated a lot, worked hard, and was in love with life. There was so much going on that I didn’t miss having children at all.
In my late 30’s I married again to a wonderful man and and a new adventure ensued. I was looking for new challenges so got my Master’s degree and embarked upon a new career that was more soul-satisfying. We traveled, relocated to a new part of the U.S., started new careers together, and enjoyed our lives. We didn’t impose any pressure on ourselves to have children, just lived each day discovering who we were, developing our talents without many restrictions, and being happy.
In my mid-40’s he became sick with what we would later find out to be a terminal illness, and he died when I was mid-50’s. Without children, I had the financial and time resources to take care of him, get him into clinical trials, give him the best care for the rest of his life.
Now I’m in my early 70’s. I have a new husband (of 14 years) and am happier than I have ever been. Never, not even once, have I regretted not having children. Without them I had more time to concentrate on developing my own talents and abilities leading to my final career which allowed me to dedicate everything I had to helping my community. I had more financial resources to care for my dying husband. I was rarely stressed, unhappy, angry, depressed because the life I created for myself was so personally fulfilling. When I die, all my resources and my home will be used to house homeless transitional aged youth, completing my life’s mission.
It is possible to love children, and not have children. It is possible to spend a lifetime discovering and developing your own talents and abilities without being selfish. It is possible to have a richly fulfilling life without procreating. I did!
When I was fourteen—in other words, forty-three years ago—I suddenly came to the realization that I didn’t ever want children. The reasons were numerous. The thought popped into my head as I was walking along the street one day; I can still remember the exact moment.
In successive years, whenever I gave the subject any thought, I inexorably arrived at the same conclusion. My feelings never wavered, not for a minute.
In December of 2017, right after my fifty-second birthday, I met the woman who became my wife exactly six months later. Even though she was still of childbearing age (thirty-eight at
When I was fourteen—in other words, forty-three years ago—I suddenly came to the realization that I didn’t ever want children. The reasons were numerous. The thought popped into my head as I was walking along the street one day; I can still remember the exact moment.
In successive years, whenever I gave the subject any thought, I inexorably arrived at the same conclusion. My feelings never wavered, not for a minute.
In December of 2017, right after my fifty-second birthday, I met the woman who became my wife exactly six months later. Even though she was still of childbearing age (thirty-eight at the time), she felt exactly the same way about children that I do. Shortly after we got married, I underwent a vasectomy.
We are neither embittered nor lonely. And no, our lives are not empty.
Children are an enormous responsibility. Having them changes your life utterly. If you truly wish to have children, by all means do so, but nobody should ever have parenthood foisted upon them by sanctimonious or selfish relatives.
**Update: Wow, thanks to all of you for the warm response!