Are you an internet addict?

1.At what point in the day do you first check the internet?

Perhaps in the evening, or whenever I have time.

As soon as I get to work.

First thing in the morning, while sitting on the toilet.

2.Where do you buy your clothes?

In a shop. I don’t dig them out of bins, if that’s what you’re asking.

Online retailers, but only if I need something quickly and I don’t have time to go to the shops.

Etsy. I regret nothing.

3.What’s the longest you’ve ever spent online?

I kept refreshing throughout the last hour of an eBay auction once. I won’t be doing that again.

Once I looked at Kim Kardashian’s Wikipedia page. Then I started clicking links, and ended up reading about serial killers, and it had got dark outside.

Technically, I haven’t been offline since 2008.

4.Someone is rude to you on a bus. Do you ...

Do your best not to let it spoil your day.

Tweet about the incident in extraordinary detail.

Immediately think of the perfect True Blood gif that you can use to illustrate your 4,000-word rant about it on your Tumblr.

5.How is this pronounced: gif?

Gee eye eff?

I think I remember reading that it’s “jif”. The G is soft.

“Gif” with a hard G. Hey, grandpa, the internet belongs to us now. Just because you invented it doesn’t mean that you can dictate how we pronounce it.

6.In your opinion, what’s the best way to watch TV?

With no distractions. Just me, my armchair and Doc Martin. Perfect.

If it’s a big live show and I’m bored, I’ll sometimes join in on Twitter.

I have Netflix and loose enough morals to let me illegally download shows. Who needs a TV?

7.How did you meet your current partner?

We were introduced by mutual friends.

A combination of dating website and Facebook stalking.

By “current partner”, do you mean that three-second gif of Joan from Mad Men walking up some stairs?

8.When was the last time you posted a selfie on Instagram?

I don’t know what a selfie is. Or an Instagram. I am perfectly happy this way.

Earlier this year, on holiday, under duress.

Can’t talk. Duckfacing.

9.Which emoji best sums up your life?

Sorry, I don’t speak Japanese.

The smiling poo, obviously.

Um, emojis aren’t universally compatible on all devices, you Apple nazi.

10.How did you come to take this quiz?

One of my grandchildren printed it out for me to fill in over breakfast.

I saw a link on Twitter, and for some reason was compelled to join in.

I’d read everything else on the internet today, and this was last on my list.

Are you an internet addict?

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