The 33 Craziest New Fast Foods Of 2014

The love child of a Dorito and a mozzarella stick that we definitely never asked for but will totally eat when drunk.

After months of whispers and rumors, it finally arrived this spring.

"It's a nice change up if you eat at Subway a lot and find yourself getting sick of cured meats."

On a scale from one to no-longer-capable-of-speech, how high was the Domino's R&D team when they came up with this?

AUSTRALIA WOULD.

With coconut filling and a fried chocolate shell. Would definitely eat!

Apparently "marinated" in cheese and then covered in crispy cheese bits. Admit it, you're intrigued.

Poutine to the People, no doubt, but not convinced this is the way to go about it.

This is pretty much what you think it is: a wannabe-Cronut biscuit with a hole in the middle, topped with icing and sprinkles.

How did it take humanity so long to come up with a pizza that combines shrimp, calamari, sausage, bacon, steak, cranberry (or apple) and cream cheese?

Yes, that is a burger topped with stuffed jalapeño poppers and cheese sauce. And yes, explicitly marketing fast food to stoners is a brilliant strat.

This was MADE for America. It's a travesty that it's only available Down Under.

Doesn't seem like the worst idea in the world, TBH.

At last, you can have your candy in slush form!

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

With cranberry spread and blueberries on top. Sounds almost as appetizing as the "Mush 'n' Cheese"! BERRY KRISTMUSH TO ALL!!!

Clearly, Eastern Europeans understand the need for a higher condiment:fry ratio.

Also at Hardee's. Two omelets with sausage, ham, bacon, American, Jack AND cheddar cheese is a great thing to have for breakfast if you want to be passed out for the rest of the day!

You can get this miraculous monster of a sandwich (chicken, hash brown, cheese, bacon, cheese sauce, and ranch on a croissant) in one of the chain's late-night Munchie Meals.

Nope!

A bean or chicken patty between two triangles of pizza dough. This just makes me want actual pizza.

Sbrinz is apparently a kind of Swiss cheese that is served in adorable little rolls. Why put in on a burger, you ask? Well, uh, why not?

The original Double Down was apparently NOT ENOUGH for South Korea, where KFC went ahead and slapped a hamburger in there too.

This pie boasts bacon, mushrooms and spinach with a salted pretzel crust and balsamic drizzle. It's part of Pizza Hut's big, bewildering American menu revamp.

If you put a pizza surrounded by pigs-in-a-blanket in front of me, I'm not going to NOT eat it.

Your eyes do not deceive you; that is, in fact, a burrito wrapped in a quesadilla.

In the words of Businessweek, who eats breakfast at White Castle?

Pizza Hut is DEFINITELY the place I turn to for authentic, flavorful Mexican food.

God willing, these doughnuts (which were served for only a week at the New York State Fair this summer) will pop up at some regular Tim Horton's locations in the future.