Three weeks ago, I invited Christine Carter, author of “The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work,” to coach a few of us through the real-world issues that get in our way when it comes to settling into a happy and functional routine, both at home and work.
Many readers put up their hands, and Christine reached out to three: Julie, Wendy and Amanda. Last week, they worked together to develop concrete strategies to make small shifts toward bigger gains.
For Wendy, who (like almost everyone else who commented) desperately wanted to fit in time for exercise around her work and family schedule, Christine proposed a “better-than-nothing” daily routine. For Julie, a partner in a law firm who felt overwhelmed, inefficient and not as grateful as she wanted to be for all she had, Christine suggested making a point of minimizing workday distractions by setting designated times to check email, and putting boundaries on email when she was at home. And Christine worked with Amanda, who is finding it hard to focus on work after shifting from an office to a work-at-home job, to develop a routine to cue the start of a work day, and to establish a time to stop working as well (a challenge for any mother inclined to see bedtime as work time).
Just a little more than a week into their new routines, all three women sound encouraged by the effects of small changes.
Wendy is establishing a daily “better-than-nothing” strength training routine. Every weekday morning, before her children wake up, she does 15 push-ups, 25 squats and a 45-second plank. “So far so good,” she writes, “have not missed a day.” For a small habit like that to form, Christine suggests tying it to a “trigger”: something you do every day. Wendy’s is “right before I get in the shower.”
“We talked at length about how she’s had to give up her expectations that she’ll do more exercise,” Christine says. “This is what is realistic for her right now, and it truly is better than the nothing that she was doing before.” Since the strength training is a success, Wendy added 30 minutes on the treadmill during her TV time on the evenings when she doesn’t have a work event.
“She sounds very energized by doing something; we also talked about the fact that what she is doing (daily strength training along with 30 minutes of low-impact cardio four to five days a week) might actually be healthier for her than, say, training for a marathon or something she might have done when she was younger. She is unlikely to get hurt, for example, with the routine that she is doing.”
Consciously making a decision about when to check email and when to focus on work is making Julie much more productive — she can actually see a visible change in her billable hours. She shuts down her email completely while working, which wasn’t as easy at it sounds. Because both her email and her calendar are in the same program, leaving the calendar on meant the email was just a click away. Instead, she shuts both down, and uses the calendar on her phone. Adaptations like that, which sound so small, are key to success, Christine says. She writes:
Julie has also changed her lunch habits. She does not check email during lunch. She spends the first 5-10 minutes just looking out the window, daydreaming. Research shows that this mind-wandering time will allow for more creative insights to arise when she is back at her desk working. She is also going to try 5-10 minutes of mindful eating, which will help her feel more satisfied after lunch.
Her gratitude practice is also picking up steam. She’s experimented with several different apps and practices, and settled back on a simple notebook. Instead of practicing gratitude after she feeds the dog, she’s moved her trigger to right when she gets into the office, when she naturally feels more grateful. Because she is less resistant to the practice at this time of day, she is increasing the odds that this becomes a longer term habit. She is already feeling like she is enjoying the life she has worked so hard to create more.
Julie has also been inspired by Wendy, and has started her own better-than-nothing exercise routine, which she will be doing while she lets the dog out in the morning.
Amanda designed a plan for her transition to focused work — “prepping like a toddler going on a road trip,” she called it. She puts her phone in sleep mode and gets her drink and snack handy, then sits down for a set length of time. Feeling like it’s a “routine” will take longer to establish, but the more solid work time she’s able to put in, the more she’s able to “shut down” earlier at night to make sure she gets enough sleep to work the next day.
Two weeks is too short a period to call anything a success, but the small changes Christine suggests have really worked for me. I adopted a “better-than-nothing” exercise routine like Wendy’s in December, and it’s still holding — a much better track record than any of my more ambitious exercise plans. I hope Wendy and Julie will be able to say the same in a few months. I’ve made some shifts to my work routine too, but like Amanda, I’m finding it a little harder to get a solid grip on my focus.
Which means I still have some questions about finding my groove. If you do, too, join me and Christine next Friday at 1 p.m. Eastern for a live chat about finding a balance between what we have to do, and what we want to do. I’ll post more details next week, but get your questions ready. Looking at my to-do list from this week, I can see I’ll be leading it off with, “Why do I always think I can fit 10 hours of work into an eight-hour day?”